


The Erroneous Assumption Predicament

by QBHazelraMPHS



Series: The QBHazelraMPHS Collective [1]
Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 15:48:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 55,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4269141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QBHazelraMPHS/pseuds/QBHazelraMPHS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If it is true that great minds think alike, how come that Pasadena's most brilliant power couple seem to get all signals crossed? Is communication really Sheldon and Amy's strong suit? This is a story about what happens when two people in love are assuming a lot but not talking at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sheldon

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! Welcome to the inaugural chapter to the QBHazelraMPHS Collective's "The Erroneous Assumption Predicament".
> 
> In our first collaboration we are exploring the self-inflicted tragedy of Sheldon and Amy. But do not worry, even though it's all drama it's funny all the same (we hope at least).
> 
> The story is written in both Amy and Sheldon's POV. Every thought and word from Amy is written by Hazelra7, while Sheldon is written by QBMaja, and mphs95 made sense out of it.
> 
> We hope you enjoy our first project together and don't forget to let us know what you think. There may be more in the future...
> 
> Disclaimer: We own nothing at all...

_"Listen… I've been thinking a lot about relationships, and how difficult they can be… and I think-"_

_"I've been thinking about them too, Sheldon… Being your girlfriend is so… challenging. Emotionally… physically… I've been incredible patient, for years."_

_"Strongly disagree, go on…"_

_"Okay well, this isn't easy to say, because I love you… but… I need some time, to take a step a back and reevaluate our situation."_

_"Oh…"_

_"I hope you understand…"_

_"Okay…"_

_"Bye Sheldon…"_

_Well, Gollum. You're an expert on rings... What do I do with this one?_

* * *

 

See, it took forever to find it, the perfect one for Amy. I went to many jewelry stores until I finally found it. One just doesn't buy some ring for the woman one wants to spend the rest of one's life with online just to save a few bucks, like Leonard did.

For weeks now I am trying to figure out when and where to ask her. Everyone can take their girlfriend to some fancy restaurant on their anniversary, throw the ring in a glass with some awful tasting, carbonated liquid and 'surprise' her with it. Where's the fun in that?

Just the other day I saw an ad for Disneyland and was thinking if I should go with her to an amusement park like Barry Allen, aka The Flash, did when he asked Iris West to marry him while riding on the Ferris wheel. I liked the idea so much that I just couldn't stop thinking about it on our anniversary.

I spent many hours with finding the right words, but I still haven't found them. I'm not sure if a simple 'Will you marry me?' would be adequate enough for the momentum of the event when Sheldon Lee Cooper officially succumbs to the hotsie-totsie from Glendale.

It's no secret that I used to find the need to bond for life with another human baffling and irritating. Yet, it wasn't even a difficult decision to make.

After we sent out our application for the Mars colonization I thought about how it would be if chosen to go. We would be together for the remainder of our presumably short lives on the red planet. I like the idea of dying with Amy, although the thought of Amy dying depresses. I hope I'll perish before her. I don't want to think about being alone after she's gone…

Anyway. Then I remembered what Amy said about starting a family on Mars. Naturally we agreed that our offspring will be gifted with the most ingenious intellects the world- no, the universe has ever seen.

I don't concur with anything my mother believes in, but I know hell hath no fury like her should our Martian babies be born out of wedlock. She would find a way to come to Mars with her reverend in tow to get us married and I thought that I wouldn't mind that at all.

It was then I realized that it didn't matter what planet we were on, I still want to spend the remainder of my life with Amy.

I knew with Leonard moving out gradually that the day would come when Amy will move in and share my bed. It occurred to me that I would prefer to wake up next to my wife than my girlfriend. As my mother would say, _'You don't ride the roller coaster without buying a ticket.'_

I'm no fare dodger.

I thought a lot about _'riding the roller coaster'_ lately. I know, as soon as we're engaged, she'll expect more physical intimacy. She already does and I'm getting there. I just need a little more time...

So I go back and forth with what to say when I'll propose to Amy. I know she'll want something 'meaningful and from the heart', similar to what Leonard says to Penny. Although I for one think that clearly he didn't say the right words the multiple times he proposed to Penny. Otherwise he wouldn't have been rejected, right?

Also, the proposal should be romantic. First, because she seems to like that so much and all my attempts to eliminate everything remotely romantic in our relationship were all in vain.

I still don't understand why she's so keen about all this hearts and flowers nonsense. It's only something for hormone driven females... and Leonard and Raj. Too bad that Amy changed her mind about it not adding anything of value to human life...

Secondly, I have been told that romance is a non-optional convention when one wants to propose to one's girlfriend. Well, I didn't tell anyone that I am planning to do that, but I watch movies and TV shows. Sometimes, I read Penny's 'Cosmopolitan' when I need secret guidance. Actually I thought reading magazines for women would make me an expert in all things irrational that they care so much about. Like that one has to buy something from a florist for Valentine's Day, which I did. I didn't want to give her something that became dried up and ugly, though, only left to throw in the trash and easily forgotten. I don't like the thought of getting her something that dies within a blink of an eye. I don't want to connect the concept of death with Amy at all. It's really making me feel grim.

Instead, I gave her something that would last, something that she would see and think of me. However, she didn't appreciate the mushroom log. I don't know why.

I think that nothing is more romantic than honesty. No shallow grand gestures, smooth-tongued words, or big fluffy gifts to placate the person.

Like the time when I thought I discovered a method for synthesizing a new stable super-heavy element. I hated every congratulating word because they just reminded me of my failure, but only Amy understood it. It was indeed the most romantic thing I ever heard when she told me that she's disappointed in me and that it's especially embarrassing because truthfully that chart was really easy to read. I felt so overwhelmed with emotion, I could have hugged her right then and there with all the people in the room.

Penny and Leonard are on their way to Las Vegas now to finally get married and to live happily ever after. I should have just asked Amy on our anniversary and run off with her there instead. She would have been a pretty bride in her new dress. She could already be Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler-Cooper by now and we would live happily ever after.

Yet, she isn't my wife. She isn't even my girlfriend any longer and none of this matters anymore. The perfect ring, the perfect place, the perfect words. She left me.

Amy left me.

I'm alone.

I'm alone and I can't breathe.

I can't breathe!

I'm dying!

I'm dying and no one's here to help me!

I'm dying all alone.

Wait! She said she would need to 'take a step back'. Is that the same as breaking up?

If she wouldn't want to be my girlfriend anymore, wouldn't she have said that explicitly? She didn't, so it's more like a break then. A break suggests something being on hold, like on pause, like something that is supposed to be continued. Or not?

I need a tea. Chamomile, that always helps.

There's Amy's cup. Will she ever use it again?

I feel sick.

I don't know what 'a break' means either. We have nothing stipulated in our Relationship Agreement for a situation like this. She clearly is violating our contract right now. Should I remind her of that? She usually is a reasonable and more importantly a law-abiding person. She would see her error and all would be good again. Everything would be as it's supposed to be.

Yes, all will be fine. All has to be fine again.

Why aren't things fine now?

I don't understand what happened. What did she mean with she needs to 'reevaluate our situation'? What situation? Why does she need to reevaluate it? Why now?

It cannot really be just because I asked her about _The Flash._ I really don't know why Amy got so upset when all I wanted was her valuable opinion. I am of the belief that one should always involve their life partner in important decisions, and this was one of them! Heck, I was telling the guys that when we wanted to buy into Stuart's shop.

Although I didn't follow my own advice when I didn't include her in my decision to apply to go to Mars. She was very dismayed about that, so I have made sure ever since that I make an effort to involve her in anything significant to consider.

I know we were kissing, but it just popped up in my head. I'm a genius at everything, including multi-tasking of course. She was there, I was there. Why not ask her about an important decision like which show to watch, right?

What if it's bad and I really don't like it, but I already invested time and I still need to know what's going to happen? As I have told Penny, once I commit myself to something, I'm in for the long run even if the quality is declining. The many wasted hours! What if they cancel it because people out there are too stupid to see the ingenuity? The pain! It would be 'Firefly' all over again. It's been years and I'm still not over it.

Maybe it was just that I interrupted the kissing that upset her. Penny said to me today that that I'm not supposed to talk about television when we're making out.

No, that doesn't make sense. I obviously wanted to kiss her again and she didn't let me. If it would have been about the interruption, we would have continued. She really did kill the mood, didn't she? Making out was awesome.

Will I ever kiss Amy again?

If Amy never comes back to me, would I get over that? Could I be content again all by myself? Now that Leonard is gone too, there is no one left.

Maybe I should get a cat.

No! No kittens! She will come back. Whatever the reason for her needing a break is, she will come back to me.

Why didn't she just tell me what I did wrong?

Albeit, I didn't do anything wrong.

Even if she was angry that I interrupted the kissing and said something she didn't like, that's definitely no reason to need to reevaluate our situation. It must be something else.

What did she say? Being my girlfriend is challenging? Physically and emotionally? What does she mean by that?

I thought she's happy being with me. We have a test that clearly states how happy she is! We got an 8.2! That's just 1.8 points below a perfect ten, that's basically as good as perfectly happy. We almost got a turtle together because we're so happy that there's lots of room for a third party to be happy with us.

Did she only pretend to be happy?

I'm confused. Amy once was the only person who didn't confuse me, the only one whom I understood and the only one who understood me, or so I thought. When did that change?

She loves me, she said. That's reassuring.

Maybe she'll stop loving me? If being my girlfriend is indeed so arduous, wouldn't she want it to stop?

I would. I want everything that I find uncomfortable to go away.

She will break up with me!

Oh no.

Oh God no!

I can't breathe!

Wait! I did find what she made me feel uncomfortable for years and I didn't want to go away anyway. I stayed.

Mostly.

Is this about my self-discovery train trip last summer?

Is this about me almost breaking up with her over the table?

This doesn't make sense either. Wouldn't she have said something much earlier if it would be?

If I think about it, Amy confuses me a lot since she became my girlfriend. I made it absolutely clear how I want our relationship to be. A perfect one of the mind. She signed the Relationship Agreement with no objections even though I told her she could get a lawyer. Yet she didn't and in the absence of any protest I believed to exactly know how our relationship will be from then on.

I'm such a fool. I have been tricked by that vixen.

I even let her experiment with me to heighten my feelings for her! I wanted it to stop. I said so to Leonard, but I didn't make it stop. Why didn't I? I should have. I wouldn't be here now feeling as awful as I never did in my life before and I would be happily living my life in perfect harmony with myself, as I used to.

No, I should have stopped it even before that. Before I asked her to be my girlfriend. Before she kissed me when she was drunk. I should have listened to my mother when she said Amy and I are definitely not suited for each other. None of this would have happened then.

What's worse is that I didn't even notice at first that physical intimacy was never really off the table. I'm such a gullible dupe, no wonder everybody always laughs at me. What did I do when I finally did realize what she's up to? I didn't tell her it will never happen like I should have. No, instead I found myself 'not ruling it out' and 'working on it' and even playing it in a stupid D&D game!

What the heck did that woman do to me?! She awakened all sorts of feelings and urges and now she's leaving me hanging?! After everything I did for her she needs a break?! Because 'all' she got out of me in five years is a make out session?! Because it's so 'challenging' to be my girlfriend?!

What about how challenging it is to be her boyfriend?! One day all is perfectly fine and the next she's miffed because of whatever. One day she finds my 'quirks' cute as a button, and the next she understands why others would find me 'too much'. Just because she didn't say it out loud, doesn't hide the fact that she finds me 'annoying' too.

One day our agreement is the best thing ever, because it's 'binding' and the next it's 'ridiculous'. She even felt embarrassed by me like everybody else I know, and how often did I see her rolling her eyes and looking at me oh so sternly when I apparently said something inappropriate. Did she ever thought about how that makes me feel? I bet she never has.

She thinks she would be so saintly patient. I couldn't disagree more. I'm not the one constantly complaining for wanting more. She is. I'm not the one going on and on about how she isn't fulfilling my expectations. She is. I'm not the one that forces her to change for me. She is. She's everything but patient. The moment I met her she's been breathing down my neck to move forward.

Run! Run faster, Sheldon! RUN FASTER!

I was too slow.

The tea didn't help at all.

This is all Penny's fault. She and Bernadette corrupted my Amy. They put all those ideas in her head about romance and sex and whatnot.

No, this is the fault of them all. Always making fun of me. Always nagging at me. Always blaming me. She used to be on my side, now she is one of them.

I didn't do anything to deserve this.

She said she hopes that I understand. I don't. I don't understand her at all.

What could be the result of that reevaluation? Could Amy be happy without me? Could she forget me and love another man? Someone less challenging?

Well, if that's so, she can go. If she can just decide to stop loving me, so be it then. I never wanted love anyway.

Why am I crying then?

* * *

 

**Thank you for reading! :)**

**Next chapter will be Amy's view of things.**


	2. Amy POV

_“Listen… I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships, and how difficult they can be… and I think-”_

_“I’ve been thinking about them too, Sheldon… Being your girlfriend is so… challenging. Emotionally… physically… I’ve been incredible patient, for years.”_

_“Strongly disagree, go on…”_

_“Okay well, this isn’t easy to say, because I love you… but… I need some time, to take a step a back and reevaluate our situation.”_

_“Oh…”_

_“I hope you understand…”_

_“Okay…”_

_“Bye Sheldon…”_

* * *

 

I can’t breathe.  Oh God… I forgot how!

Wait, think Amy!  Breathe in and out… In and out…

No, I didn’t forget… it just really hurts right now.  Oh, it’s hard to breathe when you are crying. 

I did it. I told him. I said it. 

Oh God, that was hard.

In just a second, this stinging pain will stop.  It shouldn’t have been that tough, but it was. I feel I’ve been gutted… like each vein has been cut and my heart is bleeding out. 

Oh, this pain won’t stop.  I’ll be okay… I’ll be… okay…

_‘Okay’_...  That’s all he said.

Okay?!  After five years?  Okay is all he can say…

He doesn’t understand.  I know that look he gave me; wide eyed, slack jawed, and just utter confusion. I’ve seen it too many times when I try to tell him that I am hurt or wounded by his words. He never understands and he gives me that lost puppy look.  I know all of his looks, all of them branded into my heart.

I was going to speak to him in person, but he called. I knew he would. He can’t wait a day for things to be resolved. I don’t know what I expected with that Skype call.  A word?… An argument? 

No. I wanted him to let me get out what I wanted to say. 

He said he was thinking about relationships. Five years too late.  God, I am bitter. I need a bath. A hot bath with lots of bubbles.  Maybe wine?  No just tea.  I need to be clear… for once.

I even forgot how to make tea.  Oh God, here is his cup.  I love how he cradles the cup in his hands, so soft yet so masculine.  Will he ever use this cup again? I can’t think about that now. 

Oh no, I touched his cup!  Oh, here come the tears again…

Did I make a mistake?  I must have made a mistake.  I wouldn’t be surprised if I did because I make them often. 

Funny, maybe the question should be how many mistakes have I made? 

Telling him I needed a step back?  Or was it that I waited too long to do so?

At least I don’t have a pathological need to ignore everything wrong with me.

I know I’ve made mistakes. I’ve lied to him, manipulated him, and just asked for too much.

I should have spoken to him earlier in the relationship, before it got this far. I know that.  But when would it have been a good time to tell the love of your life that he is so difficult that I have cried many nights just from his cold-hearted actions and the bone crushing disappointment of our relationship? That has been a while I have to admit. 

I haven’t cried since the end of summer, until last night.  That was when I realized it was always going to be a struggle. I’m too tired to fight anymore.

I know I waited too long to talk to him, but when would have been the best time?

Every time I thought to bring it up, he would say something kind or loving and I am just thrilled he tried.  Still, I should have known.  I do now. I know now.  I should have said I knew, but I couldn’t admit it...  So many should haves…

Maybe I should have told him I needed time to think when he was going to take off to another planet without the courtesy of a word when we were getting a turtle.  Turtles live a long time!  I thought that meant he was ready to think about our future together. 

He was thinking of the future all right, but just with his only true love.  Sheldon Cooper. 

He never even thought to ask me about it.  He said every one of our friends said he should ask me, so that proves he can talk to everyone else and not me. 

Or he was afraid because he knew what my reaction would be. 

I should have said then, forget this… I need to take a step back, but then, damn it, he said he wanted me to go to Mars with him.  He drew me in again...we even talked about children. I wonder if he even realizes that children would mean coitus.

Who am I kidding?  He would run to the first Martian fertility clinic that opened up just so he won’t have to get into my space pants. 

I knew then, but didn’t say.

Should I have said something when he thought he ruined Christmas by getting me a present?  No… he was just being silly and he liked the cookies so much.  He seemed so happy.

Here it is, the picture frame.  He looks so cute on Santa’s lap.  Santa looks ticked, but who cares?  I love that adorable face.  ‘ _I hope you treasure this… as much as I treasure you_ …’  I just had to hear it one more time. Once more, his deep perfect voice.  At least I don’t have to go to CostCo for batteries anymore.  I think I’ve gone through twenty packs since Christmas. 

I need to put this away.  I’ll put it with my tiara.  It will be safe until I can train my heart not to bleed out just at the sight of it.

Maybe I should have said something to him when he almost ruined Prom with his little tantrum. 

No… not then either.  That was a magical night that filled me so much hope.  He told me he loved me with such conviction, like he knew for so long.

Why didn’t he tell me before?  The three words I waited years to hear and he says them with ease and a mere shoulder shrug like it was the most natural thing in the world.

He said he loved me. 

God, here comes the stinging tears again.  Oh no!  Stinging tears are a symptom of Lyme disease!

Oh who am I kidding, stinging tears are a symptom of dating Sheldon Cooper.  Good thing the bath is almost ready, I can wash off these mascara stained cheeks.

I thought I knew then, but he made me rethink it.  I should have known I was right.

A better time to discuss the relationship was when he came back from that ill-fated train trip disaster.  He didn’t want me to come pick him up and called Leonard.  Did he even miss me?  If he wasn’t robbed, how long would he have stayed away?

When he came back, by chance… he didn’t want to see me because he didn’t want me to think less of him, but did he even miss me? 

He drew me back again, and I was weak.  I was just so happy he said he was worried what I thought of him.  I hoped that meant he cared what I thought.  He should have known I loved everything about him, his faults, quirks and every success. 

He said nothing about it again, and I was the fool who let him.  He doesn’t know enough to know when he does wrong, but I do and I said nothing.

Maybe that was the first mistake. 

I understand he was overwhelmed, but he couldn’t even discuss it with me?  I didn’t deserve a phone call?  It was only when Penny and Leonard called me that I even KNEW he was going.  I left that message and he did call to say he was okay.  Forty-five days later, all he does when he comes back is going through photos on his trip.  He didn’t even want to see me. 

THAT’S when I should have said something.  That’s when I should have put my foot down and told him.  He needed to appreciate me. 

That whole summer, I knew it.  When he came back, I should have told him then.  I knew then, and I said nothing.  It just wasn’t the right time.

No, a better time would have been when he called BEFORE he left and after he mocked my dreams for the future.  A future any normal human would want.  I should have chased him down the hall and told him off right then and there.  What was he gonna do? Leave me without saying good-bye?  Oh, gee… THAT would have been TERRIBLE!  God, I wish he got sarcasm sometimes.  It would have great to tell him off them.  What’s wrong with wanting that future?  And what’s wrong with wanting it with me? That would have been a good time to bring it up. 

That would have been perfect. 

How dare he mock everything I’ve ever wanted, heck any normal person would want?  I want a family, a loving husband.  I want children, and I want to grow old with the man I am in love with more than my own breath.  He dismissed it like I was asking for an unlimited chocolate supply and super powers.  Funny, he probably would have thought that was a good idea, and never would have mocked that.

I knew then, but he was so overwhelmed with Professor Proton dying and Leonard and Penny’s engagement that I just couldn’t.  It was bad enough I brought up moving in together. That was a big mistake, and I knew it. 

It was all my fault.  Beginning to end. 

I knew I was wrong to have hope.  That was the biggest mistake. 

I know him, I do.  I know that he doesn’t want any of this, but I wanted it all; a perfect boyfriend who loved me and put me first.  A man who couldn’t wait to see and kiss me after 45 days.  A man whom I didn’t have to fight for every scrap of affection he doles out to me like bread crumbs to a bird.

God, this bath is hot, but I need it to soothe my cold skin.  Always cold.  The layers I wear for comfort are never enough. I thought his arms could replace the scratchy wool, but it is so rare I feel them around me, I can never get warm. 

I remember him bathing me when I was sick.  He was so gentle, but he kept his eyes away.  He wasn’t even curious how I looked naked.  It was two years before he even kissed me after that night he took such good care of me.  I should have told him then that I wanted more. 

No, that was the wrong time.  Even after that night, he still dismissed me.  It seemed every minute with him was a struggle and that he resented our time together.  Is it selfish of me to not want to be resented for wanting more?  I guess it was.

That has been a while though, a few years since he was so callous in how he treated me.  Even hand holding was a struggle that I shouldn’t have to fight.

Before that Valentine’s Day train trip, he always made me feel like a dirty birdy for wanting more. 

Who am I kidding?  He still thinks that, but he seemed to like that kiss on the couch last night.  He kissed me after Prom and he hugs more easily.  I have to give him that, this year has been better, but what a struggle to get to this point.  How long would I have to wait for more?

What’s wrong with wanting more?  Why should I feel bad for wanting to kiss my boyfriend?  I love everything about him, from his thin, beckoning lips to his sex on stick hair.  Of course, I can’t say a word because he would think all I want is sex.

God forbid I ever get a compliment from him.  I think the only thing he has ever said about my appearance is that my hair looked like a duck caught in an oil spill.  I don’t even know if he thinks I am pretty.  Maybe I disgust him.  No… no… he said I was pretty.  He said it.  Once… in five years.

I tell him things all the time, but when I want to show my affection, why is that so wrong?  Why should I have to negotiate for the length of our kiss?  Doesn’t he want to kiss me, or is the act so repellant he had to keep the time to minimum.  I should have asked him that when we negotiated the length of the Date Night kiss.  I had to ask him about kissing like a constitutional lawyer, using the rules of the Relationship Agreement by pointing out he violated it.  He was so upset to be cornered by his own agreement, he agreed begrudgingly.  Again, I had to ask.  It’s always me.

I asked for the sleepover, not him.  I asked him to Prom!  ME!  I planned the train trip. I have to remind him to kiss me on Date Night.  I have to ask to hold his hand.  I have to remind him that going to another planet without consulting your girlfriend is dismissive.  I have to say it all.  He never says ANYTHING!  DOES ANYTHING! 

I do it all, and then have to feel bad about it.  I am so tired.  So tired of being the desperate one.  The only one who has a sense of longing in this relationship.  He never wanted any of it.

I knew he was fighting it all, but I pushed.  I knew that he would never really think of a future together.  I knew he would never ask me to marry him, want children with me, but still I had my four year plan.  Like a fool, I knew all that, but yet I continued to hope and push.    

What I know now and what is cutting my soul, is that I know he will never be able to be that man. That loving man I think of at night when I am alone, cuddling my cold pillow, stroking it as the lover I will never know.

For too long, the name of that angel who would rescue me from loneliness was named Sheldon.  I thought he was my salvation.  It was never fair to put such expectations on him.  I should have known, I was always alone in this relationship.  Now I have to decide if it is enough.

He will always be distracted by some silly juvenile fantasy.  He will always be more interested in his silly games or space shows than me.  I just am not a priority.  I am not the one, and the sad truth is, I doubt anyone would be.

I expected more because after five years, you think a man who says he loves you would be willing to make the leap, but he still doesn’t think of me even when our lips are together.

I knew, and I never said.  Whose fault is that?  His?  No…  Mine…  I knew better, but hope clouded my reason and resolve.

Now I need to decide, how much more I am willing to tolerate, hope for, and wait.  There will always be some reason to feel I am always wanting more than he.  I will always be pulling him to a place in his heart that I hope is there.  The bitter truth is it’s just not there. He doesn’t appreciate me because I just am not important enough to matter to him. Ha, maybe I should change my name to Flash… I will always be behind everything else and everyone else.  I feel I am a thief of his time and love.

I told him I needed to take a step back. I need to see if I can do this anymore.  Can I? 

Five years and all we can do is a distracted make out session on the couch.  How much more can I wait?  Five more years before I get a call from him to tell me he’s decided to go to another planet?  Or for him to willingly kiss me without a contract?  How about when he thinks he is ready for me as a roommate?

I am always feeling like I am bullying him into loving me.  How long can I wait to not be considered needy, a sex fiend, and desperate just because I want more physically intimacy from our relationship?  How long till I feel wanted unconditionally?  He needs to come to me, but he won’t.  That was what I knew.  I knew I was expecting too much.  It’s not his fault, it’s mine.

Should I find another man who would give me what I want; dare I say deserve?  He would make love to me because he wanted to.  He would be happy to see me, and just the thought of me would make him smile.  He would want to marry me, he would want everything I have to give. 

He would want to plan a future with me.

I know exactly how that man would feel about me, because it’s how I feel about Sheldon. I could never love another like I love him.  One look from his Aegean Sea eyes and it feels like the tide pulls me under.  I lose my breath.

Maybe I need to accept what I know.

I will always love him more than he does me.  Always.  Will that be enough?

I just don’t know.

So why am I crying?


	3. Amy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place a week after the Skype call.

I miss Sheldon.  It’s been over a week since I’ve seen him and his adorable face.  

Actually, that’s not true. His face pops up every time he calls me under _Sweet Baboo_.  He still calls twice a day, as it is stipulated in our agreement, even though I asked specifically for some time.  I guess that was to be expected, considering his aversion against change…  I really need to change that ringtone for him though, ‘Love on the Rocks’ just hits too close to home.  

It is getting harder to resist picking up the phone.  I miss his voice too.  Yet, I told him that I have to reevaluate our situation.  I didn’t even start with that, because all I do is trying to distract myself from missing him too much.  Did I make a mistake?  It wasn’t all that bad, was it?  

No!  I had good reason to ask for some time,  hadn't I?...  Yes!   I  just need to start with the reevaluation… If I only wouldn’t be so tired.   Every day I hit the pillow as soon as I get home and then wake up just in time for work.  Yet, I’m still  so tired, and my bones ache as much as my heart…

Tomorrow would have been Date Night.  We would have been together... talking... kissing. 

Damn it.  I really miss him.  

At least he isn’t emailing me all the time.  He would easily lure me back in again…  I need to stay strong and resist his irresistible- 

_** (DING) ** _

Oh, I spoke too soon.  It’s from him... I shouldn't read it... Maybe I should... Should I?  Maybe  he really has thought about our relationship, as he said on Skype.  I should give him a chance and read it.   I know I should work this out on my own, but one email wouldn’t hurt...

So what does my sweet-

Oh hell no!   “On Hold Agreement”?!?!…   We will just see about that…

* * *

  **The Relationship "On Hold" Agreement**

This contract is to specify the details of the relationship between Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, hereinafter referred to as the "girlfriend", and Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper, hereinafter referred to as the "boyfriend", while its status is "on hold".  As it was requested by the girlfriend with no reason at all because the boyfriend did not do anything that would justify her unreasonable need "to take a step back".   (Note: Why won't you just tell me what I seemingly did wrong?)

General contact

a) As it is stipulated in the "Relationship Agreement", both parties are obliged to contact each other at least two times daily.  During this tedious "break", only one call is required.

b) In case the girlfriend remains unwilling to fulfill this simple duty and continues to ignore the boyfriend calls, maybe she will find it in herself to at least answer his emails.   (Note: Stop screening my calls!)

Date Nights

a) For the duration of said "on hold" status, there won't be any weekly Date Nights .  (Note: Therefore, there won't be any Date Night kisses as well. Have you thought about that?! You know how much you love kissing me!)

b) It is strictly forbidden for both parties to go on dates with other people during this "break".   (Note: If you'll do that, I'll put you on my mortal enemy list. I mean it.)

Consumption of alcohol

It is forbidden to consume any sort of alcohol during this stupid "break".  There are no exceptions allowed.   (Note: Considering the latest developments between Leonard and Penny, this is to prevent you from kissing some low life jerk that comes along. You know how easy you lose all self-effacement when inebriated.)

Validity

This contract will be valid for the duration of this moronic "break", which should be over after two weeks.   (Note: I am counting the last one too. So you'll have another week for your "reevaluation of our situation". I think that should be enough.)

You undoubtedly see how reasonable these terms are.  I understand that you are obviously controlled by your second X chromosome at the moment, but that does not mean we should start to let chaos control our lives.  So please sign it and send me a copy.  Should I have forgotten something, I will send you an amendment. 

I love you.

 

Sheldon

* * *

The nerve of that guy!  Like I would get together with someone else!  How little he knows me.  Why should that be any surprise, right?  He ignored  anything about me for the first three years.  Every conversation was about him. 

I doubt he knows anything about me!  Now that I think about it, does he even know my favorite color?  That I like French movies?  Or even Medieval Literature?  What does he know about me?   Nothing.  

Jerk.  That I was even considering forgetting about this break...

I should get drunk right away!  Yes, that ’ s a good idea.  I will pour myself a glass of wine...  

How ridiculous this  _ ‘ agreement ’ _ is!  It is as if common sense has left him altogether and I should tell him that tomorrow when I'm over at Penny's for Girls Night!

Or maybe I should just rewrite it and send it back…  I don’t want to see him.  Now and I am not sure if ever! 

We should have moved Girls Night to my apartment, but Penny doesn’t want to drive.  I don ’ t blame her.  I just hope against hope that I don’t see him.  

No, I  will be okay, even if I do see him.  I have to do so eventually.  Just as long as he doesn’t make some controlling comment about the ONE glass of wine I might have, it should be okay.  Even Sheldon is not that stupid.

Back to this moronic ‘agreement’...  How delusional that he thinks I would accept it…  I will write him back and tell him what I think of this.  So, what’s the first paragraph? ‘General contact’…

* * *

  **The next evening in apartment 4b**

 

_ “ All right Ladies!  The first annual  ‘ Why Guys Suck! ’ meeting is called to order!  As honorary president of the  ‘ Guys Suck Club ’ I will toast this occasion with the first glass of wine!  Cheers. ” _

Penny isn ’ t fooling anyone because that is NOT her first glass of wine!  

I should leave her be.  She has a good reason to be ticked.  Little Leonard kissing another woman?  I just can ’ t imagine it!  It ’ s so out of character for him!  

He was so happy to see her when he got back from the expedition.  He didn ’ t show any signs of guilt at all!  To bring it up  just before they are going to get married?  It ’ s so typical Freudian fear of success.  I should tell Penny that. 

_ “ Penny, maybe Leonard sabotaging his new found happiness with you is his manifestation of his fear of success.  You know, Freud said,  ‘ It is not at all unusual for the ego to tolerate a wish as harmless so long as it exists in fantasy alone and seems remote from fulfillment, whereas the ego will defend itself hotly against such a wish as soon as it approaches fulfillment and threatens to become a reality. ’” _

Penny ’ s dead pan expression means she is either processing what I said, or she has already had a few too many.

_ “ Amy.  Please get drunk.  Leonard is a cheating jerk.  That is the punch line!  He stole Howard ’ s girlfriend, slept with Dr. Plimpton what ’ s her name a week after we broke up and cheated on Priya... Although, who cares about Priya. ” _

_ “ Got it!  Jerk!  Here here! ” _

I better leave my psychoanalyst background to myself.  At least Bernie would believe me... right?  

Nope.  She is shaking her head at me.

_ “ Amy, Penny doesn ’ t need to hear about the Ego or Id any more than you need to hear about Freud ’ s theory of arrested development and Peter Pan Complex. ” _

She ’ s right, I don ’ t need to hear about that.  Not at all.  I do need the full glass of wine she hands me though.  

_ “ You would think that the nerdy boys would be the good guys, you know?  I never in a million years thought Leonard would ever cheat on me.  Never. ” _

_ “ Why not? ” _

They both look at me like I am crazy, but it ’ s an innocent question.  I mean Sheldon would never cheat on me.  He can ’ t even cheat  with me.  Unless he is just using me to get practice for another girl...  

Am I the one who teaches him to be a real boy and Pinocchio goes off with some buxom red head, or worse another physicist who he can work with and get the Nobel Prize?!  Wait a minute...  Doesn ’ t he talk to that Dr. Plimpton all the time?  

If Leonard can cheat, why not Sheldon?  Oh God, where is that wine?  Not enough wine!... And it’s getting warm in here.   Hot even.   I need to get rid of these cardigans.

_ “ Why not?! Look at me?  Why would he? ” _

Penny is flipping her hair back again.  I think sometimes she forgets she cut it.  Like a phantom flip. 

_ “ Men cheat on beautiful women all the time.  If he is a cheater, it’s not about you, or the other woman.  It’s about them.  Jerks!  Say, Leonard hasn’t … um … heard from that Plimpton lady, again has he? ” _ Sip this wine and look away.

Oh dear.  Bernie is looking at me again to shut up.  I need to just drink this and let them talk.  Maybe Bernie will say something helpful now instead.

_ “ Penny, I don ’ t want to make excuses for Leonard, but he did stop the kiss.  That says a lot about him. ” _

_ “ But why would he need to kiss her at all?  Wasn't I good enough? ” _

Oh God, Penny ’ s got that high pitch cry in her voice now.  The water works will surely come any second now.  I really should say something comforting to my Bestie.

_ “ At least he is cheating on you with a real woman.  Sheldon seems to be more in love with his TV shows than me. I have to compete with  ‘ Star Trek ’ and  ‘ The Flash ’ .  You just had some half-drunk Smoker on a boat in the North Sea.  At least she went away. At least … he knows … he did … something … wrong …” _

Oh God, here really comes the water works.  Good thing Bernie is holding the Kleenex box already.  

_ “ Listen up ladies! We are women, hear us roar!  Right?  Ladies?  Oh come on!  We are out of Kleenex! ” _

_ “ Sheldon has extra Kleenex.  I'll go get s …” _

Oh there it is.  That gut punch.  He has become a part of me, so much I don ’ t even realize it.  I asked him the other day if he wanted more tea, and he wasn ’ t even there.  I just sat with his tea cup, steaming away on the other side of the table.  I told the empty chair all about work.  Funny, it had as much to say as he usually does.  

_ “ Come on Amy.  Sit here.  We don ’ t need Kleenex.  We need to plan our lives without thinking about the guys across the hall. ” _

Penny is so cute when she taps the cushion.  I think she is right.  

What will my life be like not hoping for Sheldon to make a move?  What would it be like not spending the date on pins and needles when I want to bring up something about our relationship, like getting a turtle, or adding kissing, or planning our Valentine ’ s Day?

I spend the evening chewing my lip waiting for an opening.  Then it comes, the eye rolling.  How I can ’ t keep it in my pants, or some comment that all I think about is sex.  I want to have more kissing, and he thinks I am just after sex!

_ “ KISSING ISN'T SEX!!! ” _

Oh that wine is hitting my head.  I better slow down.  Penny is looking at me funny.  I shouldn ’ t shout.

_ “ You’re right, Amy. It's not. Maybe I should chill out.  I mean, Leonard didn’t have sex with her. He stopped it.  He should have told me though!  Why is it so hard to say the truth? ” _

_ “ Maybe he was afraid of your reaction.  I mean, what if he tells you how he really feels and you reject him?...  What if you told him, it' s not about the kiss or sex, it’s about that fact he was intimate with another?  He can be intimate with others, tell them things... his birthday for example...  He can get his mother flowers and hug people, even tell them he loves them so easily, but when it comes to you, nothing. It ’ s like your special, but not in a good way.  It’s like he goes out of his way to reject you, and make you feel like you are an alien for having needs for intimacy.  And not a good alien that he likes. Oh no … “ _

_ “ Amy …“ _

_ “ He looks at you like a sex crazed alien just because you wanted to hug him after you spent the night in our fort!  Maybe he ’ s dolling intimacy out to you a little at time because he doesn ’ t desire you, and he never did. He is just doing it to shut you up. ” _

_ “ Amy …”   _ Bernie is saying something, but I can ’ t hear her.

_ “ Maybe he doesn ’ t want to know that you never felt more alone than those times he looks at you like you ’ re undesirable .  Maybe he never will want you like that, and he just doesn ’ t have the guts to say it.  Maybe you ’ ll spend years waiting for something that will never happen.  Maybe  …” _

Penny looks so confused, from what I can make out. My eyes are blurry...I didn ’ t think I drank that much.

_ “ Are we still talking about Leonard? ” _

_ “ Penny, she was never talking about Leonard.  Here Amy, I got some Kleenex from the bedroom. ” _

Bernie’s shoulder is nice... comfortable.  The ring on her tiny hand is so shiny...  Penny has a ring too...  Their hands look complete.   My hands are so dry from the washing I give them every day at work.  That soap they have is so harsh, but I guess that is better than getting mad cow disease.   

If I had a ring, it would just rip through my gloves.  I don ’ t need a ring anyway.  I just need my gloves.  That ’ s all I need.  That and this tasty wine.  Oh wait, Bernie is taking it away.  Why?

_ “ Amy, I think a half a glass in your condition is enough. ” _

_ “ SHE' S PREGNANT??? ” _

_ “ NO PENNY!  She’s beyond sad that her relationship with Sheldon is on the outs, and drinking now is a bad idea.  A REALLY BAD IDEA! ” _

Oh, man. Bernie has a set of lungs on her.  Boy, she would make such a good mom.  Too bad she is dead set again it.  Pregnant?  Me?  HA!  Not likely.   Ever!   I will never have a child.   Never.

_ “ The day I say I am pregnant is the day Sheldon goes into Geology. Never gonna happen.  If Sheldon and I break up, I won ’ t date another man.  Why bother? I went years, and no one turned my head.  No one is interested in having sex with me, not even my boyfriend. ” _

Sheldon just has no interest in-

_ “ If he did, that would fix everything! ” _

Oh, what a  ‘ great ’ idea that is, Penny... It wouldn ’ t fix anything!

_ “ The only reason Sheldon would have sex with me now would be so we would have our relationship back. He doesn ’ t want me. I am not a sexually attractive woman to him. “ _

Penny is pouring herself another glass...  How many did she already have that the bottle is empty?  But of course she has more in her kitchen.

_ “ Well, Amy, I know for a fact you have had a few guys interested in you.  Don’ t think I didn’t see the tag on that bottle of wine you brought over for girls night a while ago.  ‘ LOVE Barry? ’   Is that the same Barry that made Sheldon cry like a little girl? ” _

_ “ Yes. I helped him with some math that Sheldon was too good to use.  See that was another thing.  He couldn ’ t even let me work with him.  He doesn ’ t respect me that way! ” _

_ “ Oh don'  feel special, he doesn’t want to work with anyone.  Leonard and he got into it over that paper that was Leonard 's idea.  Sheldon works alone.  Like the  ‘ Lone Ranger ’ . ” _

_ “ He had Tonto. ” _

_ “ Yeah.  That makes like no sense why he would be the Lone Ranger …” _ Penny has that confused face again.  It ’ s so adorable really...

_ “ Yeah, think about it.  Showing Sheldon you can be helpful in his field would be like taking the one thing he has away. ” _

_ “ Bernie, Sheldon knows I am just as smart as he is.  He loves that about me. ” _

That at least is one thing I am sure of.

_ “ Yes, but he needs to be better at something!  He's a one trick pony. He can ’ t play well with others, he ’ s not physical strong, he can ’ t make a joke or get sarcasm.  The only thing he has is his mind.  If you showed that you were as smart as he is in physics, you take away his only redeeming quality!  It would be like telling Howie he couldn ’ t tell jokes anymore.  What else does he got besides tight little pants?  Even if he wanted to partner up with someone, they wouldn ’ t because he has no sense of humor. ” _

_ “ Oh, Sheldon is funny!  He is the funniest person I know.  I love his childlike approach to life. ” _

_ “ That is a double edged sword though.  Howie is childlike too, but coming to the bedroom with his Superman onesie is a little much. ” _

_ They don ’ t understand what I am talking about,  “ Not the juvenile stuff, like comic and junk. I mean, his approach to life.  He is always ready to have fun with an innocent enthusiasm.  He is giddy and has such a genuine smile. ” _

God I love his smile.  Like when we made that fort together.  He was slaphappy with excitement.  He even extended the Date Night.  What a wonderful evening.  I miss him and his giddy smile.

_ “ I ’ ve never seen that. ” _

Ah finally, Penny comes back to the couch with a new full bottle,  “ Me either, I live across the hall from the grumpy Gus. ”

Huh? They have never seen that?  Another bottle of wine probably isn ’ t a good idea.  Penny should really slow down, obviously she must already suffering memory lapses.  Bernie said she wouldn ’ t drink because she would drive me home, but I better check her diet coke for rum.  Sheldon is ALWAYS smiling.  

_ “ What are you talking about?  He has that smile all the time.  He has this cute giggle when- ” _

_ “ Giggle? HA!  I have NEVER heard Sheldon giggle. EVER! ” _

_ “ Snicker, sneer, or snort in haughty derision, but never giggle.  Cackle with a devious glee at someone ’ s else ’ s pain, yep seen that. ” _

Um... I wonder why they say Sheldon is not fun.  I love spending time with him. 

_ “ Maybe he only smiles like that with you! ” _

Hm.  I never thought about that.  Could it be he is happy having fun with me?  Nah, he just wants a playmate. 

_ “ Do you think that ’ s all I am to him, a playmate? ” _

_ “ Maybe. But as soon as he realizes that there is more to play with, look out! ” _

Yeah, right.  You can raise your eyes as much as you want, Penny.  It ’ s  not going to happen.

_ “ Five years and just one make out session. I doubt he wants to find more to play with. Nope, ladies. It ’ s time I face facts.  Sheldon doesn ’ t love me the same way I love him.  I ’ ve been knocking my head again the brick wall of Sheldon Cooper for five years. It ’ s time to stop knocking once and for all! ” _

_** (Knock knock knock) ** _

Who could that be?  Please, please, please, no triple knocking! 

Oh thank God, it ’ s only Leonard!  Oh man, Penny is going to crucify him.  Oh here come Rajesh and Howard.  

Where is he?  I don ’ t want to see him.   He tried to call me only once yesterday after I have sent him my revision of his stupid agreement.  I am a bit surprised that he didn ’ t spam my account with emails demanding an explanation for my irrational female behavior,  ‘ controlled by my second X chromosome ’ ...  What a misogynistic thing that is to say...  No!  I really don ’ t want to see him!  I  can ’ t  see him now...I  really can ’ t.

I hate how they look at me now, such distain or pity, I don ’ t know.  Actually, they look like that at me very often.  Dating Sheldon obviously does bring the pity out in people.  

I should get out of here before-

Oh God! There he is …

He looks  so handsome.  He  always looks handsome. 

My hands are cold, but my heart is beating so fast.  How can my heart be pounding so fast but there isn ’ t enough oxygen?  I need air.  

Should I say something?  I wish I would know what to say... I wish I could speak, but my throat won ’ t work anyway.  

Oh, he is stepping close to me.  I can ’ t stand his intoxicating talc scent, not now.  Step back!

Yes, I need to take a step back… a step back… to reevaluate our situation... I need to take a step back and reevaluate our situation. 

I told him that.  I said I need to take a step back.  It ’ s not far enough.  I can ’ t do this.  I need him too much.

Oh, his eyes.

God those eyes can melt me.  Just a moment to look at them, that wouldn ’ t be so bad, would it?  They look like they are pleading with me.  He is licking his lips and saying nothing.  Say something Sheldon!  Say something.  Do something.   FEEL SOMETHING!

All these eyes on us.  I can ’ t stand the spotlight.  I want to be alone with him.  I want him to kiss me again.  No words, just grab me by the waist and kiss me.  Show me you love me, and all this doesn ’ t matter.  All that matters to you is us.  Not a TV show... or anything...  Just us.  

Too much to hope.  I always ask for too much.

Penny and Leonard are talking at least.  That ’ s good... I think.  At least they aren ’ t looking at us anymore.  How can I speak when my heart is in my throat?  What do I say to the man I ’ ve loved for so long?  I wish he would speak first.  He needs to speak first.  I can ’ t take this much more.

_ “ Hello Amy. ” _

Oh thank God.  He said something!  Oh, how I love his voice...

His mouth is so tempting.  Oh dear, I stepped closer to him.  I need to speak now.  

SAY SOMETHING FOWLER!

_ “ Hello Sheldon. ” _

Okay, that was a good start.  Should I say more?

Maybe a step closer first.  I took my step back, and now one step closer will make it like it was, even for a moment. 

He is looking at me so sweetly.  Wait … his face is scrunching up like a lemon.  What is wrong now?

_ "I can smell alcohol. You weren't planning on going out, were you? It's bad enough that you're disregarding my very reasonable behavioral rules during this 'break', but that's no reason to hang out in bars and whatever shady places. You're making yourself an easy target!" _

Did he just say that to me?! Oh hell no!  He did not … He did … That JERK!

_ “ Sheldon … I am going to say this as calmly as I can. I will do what I want, when I want. If you think for a moment, that you can tell me what you do, you ’ re fooling yourself.  You think I would go out and get drunk and pick up some guy? Is that how little you think of me? ” _

I have the urge to poke him in the chest...  Oh yes, that feels good... and he is the one taking a step back now.  

_ “ Silent, huh? Well, there ’ s a first.  Listen up!  If I go to a bar, that is my business. I am not subjecting myself to anything and if you think I am making myself a target, that is akin to saying I am asking for it. Is that what you are saying Sheldon?  That I am asking for it? ” _

Ah, there ’ s that blank expression, and pale look again.  He better answer me though.  And it better be fast!

_ “Uhm… No?”  _

God,  why do I bother?  It’s such a chore to educate this man.  I am done!  

Done with this for now at least.

I need my things, where the hell is my purse?  Where’s my cardigan?  Where’s the other one.  Why is everyone looking at me!?  Stop looking at me!  I got to get away from everyone. 

I knew this was a mistake coming here.  

Don’t you look at me, moron!  Don’t you dare giving me those eyes.  I can’t take them tonight.  I can’t even get the words out to say good bye because my throat is so dry and feels like someone is squeezing it.  

I just can’t say good bye.  Not yet anyway.

I can’t get out of here fast enough.

 

 


	4. Sheldon POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter takes place at the same time as the previous one.

I just don't know why Amy isn't answering me. It's been an hour since I have sent her the interim agreement. Is she even ignoring that?

No. I know she values our Relationship Agreement as much as I do.

Maybe she hasn't read the email yet.

Why though? Ugh, not knowing what she is doing any given time of the day as I usually do is unnerving me...

**(DING)**

Oh, an email! Please, please, please be from Amy!

Yes! Yay!

WHAAAT?!

* * *

**Dear Sheldon,**

**I re-wrote your ridiculous 'On Hold Agreement' with something it sorely lacked.**

**Common sense.**

**But seeing as you refuse to conduct our relationship without a manual or time schedule and insist on regulating EVERYTHING between us, please note the new**

**Relationship "On Hold" Agreement**

**This contract is to specify the details of the relationship between Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, hereinafter referred to as the "girlfriend", and Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper, hereinafter referred to as the "boyfriend", while its status is "on hold" because of a reasonable request by the frustrated girlfriend since the boyfriend couldn't even bother to consider the relationship on their anniversary or any other time, frankly.** _**(Note: Why can't you realize that I need to reevaluate our situation and leave it alone?)** _

**General contact**

**a) As it is stipulated in the "Relationship Agreement", both parties are obliged to contact each other at least two times daily. During this "tedious" break, no calls required.**

**b) In case the boyfriend remains unwilling to fulfill this simple duty and continues to ignore the girlfriend's request for no contact, the girlfriend will have no choice but to change her number. Emails will not be returned and further action may include blocking of said boyfriend's email address and removal of boyfriend from all online social media groups.**

**Date Nights**

**a) For the duration of said "on hold" status, there won't be any weekly Date Nights** _**. (Note: Funny, I thought you enjoyed kissing me? I guess that was too hard to admit or more likely, you don't enjoy it and never did. Kissing is on hold permanently. I don't need kissing as much as you think, Pal. Do you?)** _

**b) It is strictly forbidden for both parties to go on dates with other people during this break.** _**(Agreed. I can't think how I would react if I saw you with another woman. I am not ready for that. Yet…)** _

**Consumption of alcohol**

**Both parties are responsible enough to monitor their own alcohol consumption.** _**(Only one of us has taken off their pants while drunk** _ **…** _**If you don't trust me enough to even suggest I would kiss someone else, this ends now. PS: I'm drinking a glass of wine while writing this, and no, I am not drunk.)** _

**Validity**

**a) This contract will be valid for the duration of this break which will continue until both parties agree, and not before. This "moronic" break is to reevaluate our relationship. Seeing as you have not considered this relationship in the last five years unless it adversely affected you, maybe you should use this time wisely.**

**You undoubtedly will NOT see how reasonable these terms are. For you to blame this break on my "female hormones" shows your tendency to handle any disagreement with blame displacement and denial. Should I blame your lack of interest in me for five years, except for one distracted make out session, on a low testosterone count? You should have that checked.**

**It also shows that you haven't thought for a moment that there are issues between us and that you could possibly be at fault.**

**I love you, too.**

**Amy**

* * *

WHAT THE HELL?! That is the most unreasonable thing I have EVER read! THIS is ridiculous and not my version, which was thoroughly justifiable!

Oh Little Lady, let me assure you that my testosterone level is PERFECTLY normal! I would even guess it's unnaturally high right now!

Maybe I really need to go to a doctor and check on that. I have the strange urge to hit something… never had that before…

Where was I?

Oh! Of course. I need to call her and bring sense back into her clearly clouded mind. Not drunk? Please, you're not fooling me.

Drat, she switched off her phone.

I wish Leonard would be here, but he's still at Caltech. Maybe the guys have an idea how I can make things right again when they come over tomorrow.

Even though I think, she has to make things right again with  **me** , especially after sending me this 'agreement'.

Women...

Oh well, I'll just go to bed now and hope for at least a few hours of sleep. I slept almost not at all since the Skype call… She is indeed ruining me…

* * *

**The next evening in apartment 4a**

Here we are again as it used to be, four guys having dinner, like in the good old days.

Then again, it is only because the women refuse to see and/or speak with us…

At least Leonard is still here, unmarried and miserable. He really messed things up with Penny and  **unlike**  me, he deserves the silent treatment she is giving him right now. He will never leave me, which is indeed comforting.

However, obviously I have my own lady troubles to care about. Why Amy refuses to talk to me is simply baffling, and her email… that's just uncalled for!

_"I don't know why Amy reacted so irrationally. All I did was send her a short agreement with the specific terms of this idiotic 'break', but she made it sound like I did something completely indecorous in her response. I_ _just_ _don't know what's going on with that woman…"_

_"Maybe you shouldn't have called her request 'stupid', 'moronic', 'tedious', and whatnot. I told you already at lunch that it's a mistake."_

Huh? Oh, I must have spoken out loud. I didn't sleep last night  **again**  and apparently I'm starting to lose control over my mouth. That's unsettling…

_"What else should I have called it, Leonard? It_ _**is** _ _tedious, moronic, stupid and whatnot. Ugh, I'm so tired! She's ruining my sleeping schedule!"_

It's confusing and irritating. I don't know why suddenly everything in our Relationship Agreement isn't valid anymore. I called her at least twice a day, as it is stipulated, but she never answered. I am used to hear her voice daily...

I really don't know why she's doing this to me.

What 'issues' is she referring to?

'Issues'… what does that even mean? The only 'issue' I have at the moment is that I can't sleep and it's her fault.

And what the heck did she mean with I should use the time 'wisely'? I  **never**  use my time unwisely!

I was sure she would agree to my plausible points. She is after all a woman with an exceptional rational mind... except when she's behaving completely nonsensical. It lacks 'common sense'?! Seriously, if I wouldn't know better, I would fear that she's high on drugs.

_"You should just leave her alone and give her the time she asked for."_

Hm. She did write 'Why can't you realize that I need to reevaluate our situation and leave it alone' _…_

Leave it alone…

Pfft... Doesn't she know me at all? If I could, I would... Or not.

Maybe I could  **try**  if I would know why she needs to reevaluate our situation. She still hasn't told me.

She is punishing me. I know it. For what for God's sake?

Should I leave her alone?

Nope. She's obviously not thinking clearly and what does Leonard know anyway?

_"Oh look who's suddenly the woman whisperer. Is Penny talking to you again? Because the last time I spoke with her, she said that I'm not allowed to mention your name. It's like you're Voldemort for her, 'He who must not be named'."_

_"'Funny', Sheldon."_

_"I know."_

I am disappointed in him though. I knew that he has low morals when it comes to the opportunity to get sex, but that he cheated on Penny surprised me. It surprised EVERYONE.

_"Seriously, Dude! How could you?! You're a low life cheater!"_

It really is despicable.

_"Raj! Bros before hos!"_

No surprise that Howard sees it differently.

_"No Howard. He stuck his tongue into someone else's throat while Penny was waiting here for him_ _**and** _ _took care of Sheldon. What were you thinking, Leonard?"_

Hey! I heard that!

_"NO ONE needs to 'take care' of me!"_

_"It was just a kiss! It didn't mean anything and it wouldn't have happened at all if I wouldn't have been so drunk."_

_"Pfft. There is no acceptable excuse for your actions. I would never, ever kiss anybody else regardless of how inebriated I was. I wonder why Penny didn't dump you on the spot. I could never forgive Amy and I'm sure she wouldn't forgive me either."_

_"No one else besides Amy would_ _**ever** _ _kiss you anyway. But maybe she isn't that enamored with you anymore to care enough about you kissing someone else."_

What is Raj getting at? And what the hell does he mean, she wouldn't be 'that enamored with me anymore'? Of course she is!

Right?

_"Why wouldn't she care enough about me?"_

_"Maybe because you forbade her to drink alcohol and basically accused her of cheating if she would?"_

_"I did no such thing! But Leonard's behavior is just another proof that nothing good happens when one is drunk. You just agreed that he messed up!"_

_"But Amy would never do that. So you completely went over the top with that 'no alcohol rule'."_

_"I did not! She obviously is temporarily insane, and as her boyfriend it is my duty to protect her. I cannot allow that she lets some obscure enticer kiss her delectable lips in a moment of mental aberration."_

Ugh! The idea of Amy with someone else is haunting me badly. I really need to stop thinking about that. I will never sleep ever again...

" _Also, just that you know, I_ _was_ _kissed by another woman."_

I didn't like it, but it's still true. So there is no reason to stare at me like that… with utter surprise apparently. I am a kissable person! Just ask Amy!

_"Really? And who would that have been?"_

And here's Howard thinking he's going to make me look bad.

_"Leonard's mother."_

_"WHAAAT?!"_

_"YOU KISSED_ _**MY** _ _MOTHER?!"_

_"Dude! That's NOT okay!"_

What did  **I**  do?!

Uh oh, Leonard looks like he's going to hit me... Not that it would hurt, he's such a wuss...

_"I didn't kiss her, she kissed me! She was_ _drunk_ _by the way. So were_ _you_ _Raj, when you hooked up with Penny."_

_"Why, oh why God do I have to suffer?"_

Oh, so now my cheating kissy face roommate wants us to feel sorry for him. I think not.

_"Because you cheated on your fiancée. Anyhow, so I have very good reason to be worried about what Amy might do in an inebriated state given her history. She kissed me the first time when she was drunk. She was completely plastered when she suggested that I could 'have my way with her' in a motel when we picked her up in that parking lot. She's lucky that I'm a Texan gentleman. Also, I have not forgotten that she was in a_ _**bar** _ _when she met Zach and felt so attracted to him that she considered coitus with him. I know she didn't drink alcohol that time, but the place itself beguiles people to do improper things."_

The thought makes me want to throw up. She's not supposed to serve dessert to anyone but me.

_"Yeah... When you say it like that, you_ _do_ _have a point."_

_"Of course, Leonard. Why do you keep doubting me?"_

_"You know Sheldon, if you wouldn't be such a 'Texan gentleman', you definitely wouldn't have these problems with Amy right now."_

What does Howard mean?... Now I even have to ask for advice from an engineer?… On the other side, he is the only one married here, so he must have done something right… even though I heard that things aren't particularly cushy between him and Bernadette either.

_"How so?"_

_"We all know that Amy wants to have sex with you out of all reason…"_

What's with all the insults? Of course she wants to have sex with me!

"…  _and if you wouldn't be such an uptight reviler of the best thing ever, you could just make her a lucky woman and all would be good again."_

**PREPOSTEROUS!**

_"What do you know? Raj told me that Bernadette is so angry at you that you have to sleep on the couch."_

_"Raj! What the hell?! I told you that in private."_

_"Sorry! But Sheldon needed cheering up, he was so depressed the other day-"_

_"I wasn't depressed!"_

_"You listened to Taylor Swift in the office! I'm sure you cried too."_

_"I did_ _not_ _! Taylor Swift helps me to concentrate. That's all!"_

_"You're delusional, Buddy. You're heartbroken and it's perfectly normal to feel depressed. Hey, the good thing about this is that we finally have proof that you_ _**do** _ _have a heart..."_

Haha! Aren't we all 'funny' this evening?

_"Leonard, for the umpteenth time, I am NOT heartbr-"_

_"I can hear you through the wall at nights."_

Son of a biscuit! Okay, denial and haughty derision. Denial and haughty derision.

_"Pfft. You were_ _**clearly** _ _dreaming things."_

_"If you say so."_

Well, of course I cry. I suffer from severe insomnia after all. Naturally my emotional friends misinterpret it and think that I'm crying because of Amy… and the fact that she's ignoring me and that I can't see her… look at her shiny eyes… smell her lovely scent… kiss her silken lips… just be with her…

I digress… Where was I?

_"I say so and now enough of that..."_

I need a new target of derision… Ah, yes. Mister Master Degree.

" _So Howard, things don't seem so good between you and your wife either..."_

_"It's entirely your fault! I mean, why do_ _**I** _ _have to suffer because Leonard kissed someone else and you're a jerk? Besides, all I did was being a good friend to you by the way. I don't know either if I should start watching 'The Flash' and I'm with Leonard too. It was just a kiss and they weren't even engaged back then."_

As if that would matter... Amy and I could be engaged by now... No! I'm not thinking about that!

Also, I need to be careful and not tell them about the ring. Amy doesn't know about it and I don't want anyone to tell her. No one in our circle of friends is capable of keeping a secret for even five minutes.

_"So you wouldn't mind, if Bernadette would have kissed another guy before you asked her to marry her?"_

_"Uhm... Yeah Leonard, how could you?!"_

_"Leave me alone guys! I know I messed up. The question is, how do I make it right again?"_

_"WHO CARES?! Can we go back to the original topic? How do I make Amy see her error so that she'll talk to me again and end this break?"_

_"Why is your problem with Amy more important than mine with Penny?"_

Isn't it obvious?

_"Because you were bound to ruin it with Penny, while Amy and I are perfect for each other and it is completely uncalled for that we are currently not enjoying our Date Night."_

Where I would get my Date Night Kiss… I was so sure my reminder that no Date Nights also mean no kisses would make her end this silly 'break'  **instantly**. Why didn't it? She wrote 'kissing is on hold permanently'. That sounds disturbingly determined and final and not like something temporary.

Ohhh, just thinking about her soft and warm lips... She's right, I really do enjoy kissing her. It's so awesome and the best thing-

Wait. Howard said that sex would be the best thing ever. Not to mention that Raj and Leonard confirmed this many times over the years... Would it even be better than kissing?

_"Uhm... Do you think Howard is right? Should I just sleep with Amy?"_

_"Yes. It would solve your problem quick and easy."_

_"You're an ass Howard. No Sheldon, you should NOT do that. She would see right through it and you'd be digging your own grave even deeper as you already did with ruining your anniversary and that stupid agreement. Besides, are you even ready to have sex?"_

I try not to think of coitus with Amy that much lately. I'm already having troubles with sleeping, no need to keep me further awake.

Am I ready? I'm not completely unready, I would say... and if it is indeed better than kissing her...

Anyhow, what I do know though is that I still don't get why she didn't just let me kiss her again on our anniversary... which I didn't ruin at all by the way.

_"Leonard is right. You know what you should do?"_

_"No Raj, if I would I wouldn't have to listen to all of your oh so 'helpful' advices."_

_"I think you should do something really romantic for Amy, something that will blow her mind. She'll have no other choice than to forgive you."_

Oh yeah, 'right'. Romance is his solution to everything. He's useless.

_"Don't roll your eyes, I mean it. I'll help you and in no time she'll be over the moon excited and back worshipping you..."_

That would be indeed awesome.

_"... What do you say? I want to help you. I really can't handle the Shamy broken up. It's so sad."_

_"We're NOT broken up! We're on a break! And stop calling us 'Shamy'."_

_"Either way, you need to fix this!"_

I don't know why I even listen.

_"I don't see why I have to do something romantic so that she can forgive me. I didn't do anything that needs to be forgiven in the first place."_

_"Man, you're screwed with that attitude."_

One thing's for sure though. Once everything is finally back to normal, I will get those kisses she owes me according to our very binding contract from missing the Date Nights. If she drags this out for much longer, we're going to spend a whole evening on the couch making out.

Silver lining, I guess.

_"If I would only know why she's so upset to begin with..."_

_"Jesus Sheldon! We all told you what you did wrong! MANY times! You talked about a TV show_ _**while** _ _you were making out with Amy on your_ _**anniversary** _ _no less. As much as we all here understand your dilemma about starting to watch 'The Flash' or not, girls just don't like that."_

Leonard again, the 'man who knows how to read women'... Ha! As if he would really know anything. He's just repeating what Penny said after our anniversary date, and I think it was already established that even Penny has no idea what ticked Amy off.

_"Yeah, they're not the very understanding kind of people. Besides, you can think about whatever you want when you're kissing her, but you just have to keep your mouth shut! Everybody knows that!"_

_"Shut it Howard. Listen Sheldon, I think the real problem is that Amy believes that you rather think about committing to a fictional character than to her."_

Pfft! Horse puckey!

_"That's horse puckey! First, I'm thinking about all sorts of things simultaneously all - the - time. That's how my brilliant brain works. Secondly, I fail to see how anyone can seriously question my commitment to Amy. Does anyone really believe that_ _**I** _ _of all people would maneuver through the minefields of being in a relationship for_ _**five** _ _years just for fun?! Uhm, nooo. If I wasn't committed to Amy as much as I_ _**clearly** _ _am, she wouldn't be my girlfriend in the first place and I definitely wouldn't have that ring for her in my desk. Just an idiot doesn't see that and luckily my Amy is a genius, so there is no need_ _**whatsoever** _ _to tell her the obvious."_

So it's evident that my friends are as much at a loss as I am. I'm starting to wonder why I keep them around.

_"Sheldon?"_

_"Yes, Leonard."_

Let's see with what dimwitted 'advice' he comes up now...

_"What ring?"_

**DRAT.**

_"Uhm..."_

_"Were you planning to propose to Amy?"_

_"Uhm..."_

_"You were!"_

_"I didn't say that! I didn't even say that it's an engagement ring. It could just be a-"_

_"So it isn't an engagement ring?"_

_"Uhm..."_

_"_ _**OH - MY - GOD!** _ _The Shamy will marry! And we made it possible Howard! Oh, I'm_ _**so** _ _happy!"_

Whereas, Amy is not happy... and I'm not happy either...

Will we ever be happy again?

_"We did! I think you owe us big, Buddy, for introducing you two!"_

_"Shut it, both of you. Look at poor Sheldon. He's obviously very upset about this... Hey, if you want to cry that's totally okay. We're here for you."_

_"I'm not crying! And I'm not upset! All will be good again as soon as she realizes that she's being-"_

_"Ugh! Cut it out! This is huge Sheldon. Why didn't you tell me? Since when do you have the ring? Where did you get it? When did you decide that you want to marry her? And does Amy know about it?"_

_"No."_

_"You need to tell her! Sheldon, this is_ _**the** _ _solution for your problem. How can you not see that?!"_

_"It's not the solution for anything, Raj. And I don't want her or any of the women to know about it. So you all keep your blabbermouths shut! Am I clear?"_

_"Why? This proves without a shadow of a doubt that you are committed to her."_

_"Not this again. How can you not see that this 'commitment issue' you're making up is not our problem? I told you that Amy_ _**definitely** _ _knows how I feel about her. I proclaimed my love for her! Three times! Like a hippie! No. As long as I don't know what the reason for this break is, the ring will stay hidden in my desk."_

I have no idea why, but I don't seem to make her happy. I wouldn't want to marry someone who doesn't make me happy and I think she wouldn't either.

I'm so sad. I don't like being sad. It's sad to feel sad.

_"You're an idiot! Bernie told me that they're all at Penny's this evening. So we'll go over there and you'll tell your woman that you want to marry her and then you'll drag her into your bedroom and finally have your way with her. I_ _**promise** _ _you, she won't even remember why she was pissed at you in the first place."_

Amy in my bedroom…

Wait! What did he say about going to Penny? Why are they all standing up?

What are they doing at my desk?!

_"Hey! Put the ring back!"_

_"Aww Sheldon! It's so pretty!"_

_"Man, these are a lot of stones... Bernie's isn't so shiny... Damn Leonard, he makes the both of us look cheap."_

_"Yeah, he does... I really shouldn't have bought Penny's online."_

_"Give that to me!"_

It is a fancy ring. Only the best for my Amy. These morons here really could learn a thing or two from me. Yeah,  **I**  should give them advice and not the other way round...

Why now is the apartment door open?

They're not serious about going over to Penny, are they?

_"What are you doing out there? I told you not to-"_

OH! There's my Amy!

She looks so pretty... like always…

My heart... it's racing... and my throat is suddenly so dry... and there seems to be not enough air here...

Am I walking closer to her?

Why is she taking a step back?

A step back... 'I need to take a step back and reevaluate our situation'...

I almost forgot.

Am I allowed to talk to her? Why isn't she saying something?

The way she looks up at me... Ohhh, my stomach flips... all over again... Say something Amy! Anything!

I think everybody is looking at us... I wish they would not...

I wish I could kiss her...  **right now**... Maybe I should... It's Date Night after all... Maybe I should just grab her and take her back to my place and show her how little I care about TV... or anything else at the moment...

Please say something Amy.

This is awkward. At least the others seem to have stopped watching us. I hear Leonard and Penny talking. I don't know what, and I don't care.

I wish they would all disappear and leave me and Amy alone.

Maybe I should say something? What though? Something safe… something simple.

_"Hello Amy."_

Yes, that's a good start... I hope...

_"Hello Sheldon."_

Hmmm... I missed her voice… and her scent... I love the way she-

Wait! What's that? Oh hell no!

_"I can smell alcohol. You weren't planning on going out, were you? It's bad enough that you're disregarding my very reasonable behavioral rules during this 'break', but that's no reason to hang out in bars and whatever shady places. You're making yourself an easy target!"_

She's  **so**  pretty, all sorts of low life jerks will try to kiss my Amy! I won't allow this! She  **has**  to see that I'm right!

Oh, she comes closer… Good!

Uh oh,  **NOT**  good… I know that look… too well. It's her 'Angry Amy' face… Oh, her finger on my chest? At least she's touching me.

Oh, that's new… But I really do like being touched by Amy…

" _Sheldon… I am going to say this as calmly as I can. I will do what I want, when I want. If you think for a moment, that you can tell me what you do, you're fooling yourself. You think I would go out and get drunk and pick up some guy? Is that how little you think of me?"_

I think that some guy wants to pick YOU up!

I should say this… Or better not?

Ohhh, now she's poking me… That I really do not like… I better take a step back before she does something even more unpleasant…

" _Silent, huh? Well, there's a first. Listen up! If I go to a bar, that is my business. I am not subjecting myself to anything and if you think I am making myself a target, that is akin to saying I am asking for it. Is that what you are saying Sheldon? That I am asking for it?"_

What am I saying? I don't know! I haven't slept in a week! I should tell her that!

I better don't though. She looks downright frighteningly angry.

" _Uhm… No?"_

She doesn't look particularly happy with that answer… but at least the poking stopped.

What is she doing now? Oh, she's just picking up her stuff and… LEAVES?! Without even saying 'good bye'?! How rude! She should know that it's a non-optional social convention!

Oh well, and there she's gone… and everybody looks at me… If I would guess, I think it's pity in their faces… What do they know? ALL WILL BE FINE!

" _If you will excuse me, it's my bedtime. Good night."_

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. :)
> 
> Thank you also so much for all the reviews and your support for our story. We hope that you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Next: The aftermath of this unpleasant encounter from Amy's POV.


	5. Amy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter takes place a week after the last chapter.

It's been a week since we met in that hallway and I just cannot get it out of my head! 'Uhm…NO?'?! That's all that sexist pig can get out of his mouth? The nerve of that louse hinting that I would let some ogre have his way with me! Like I was asking for it? I need to send him an article I read on  **not**  promoting rape culture.

For a guy who can spend two hours tell me the history of the cod piece, he sure can be tight lipped on the virtue of a chaste girlfriend. What the hell does he take me for?

I need more brains!... MORE BRAINS!

That was a magical night though when we discussed the codpiece. He was so knowledgeable of all things that cover a man's penis. For the two hours we had this fascinating dialogue, I wonder if he noticed how much I blushed as I thought about how big  **his**  codpiece would be.

Ugh! No more about codpieces and their various sizes! I am outraged! I have to remember that I am mad! Really, very mad!

Still… He thought a man would be interested in me. Interesting…

Where's my intern with the brains?! I need more br-

Finally! There he is. It's about time! I had ordered these brains a day ago!

" _Um…Doctor Fowler, here are the twenty-five tubs of brains you ordered from the UCLA cadaver lab. Whatcha need all these brains for anyhow?"_

" _The door says Neurobiology, right? That means_ _ **brains**_ _, Pal!"_

No wonder Sheldon can't teach these morons. Wait a minute! They screwed up my order!

" _Twenty-five tubs? I ordered fifty!"_

Oh God, don't give me that scared look, just answer me!

Hm. He seems really frightened… Why is he looking at me like that?

Oh crap! Maybe I should put down the scalpel.

Now he's gulping. Why? Why can I not just get my brains? It would really make my day if I could at least find  **one**  tumor to examine…

" _I'm sorry Dr. Fowler. There aren't that many dead people anymore. You got them all!"_

" _I can't wait! Get me more!"_

Now, why is he's backing up? I made a simple request that even a moron can understand, didn't I?

" _What? Like personally? Like with an ax?"_

Boy would I like cut up his brain right now… Ugh…

" _NO! Call UC Santa Barbara or San Luis Obispo. With all the ocean bunnies and surfer dudes, there is bound to be some drugged up hippies who smoked too much weed and drove off of Highway 1. NOW LEAVE!"_

Oh, that splitting headache is coming back. Ugh, rubbing my temples doesn't help at all. I know what I need besides more brains. More sleep! Thirteen hours is just  **not**  enough. I don't care what that website said!

This intern is as useless as the one before. Why does the department send me these stupid assistants? Idiots. I am so sick of vacant minded people. They all think the same… talk the same.

It's like a cult of stupid containing the masses of mindless imps who want to know what some celebrity is wearing, what's her name is doing, or whom she is dating. Only stupid people care about that drivel. I never did.

At least the intern scurried off and I can get back to what matters! I just need to concentrate. I only need to… what was I doing? Oh yeah… tumors…

Speaking of what someone is doing, I wonder what he is doing today. It's only 4:30, so he should be leaving soon. If I want to check on him, I better leave now. These brains will keep for a brief moment. I just want a second for a peek. I just need my daily dose of Sheldon…

Oh my, I feel like a teenager at home past curfew skulking through these hallways. Not that I ever had to do it during high school, but I pretended often enough.

It didn't matter after Prom last October that I did end up coming home at a normal hour. But then I snuck in after midnight just to know what it felt like anyway.

Oh, I'm so nervous. I hope no one sees me.

That night of Prom was  **so**  wonderful… another magical night…

Oh God, here is already his office. - His door is open just a hair. Good. I have to be careful that he doesn't see me. I still haven't started with reevaluating anything. How could I? I spent my days cutting brains and sleeping…

There he is, my Sweet Baboo! I mean, Sheldon… I mean, the chauvinistic moron! I am still mad at him, I am! But oh just look how he is looking at his white board. What is he-

What the devil are all those numbers? No formulas, just numbers? Huh?

Anyway, he just looks so handsome when he is thinking, but he's  **always**  thinking. Look how he concentrates and is just so focused. God, I could focus on him for hours. I simply love watching his mind work.  **Nothing**  is sexier.

I know I need to get back to my lab and stay the course, but just a moment more. One more won't hurt...

Crap, he almost turned.

Okay… okay… time to breathe.

Oh where the hell is the oxygen!?

Now! I have to leave  **right now**! Thank goodness I don't wear noisy shoes.

I need to get back to my lab. Fast! I need to cut up another brain! NOW! Like  **right**  now! One more before I leave…then I can sleep…

Oh yes, there you are pretty brain… Let's see if you'll make me happy…

Damn it, no tumor! Well, off the junk pile you go.

I go through these brains, day in and day out, and they all look the same. Nothing different or special.

So Sheldon thinks I am one of these idiots, huh? He thinks I am ruled by my hind brain, like I am slave to my hypothalamus. I am no one's bitch, Doctor Sheldon Cooper PhD, ScD.  **I** control my hypothalamus!

God, now I am using profanity.  I need to quit watching _Breaking Bad_.

No physical contact! That's what I told him at the coffee shop. I  **didn't**  say I wanted to jump his bones! No! Why would he think I was that kind of girl?

He knows me, right? I have never pushed him for sex. More intimacy, yes, but  **not**  sex. He knows I want it, but that is different than asking for it.

Or is it?

Of course it is… I think.

Whatever, he should know me by now and understand what I am trying to say without me having to explain  **every**  little thing! He's seen my brain scan… the most intimate place on my body!

I have a huge frontal lobe and he knows it! Not like this poor slob here. Off the pile with you, too, Pal. Sorry.

Sheldon even commented on ALL my large lobes when we got brain scans for a Date Night.  That costs a pretty penny, but it was worth it. I had to hold his hand while he was in the MRI machine…

That was another magical night. We've had some great Date Nights.

Oh my God! Sheldon had given me a compliment! A compliment? From Sheldon?! I didn't think of it at the time, but he  **was**  complimenting me! Okay, I have to give him that.

Of course I was gushing over his striking striatum, and a fine one it was! It was on fire that night, and almost lit up his whole cerebral cortex. I know he said he loved me, but that scan, in a way proved it.

It's funny, really.

I know the striatum lights up when one shows love, but that is usually done by conditioning of sexual arousal. It's the same area of the brain as drug addiction. I know  **he**  is  **my**  addiction, but how could his striatum be lighting up without the necessary step of the conditioning?

I guess he formed his habit of love for me by some other means.

I've certainly had regular conditioning of my reward centers every time I look at him. My loins are burning when he sneaks a side glance at me from his blue eyes.

Oh, and that memory of his! My uterus is quivering just thinking of it. He certainly pontificated into my heart, that's for sure. Or is it my brain?

I should get another one. Brain, that is, not heart. I gave that away long ago, to him, despite my better judgment.

That day, in the coffee shop, did I know it would one day hurt like this? Was I so sure that I would be feeling this pain that somehow I knew to keep away from him, and only be friends? Was my brain telling me to protect my heart? Did I know it would hurt like this?

Of course not, but if I did, would I have given him my number? Would I have written him back that whole summer, sharing my dry cleaning puns and observations of the genetic superiority that we share? I think not. Hindsight I guess.

Oh but what I would have missed. No one excites me like he does. No one else has shattered my wall and broke through my armor with just one look.

I know that he stole his own looks at me that day in the coffee shop as we waited for my tepid water. I didn't want to stare, but his eyes were on me in short bursts like lasers. I stole what glances I could, but I felt like a voyeur watching him. I just needed one more look, but each one I stole, made me crave another like one does chocolate or a drug.

That is when the habit started. I should know addiction by now.

I wonder if he guessed why I went into studying addiction and asked for that new grant. I had to get over my addiction to him, but it was too late as my cerebral cortex was already hard wired. This break with him is like quitting heroin. I get the shakes, just like an addict. I need a fix, except instead of a powerful opioid, I need just one trip to the physics department at the end of the day.

Still, the way Sheldon reacted to my need for time and space was  **completely**  unreasonable!  **I**  gave him time when he went on his silly train trip of self-discovery! At least  **I**  called before I asked for time.

Oh wait… He called me… I didn't call him. Oh damn.

Still!  **I**  told him face to face!... Skype counts as face to face, right?

God, I can't even back  **myself**  up!

" _No, Amy, he shouldn't have sent that stupid 'On Hold Agreement'!"_

" _Thank you Amy!"_

God, now I'm even talking to myself. I need more sleep…

He probably thinks I'm just one of the grunting masses looking for a quick fix to my endocrine system at the end of some other guy's mouth, or worse!

How dare he think I would allow some other man to touch me? Maybe I should… No! Then I would be no better than this pitiful creature I am holding here. Just looking for an easy way to pander their raging endocrine system, instead of being with your soulmate in the ultimate form of love's sweet expression!

Oh, dear. Now I need to stop the romantic movies. Netflix will be the death of me.

" _Look at you, little brain. So gray and small. What did you want when you were firing off neurons like the Fourth of July, or were you too stupid to know what day the Fourth of July was?... You will be the last one for today… Open sesame…yes! I'm in… Sooo, what life did you possibly have? Did you have a family or want one? Did your significant other shun you for years or were you too stupid to notice? Did you want him to love you, show you a shred of affection, or maybe hope that you would be married some day?... Well, I hate to break this to you, but then you're an idiot… Oh look, I found a tumor near your parietal lobe. Okay… you had an excuse."_

Sheldon did show me affection, though, especially this year. Our Date Night kisses have been wonderful… Hmmm… Kissing on the couch… Oh my stars! I  **still**  can feel his soft lips on mine.

Oh, how I miss them.

Two Date Nights we've missed. Two of those fabulous 30 seconds that take me a day from which to recover.

Oh God, he is such a good kisser. So gentle, yet with enough force to take me down. Down I would go too, even on my knees for just one of those kisses right now.

Maybe I should go back to his office and just kiss him.

No! I am mad at him and he does  **not**  deserve to be kissed! He would think about some stupid superhero or whatnot anyway!

Goodness, I just want to sleep right now. I really cannot get enough sleep lately.

When I lie down and close my eyes, he holds me as I drift off to slumber.

When I'm in my REM cycle, he visits my bed, curls up with me, and holds me all night. He gives me soft tender kisses on my neck, just below my hair line as he tightens his grip around my waist. It's perfection. Not sex, not endocrine jockey riding like a bunch of horny monkeys, but just being together.

I squeeze the life out of every minute I can hold onto the dream before the horrifying beep of the alarm pulls me out of my bliss. When I regain consciousness, I realize that my companion during the night is not the man I love, but the very pillow I cried in the night before.

I just want to go back to sleep, and feel him again.

Okay, it's 7:30 and is really enough for today. I've cut up 35 brains in nine hours, averaging 3.88 brains per hour.

Yes, I can do math that doesn't involve frogs, Mister Dismissive Boyfriend.

Boyfriend? Is he even still my boyfriend? It's been a week since I spoke to him, just watching him standing in that hallway.

He has been good about not calling me, or email me, or texting me… Has he already forgotten about me?! Oh 'excuse me'! I  **know**  he doesn't forget anything! But still, it is strange that he kept so quiet… but Penny sure hasn't in the last few days. Hm, now that I think about it, she texts me twice every day, -like clockwork at the same time. She is as OCD as Sheldon was about it.

Funny. Her texts come at the  **exact**  same times Sheldon's used to. I always expected them, like Pavlov's little pooch waiting for a treat.

I am so weak…

Anyhow. How can Penny be texting me at 10:15 and 3:45 every day? It seems so… so…

Wait a damn minute!? That was not Penny! That must have been Sheldon using Penny's phone!

That rat bastard!

I am so stupid! How could I have not realized this? I should have known it was him when _'Penny'_ asked me if I was enjoying the cirrocumulus lacunosus clouds and made some Harry Potter reference since that name means full of hollows!

That at least explains all the questions about Sheldon and how I feel about him and for how long I plan to keep this break going… She, well  **'she'**  really annoyed me with this and I even accused 'her' of being a cheerleader for Sheldon, when she really should be comforting me. That's what BFFs are for, aren't they?! It is kind of relieving that it wasn't Penny after all, now that I think about it. I know she has known Sheldon longer than I, but still. It hurt when I thought that she would pick his side. That is why I didn't call her the whole week. I should have, and then I would have known sooner what the rat bastard was up to. I haven't spoken with ANY of the gang since I left the apartment a week ago. At least they are giving me space, unlike Sheldon!

How unbelievably impertinent of him to do such a thing. He isn't respecting my wish for some time at all! He isn't respecting  **me**  at all! I am  **so**  going to give him a Deadly Hollow!

How though?

Oh yes, of course. I'm going to text _'Penny'_ right now! I'll fix him! He thinks I am a slave to my baser urges? So be it then! Jerk!

" _Hey Girlfriend Penny, How's it hangin' Can I get a What what?"_

" _What?"_

" _Look I think we should get completely blotto tonight and find some random guys for coitus."_

I can practically see his scandalized face just by reading the word 'coitus'…

" _Do you REALLY want to do that?"_

Pfft! Of course not! When have I EVER said I wanted to do that? I just wanted to hang out with my girls and have fun. Boys always harsh the buzz, but Sheldon doesn't know I feel that way, though. Hmmm. What would be the worst thing I could think of... Ah, yes.

" _Maybe we can just find one guy, and split him? Whatcha think, girlfriend? Sheldon would never know…"_

What do you think of that!

Wow, that was a quick response, 'Penny'.

" _I thought you loved Sheldon._ _Amy, are you sure? Sheldon loves you and we both know that any other man for coitus would pale in comparison to him."_

I can't believe he thinks he can pass as Penny! My Bestie doesn't say 'coitus', Genius!

Damn him though. He's right. I would  **never**  be happy with ANY man but him. Just that kiss on the couch… Hoo! … His one hand on my thigh and his other on my back… I felt his thumbs drawing little circles… It was  **so**  hot! This kiss has given me erotic dreams every night. My Sweet Baboo does  **nothing**  half way.

If we ever did have coitus, probably sometime in the year 2034, I'm sure it will be a magical night to tell my girls at the retirement home…

Wait! I shouldn't reminisce about the most spectacular kiss of my life, when I am really angry with him!

Oh, you think you're so clever, my boy. I wish I could see his face as he's reading my texts. Who am I kidding? He wouldn't even care. As long as I keep ours a relationship of the mind… I should say that!

" _I do, but I would never want to put him through something he would hate. I have physical needs that are bubbling to the surface of my over active loins! I think I just need to find some random guy to fulfill me sexually and then have a relationship of the mind with Sheldon! He will love it! I should tell him! He would think it is a wonderful idea, don't you think... Penny?"_

He's probably doing his happy dance right now, and relieved to be off the hook to have physical contact with me.

_"I'm sure he would NOT love this. He would most definitely think that it's a BAD idea. Like really REALLY BAD!"_

Huh? Why wouldn't he love this?

_"PS : Why do you think that Sheldon would hate to fulfill your physical needs?"_

He has the nerve to ask me that? He has the nerve to wonder why I question that he would hate to fulfill ANY need of mine, let alone any kind of intimacy?! That clueless chowder head!

" _It's been five years and while he was kissing me, he thought of a TV Show. Not how I felt, or what he felt. He didn't think, God I want to do this more, or why did I wait so long. He didn't think, I wonder if she is enjoying this as much as I am. Or even, what might we do next. Not only on that couch, but with our lives together."_

I need to take a breath. This  **is**  Sheldon, I am speaking to,  **not**  Penny.

" _No, he thought: Should I watch a show? Because if kissing me wasn't enticing enough to keep his undivided attention. Either I wasn't enough for him or he never wanted it."_

I shouldn't have to explain this. Why should I explain this? Why doesn't he know? Why?

Don't cry… Not yet.

_"How do you know all that? Did he ever SAY ANYTHING of what you are assuming here? Yes, he mentioned a TV show, but that didn't mean that anything of what you said here would be true."_

How do I know that? Experience, Pal.  **Five**  years hard labor at the yoke of being Sheldon's arms length girlfriend.

I have enough of this. It's time for the big reveal now.

_"I know it's you Sheldon! I know you never found me attractive and that you never wanted more than at relationship of the mind. I should just give that to you. I don't need coitus Sheldon. I wanted it with you, but I didn't need it as much as you thought I did. Don't steal anyone else's phone."_

I hope he learned his lesson and leaves me alon-

Oh no, another text. He really  **never**  knows when it's best to shut up! I shouldn't read it. What can he say anyway?

_"_ _What else was I supposed to do when you refuse to talk to me? Please, can we meet? Or just talk? Will you PLEASE call me?"_

He wants me to call him. I might when I am good and ready, Pal.

TEXTS BLOCKED! I should file a restraining order for his collection so he can frame it next to Stan Lee's and Leonard Nimoy's.

I should have known better. I thought she sounded a little too smart, but I just chalked it up to her talking to Leonard again. I'm such a fool.

It was pretty sneaky though stealing Penny's phone. He's a clever boy, I've got to give him that.

Wait, what did he mean, _'did he say anything of what you are assuming'_?

I asked him what he was thinking that night. Was he thinking of me? Of course not. He said, he wanted to know if I thought he should watch _'The Flash'_.

Nothing about how you felt about me or our first make out session. Our  **first**  make out session in  **five**  years! Penny said you called it 'foreplay'. You must be the foreplay king for it to take this long.

**(RING)**

Oh damn it, a call! It better not be him.

Oh that little pedantic pest! My foot it's 'Penny'! I should have blocked calls too!

" _Listen up you little weasel and listen good. I am only going to say this one more time. I don't understand why it is so hard for you to get it through your thick skull that I said I need time to think! Stealing Penny's phone and texting me all week!? That crosses the line! How hard was it to dumb down all your texts to Penny level, huh?"_

" _Amy? This is Penny."_

" _Oh sorry Girlfriend."_

Crap! I need to save face NOW!  _"I was just…oh hell… I take it you found your phone?"_

I hope she is in a forgiving mood.

" _Yes, that complete ass! I've been nuts looking for this thing! I hope the bruise on his arms doesn't heal!"_

" _You_ _ **hit**_ _him?"_ I would have loved to have seen that!

" _I sure did. At least I didn't hit him in his smug face. Although I have to say, he looked a lot less smug than usual. I read through your texts with him over the week. How could you possible think I would know anything about… I can't even pronounce this. What is that, some kinda brain disease?"_

" _It's a cloud. I thought you were watching the Weather Channel. I don't know…channel surfing?"_

Phew, she doesn't sound mad I said he dumb down the texts.

" _I think you miss him, that's what I think. But you didn't have half bad idea here, going out…"_

What did she say? She read my texts and thinks it's a good idea? Oh boy, I better let her down easy. No one is getting the Fowler love. Not even Penny!

" _Penny! As much as I admire your alabaster skin, there is no way I could have coitus with you and some random stranger. I really think I am over my lesbian curiosity phase. Thank you for the offer of coitus."_

Only offer I got, maybe I  **should**  consider it? Oh no, if I am considering  **this** , maybe I need to find that number for that lab in Santa Monica again. All I can say is 128 times was  **not**  enough.

" _NO! Not coitus! I wish you two would quit saying that word, its sounds so… clinical.  It's like what a doctor says… Eww! Coitus sounds like what you get AFTER sex! Yuck!"_

" _Anyway, what's your idea?"_

" _Let's go out, you, me and Bernie! Let's go to that club we went to, you know the one with the great Cranberry Martinis?"_

" _The one that we went to the night we went dancing with Sheldon?"_

Oh God, that was the night I kissed him. I would give one hundred of these brains to remember that night. Anywhere but there!

However, if I can stand to go back to that place and not have my heart shatter into a thousand pieces, maybe I can handle this inevitable break up with Sheldon.

" _Okay… but in a week or so, okay. I am so tired this week."_

" _NO! Tomorrow night! And don't flake out on me!"_

Maybe she's right. We should go out and have some fun. Especially since Sheldon 'forbade' it. Jerk!

" _Fine! And watch your phone, Penny!"_

" _Oh, believe me. I will!"_

Going out will be fun. I really liked that place. I wonder why? It was kind of loud and those drinks were way too strong. Those bar stools were uncomfortable and I hated the techno music. So repetitive, every sixteenth beat change.

Why did I have such a good time that night? The place we had the cigars the week before was so much better.

I get it…  **He**  was there. I couldn't believe he came out with us that night. We danced and he held my waist and twirled me around. Oh how I loved that.

He was smiling and even seemed like he enjoyed himself. I don't remember much more after that. I wish we could go dancing again. He was so good at it.

I remember that he got me home that night and I gave him a Yoo Hoo. Ricky was with me then… That little ass, I miss him.

Oh but the dancing. If only he would dance with me again.

There you go again, Fowler. You're hoping for something he doesn't want. He doesn't like dancing, but you made him go. Well, Bernie did, but still, he said he thought he was in hell.

I just wanted a boyfriend who would take me dancing. I always wanted from him what he was unwilling to give. Maybe I want one of these normal brains after all?

Who am I kidding, I couldn't do normal… I've never had a hint of that. NEVER.

Okay, that is enough for the day. I had Thai on Monday, so I think I will grab some pizza and head home… It's Pizza Night, after all.

Damn it! I can't even eat without thinking of him. I think I'll skip dinner again tonight. Or maybe I should just grab some of these brains and make some Hirnsuppe.

No, even I know brain soup is gross and might fall under Sheldon's _'Zombie Clause'_ of the Relationship Agreement.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for your support and constant reviews. The three of us just love it and hope you love the story! Thanks again so much!


	6. Sheldon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place at the same time as the last one.

Ahhh, how I love my spot.  It is indeed the most comfortable place in the world.

Although, I probably should try to sleep.  It's only 7 PM now, but I am so tired.  No, tired doesn't even begin to describe how drained I feel.

I'm awake for most of the nights and nothing is helping.  I recited _Pi_ to a thousand places over and over again, replayed the new _Avengers_ movie from the first to the last second in my head, and even counted way too many sheep like simple people do.

Why the heck counting an animal whose coat is sheared for warmth and eat grass is supposed to make me enter REM sleep is beyond me.  It’s stupid.

I have even ranked all sorts of things, like my favorite elements, my favorite star constellations, and my favorite moments with Amy.

Admittedly, the last was a bad idea, because it somehow upset me greatly, which is strange because usually I feel very uplifted when I think about Amy.

Then again, she’s not giving me much reason lately to feel uplifted.  This asinine 'break' is going on for two weeks now and there is no sign that it will end soon.  We have missed two Date Nights now.

No Date Night kisses for me in two weeks!  It's unnerving.  Doesn't she miss kissing me?  Doesn't she miss me… even a little bit?

How much more time will she need to reevaluate our situation?  I still don't know what's going on.  Penny was no help the other day as all she did was repeat what the others told me.

_‘Commitment issues’_

What a load of malarkey, indeed.  Besides, like she has any room to talk.  I’ll probably have several Nobel Prizes before those two commit to a legal pair-bond.

The only thing useful I got from Penny was her phone.  She really should be more careful with her things and not leave them out in the open.  There are thieves among us taking advantage of such carelessness.

I mean, I did not steal it of course.  I'm no thief... not like Amy, who unashamedly stole my heart...

Geez!  Even in my head I sound like a hippie now!

Anyhow, Penny just lost it... sort of... and I found it... in a way... in her purse... in her apartment...

I will give it back to her of course... probably... maybe...

That depends on Amy really.  What else was I supposed to do when she's still screening my calls?  I had no other choice!  Desperate times require desperate measures, right?

Even though I have to dumb down to the extreme, at least I am communicating with Amy.  Although, I have to say I'm a little disappointed in the lack of information I got out of her in regards to our 'situation'.  I just asked a few times if she still loves me and how long this break will last, but apparently she doesn't even want to share this information with her Bestie. No wonder Penny is at a loss as much as I am. 

What did Amy mean though with her comment that Penny would be a _'Team Sheldon cheerleader_ '? 

I don't have a team.  I don't do sports.

I truly wish she would just speak to me.  I don’t want to die without having spoken to her at least once again, since it is obvious by now that I will die very soon.

It’s not only that I can't sleep at all.  Why I was so accepting of the idiotic theory that the reason for being unable to sleep soundly would be Amy's reluctance to see how silly this break is, is completely beyond me.  How could I have ignored all the other troubling symptoms!?

I’ve lost my appetite altogether.  Everything tastes stale and after I force myself to swallow down a bit, I feel so sick that I could throw up.  The doctor said there’s nothing physically wrong with me, not even a gastric ulcer, but I don’t believe him.  The troglodyte just took my co-pay and sent me on my way.

He somehow involved all the other doctors in this conspiracy as they said the same thing.  It’s as clear as crystal that I have a tumor in my brain.  Why else would I have this constant splitting headache?

Well at least I’ll make her happy when I’m dead.  Finally she can cut up my brain and have a look at my striatum she loves so much...

Oh what a magical Date Night it was when we got our brains scanned.  She has such a large frontal lobe... hmmm, so enticing...

Ugh!  There it is again!  Something is obviously wrong with my heart as well!

I know it makes funny beats whenever I'm with Amy, so I am used to the jumping and racing heartbeat by now.  I know that it's because I enjoy her company so much... and the kissing.

Yet, she is not here right now, and my heart rhythm is off its normal 76 beats per minute and I am obviously demonstrating symptoms that this vital organ is not functioning sufficiently.  Improper blood flow could affect my genius!  The world of physics will suffer if this is not corrected soon.

That the cardiologist didn’t see this anomaly on my EKG is utterly unnerving.

When I will die, probably any second now, it will be all Leonard's fault.  Why couldn’t he just keep his blabbermouth shut and had to tell every doctor we went to that I'm having _'girlfriend problems'_?  Naturally these dimwitted charlatans waived my suffering to be the result of 'emotional stress'.

Please, there's nothing I can't do better than to control my emotions. Morons!

I really wish I wouldn’t have done the ranking of the _'Best Amy Moments'._   Damn my _'pathological need for closure'_!

Anyway, there are so many, it felt like forever until I got to the best one, which was of course the day I met her.  Since then I can’t stop thinking about it.

I remember everything from that day.

I remember the colorful cardigan she wore and how I thought that this is finally a woman with taste, unlike most of her gender.  Her hair was shorter as it is now and I found myself liking that she's a brunette and not a blonde.  I wondered for a moment why I even care about her hair color. 

I can still smell her scent.  No perfume or something I think, but intoxicating all the same.

I remember how I thought of _‘The Green Lantern’_ when I looked into her eyes for the first time and how much I liked that.  They are really the perfect hue of from the color spectrum. 

How I found the tone of her voice so very pleasant.  It was the most enchanting sound I had ever heard, except for her delightful laughter as we made fun of Howard sitting at the next table with Raj. I enjoyed her humor so much, the perfect blend of wit and sophistication.  How it thrilled me when I could make her laugh with one of my quips.

I know every word she said by heart.  How dumbstruck I was when I realized she's as smart as I am and how every brilliant remark left me almost breathless. 

I remember every move she made.  How I watched her fingers when she told me about how fun it is to dissect brains looking for tumors.  How a drop of water lingered on her lower lip before she licked it away with the tip of her tongue.

I remember like it was yesterday how my heart made a tiny, almost unnoticeable, jump when she agreed to give me her number so that I could contact her again.

I wondered for the longest time what that meant.  I even went to a cardiologist back then as well.  Three times, but they didn't find anything though.  Seriously, this area has multiple world renowned medical systems and out of all I can’t find any competent doctors?!

Either way, sometimes I wish I could turn back time to that day.  I should have searched my apartment from the bottom to the top for that dirty sock instead of letting my supposed friends blackmail me into meeting her.  They said she was _'scientifically chosen to be my perfect mate'._   I knew I was right when I told Raj and Howard that matchmaking is complete hokum.

Oh well, and now here I am suffering from an undetected disease all alone, while she seems to do just great without me.

Seeing her earlier today again was nice though. Of course, how I ended up in front of her lab once more is another thing to worry about.  I apparently lost conscious control about my own movements.  All I wanted was a tea to help with my lack of focus.  I clearly remember leaving my office to go to the cafeteria, but before I knew it, I found myself in the Neuroscience department. Just like the days before.  I didn’t even care that I must have looked like a peeper, standing there staring at her through the open door, hiding behind the doorframe...

She looked so busy and concentrated cutting whatever yucky thing she was dissecting at that moment… brains I think.

Now that I think about it, there were a lot of those lying around.

What was a bit strange though was that she seemed to talk to the brains.  I couldn't hear her properly but I think she asked them something about the Fourth of July...

Curious... maybe she's gone nuts after all.  That would really explain her unreasonable behavior lately.

My poor Amy... she’s sick too.  Wouldn’t it much nicer if we could be sick together?

Anyway, I just stood there for…  I don’t even know.  It could have been five minutes or five hours…

I think they’re going to fire me soon.  I am really of no use at work.  I do try to get something meaningful done, but I just can’t find concentration, no doubt due to the brain tumor eating all my brilliance away.  So sad that the human race has to survive without my genius.  Without me it will perish, that’s for sure.

I wish I could at least figure out this dilemma I am having with Amy before I die.  I should give it another try tomorrow.  Everything can be explained with mathematics after all.  The chart I made today on my white board with all the significant dates of our relationship didn’t help though to bring order into this mess.

What's even worse is what happened three days ago.  I tried to read an interesting article about an experiment they conducted in Europe.  I have read it not once, not twice but thrice and afterwards I was still not sure what it was about.  I'm probably losing IQ points by the minute!

**(DING)**

Oh, I got a text… Oh yay!  It’s from Amy!

_“Hey Girlfriend Penny, How’s it hangin’ Can I get a What what?”_

Huh?

**_“What?”_ **

Okay, I need to go into _‘Penny mode’_ :.  I’m not a genius.  I don’t know the difference between a boson and a fermion.  I didn’t even make it at community college…

Ugh, probably just a few more days and I won’t have to dumb down anyway.

_“Look I think we should get completely blotto tonight and find some random guys for coitus.”_

WHAT THE- WHAAAT?!  

She cannot be serious!  It’s probably girl code for something…right?  Better be sure though.

_“ **Do you REALLY want to do that?”**_

_“Maybe we can just find one guy, and split him?  Whatcha think, girlfriend?  Sheldon would never know…”_

Oh God, oh God, oh God!  She doesn’t love me anymore.  She doesn’t love me anymore!

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry…

Yes, I need to calm down.  Maybe it’s still part of the code?  I mean ‘split’ a guy?  How would that work?  Wouldn’t he be dead cut in half?  That would be just messy and gross. 

All that body fluid… yuck.

Maybe she just wants his brain since she seems to be obsessed with them.  Yes, maybe she needs more brains and used 'coitus' as a trick to lure Penny in to help her killing the man to get his.

That would be so much better than the idea that she would want to have intercourse with someone else.

More to the point, shouldn’t she know that any other man would be a sad consolation prize in comparison to me...brain and sex wise?

_**“I thought you loved Sheldon. Amy, are you sure?  Sheldon loves you and we both know that any other man for coitus would pale in comparison to him.”** _

She said on Skype she would still love me.  Did that change in the last two weeks? 

Oh God, I feel so sick suddenly! 

Of course I have a gastric ulcer!  Am I not showing the most common symptoms?  Poor appetite, nausea and this horrendous abdominal pain, that I feel right now.  How I got infected with the Helicobacter pylori bacteria is incomprehensible.  I am always so careful with what and whom I touch.  No one is as cautious as I am with germs!  NO ONE!  Yet somehow this infernal microorganism found a way to colonize my antral mucosa.  It is outrageous!  That the incapable ‘doctor’ refused to perform a gastroscopy or let me at least swallow barium to diagnose this deadly disease is scandalous!  What’s taking Amy so long to answer?  I asked a simple question, didn’t I?!

Oh, she already did…  Is something’s wrong with my ears too?  Probably.

_“I do, but I would never want to put him through something he would hate. I have physical needs that are bubbling to the surface of my over active loins!  I think I just need to find some random guy to fulfill me sexually and then have a relationship of the mind with Sheldon!  He will love it! I should tell him!  He would think it is a wonderful idea, don’t you think.... Penny?”_

NO ONE IS FULFILLING ANYTHING EXCEPT ME!

ME! ME! ME!

Oh right. I am still Penny… but I’m also Sheldon’s friend and I don’t want to have Amy giving it away to some stranger.  No, no, no.

_**"I'm sure he would NOT love this. He would most definitely think that it’s a BAD idea. Like really REALLY BAD!"** _

I wonder though, why she would possibly think, that I would ‘love’ this idea.  Ugh, why is all she says and does lately completely inexplicable?  It’s like logic defied her altogether.

_**"PS : Why do you think that Sheldon would hate to fulfill your physical needs?"** _

Now that I think about it, isn't she worried about me meeting some random woman to fulfill my needs?  Doesn't she care about that at all?  I mean, I do have needs... thanks solely to her.

I have found out lately though, that I also have options.  Just yesterday one of my students came up and asked if I would like to discuss the findings of this simulation that was conducted by theoretical physicists from the University of the Basque Country.

Now I even have to let ordinary students explain me things.  How humiliating!

At least I know now what this article was about.  The experiment explains the collision between two clusters of galaxies.  It's really intriguing because rare, extreme examples of clusters caught in the act of colliding seem to be challenging the up until now accepted view that dark matter is made up of heavy particles.

That's significant indeed and I would have loved to talk about this and I almost agreed to go to her place but for the fact that Raj dragged me away from her.  He said that she was 'obviously' flirting with me and that the invitation was clearly a ruse to _'get into my pants'_.  I totally missed that.

Just the thought of anybody else but Amy trying to get into my pants stresses me out.

Ah, finally her answer.

_“It’s been five years and while he was kissing me, he thought of a TV Show. Not how I felt, or what he felt.  He didn’t think, God I want to do this more, or why did I wait so long.  He didn't think, I wonder if she is enjoying this as much as I am. Or even, what might we do next. Not only on that couch, but with our lives together. No, he thought.  Should I watch a show?  Because if kissing me wasn't enticing enough to keep his undivided attention. Either I wasn't enough for him or he never wanted it."_

HUH?!

I knew it.  My poor Amy is totally confused.  She thinks she can read my mind!  If she could, she would know that I did think that I really shouldn’t have waited so long for making out with her.  Not to mention that I did think about what we might do next.  MORE KISSING!

But she didn’t let me kiss her, so how come that it's my fault?!  Also, I for one know perfectly well what to do next with our lives.  That is way I have the fancy ring in my desk.  The question is, does she?  I should ask her! 

No, wait! I am still Penny, and Penny doesn’t know what I thought about on our anniversary and thanks to my very persuasive arguments, I know that Penny doesn't know about the ring as well.  Really, if I find out that any of the guys told them about it, I will tell the women everything I know about what their men ever did or said about them.  I just love my eidetic memory.

Anyhow, where was I?  Ah, yes.

_**"How do you know all that? Did he ever SAY ANYTHING of what you are assuming here? Yes, he mentioned a TV show, but that didn’t mean that anything of what you said here would be true."** _

She really couldn’t be more wrong with her assumptions…I wonder how she got all these ideas in her head.

_"I know it’s you Sheldon! I know you never found me attractive and that you never wanted more than at relationship of the mind. I should just give that to you. I don’t need coitus Sheldon.  I wanted it with you, but I didn’t need it as much as you thought I did.  Don’t steal anyone else's phone."_

Dang it!

_**"What else was I supposed to do when you refuse to talk to me? Please, can we meet? Or just talk? Will you PLEASE call me?"** _

She isn’t answering.  She must have switched off her phone.  Drat!

I never found her attractive?  That’s ridiculous!  

Obviously I noticed that she's the prettiest woman on the planet.  I may have many shortcomings, or so people say, but I'm not blind!

What does it matter anyway?  We are above these shallow things.

Not to mention that I most certainly wouldn't exchange saliva with her if I wouldn't find her hot as hell-

_‘Hot as hell?’_   I spend too much time with the guys.  It's true, though!  I tried as hard as I could to raise myself above the constraints of the human existence, but only a dead man would be able to resist such a remarkable IQ combined with all her female attributes that are just a delight to look at!

And I’m not dead…

Also, if I really just wanted a relationship of the mind, then we would have one.  She must know that!  Why isn’t she?

All right, now that she's figured it out, I should give Penny her phone back.

_"Penny."_

Will knocking only once...

_"Penny."_

... ever be enough?

_"Penny."_

_"Hey Shel- Geez, you look like shit!"_

Of course I do.  I am a dying man after all.  She doesn't look much better with dark circles under her eyes.

_"You too."_

_"Well, 'thank you'. What's up?"_

_"Here. I found your phone."_

_"Oh great! Where was it?"_

Son of a biscuit!  I didn't think of a believable cover story.  Man, and I'm usually so good at it!  If Leonard would have stuck to it, no one would know to this day that he hooked up with Priya behind Raj's back.

_"Uhm..."_

_"I was looking for it for days in mine and your apartment. I almost bought a new one.  Where did you find it?"_

_"Uhm..."_

What's she doing? Oh no! She's going through the texts!

_"Oh Penny, no need to read-"_

_"What's that? I didn't text with Amy this week..."_

Why, oh why didn’t I delete the messages before returning her phone?  Oh my, the tumor is progressing much faster than I thought!  Ugh, I just want to cry and bewail my sad fate…

_"Wait a second..."_

Uh oh, I’m so firmly attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis.

_"I have to go! Bye!"_

Ow, she's gripping my arm too tightly!

_"Stop you ass! You used my phone to text Amy and on top of it you pretended to be me!"_

DANGER!  She’s going to hit me!

_"OUCH! My arm! That hurt!"_

Ow, ow, ow...  I will have a bruise from that for weeks!

_"How could you?! I'm telling you, you are not making things better with her when you pull crap like this!"_

_"But she isn't talking to me! What else-"_

_"JUST - SUCK - IT - UP!  You messed up and now she needs time. I told you that OVER AND OVER AGAIN!"_

Ugh, this again...

_"Penny, over and over again I’ve told you that you're wrong! I didn't mess up anything and she-"_

_"It's hopeless. Sheldon, I don't have the time or the strength to go over this again with you. I am meeting with Leonard later and that will be exhausting enough."_

_"Hey! I can walk on my own, no need to shove me!"_

_"Bye. Now leave Amy alone!"_

Ouch!  The slamming of her door hurt in my ears.  Oh good Lord, I knew it!  Now I'm going deaf as well!  I need to make another doctor's appointment immediately!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! QBMaja here. Thanks so much for reading and for the reviews.
> 
> Will they EVER speak again? Who knows, but what we know is what's next: Another Girls Night and Sheldon and Leonard on a mission... Stay tuned!


	7. Amy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place the next evening after the last.

**In Apartment 4B**

I want to go out as much as I want a root canal. Why did I let Penny convince me? It did sound like a good idea yesterday, but today… I just want to go home again and sleep… Today was a waste in the lab. No tumor. Not even a tiny one!

Ugh, this dress is too short! When I sit down, it rides up to my knees! Mother always said that only whores wear their dresses above the knee. It's probably why she never let me shave past them.

Maybe she was right, look at this thing! Is this Bernie's dress? It's the only excuse I can come up with why it's so short. Can this get any tighter? Now I know what a sausage feels like before going into casing.

At least the dress matches my yellow heels. It really is my color…

Why do I have to dress up anyway!? Why did I let Penny talk me into going out in this dress? I am wearing a cardigan, so she can just stifle it. I should have told her that when she handed me this shocking piece of clothing, but who can say no to that goddess?

I just want to go out and have a bit of fun, maybe even dance with a man who has arms or smoke cigars! I'll smoke them, not him, that's gross.

Nothing too cra-azy. Oh, forget the dancing. I only want one set of arms around me. Just one set, like Prom. I guess we did dance after all, huh?

Does that count? It will have to.

Anyhow, that is the only set of arms I'll ever need. I am always astounded by his surprising manly arms. I mean he's tall and all, so naturally his arms are long, but they also feel amazingly strong… Hmmm, I wish he would come and take me into his masculine- Well, that's  **not**  gonna happen…

All right, time to leave Penny's bedroom.

" _Okay, I put on that dress, but…"_

They are staring… Stop staring! Does it look that bad?

Oh dear they're rushing me, like I'm at a Garth Brooks concert. Don't crowd.

" _Oh Amy, you look stunning! It fits like a dream!"_  Of course my Bestie would say that! It's the kind of dress she uses when she wants to sex up Leonard. Like she needs the help!

I don't think this is the right look for me. Not at all.  _"It's a little tight… I think it's too short… and no flowers? How will anyone know I am a girl?"_

" _Oh, they'll know. Believe me!"_  And now we have Bernie saying  **now**  men will know I am a girl? Now that I am showing some skin, I guess she thinks I can finally flaunt my sexuality. It was there all the time, sister, let me tell ya…

Crap, Penny is bringing over her make up case that looks like she bought it at Home Depot.

" _Now, let's do up your make up a little like when you were Snow White! Hey, what was that snort for?"_

" _Oh, just allergies, Bestie."_

Yes, Penny, I snorted! Like dressing up as a Disney character works at getting a man. Sheldon didn't even look at me, let alone give me one tiny little kiss when I did. I always thought that dressing up as a fictional character would get his 'motor' running… Well, I guess I was wrong… So instead of getting a kiss from my knight in shining armor, I fell asleep looking like a corpse in a casket and woke up with a blanket over me. He must have hated that my feet were in his spot.

But then, he  **did**  like the Nurse Chapel outfit… That one is gathering dust in my closet. Maybe I should brush the dust off some time… Now what am I thinking? I  **won't** dress up in some absurd costume to awaken his nether regions from their deep slumber! It wouldn't even be  **me** doing it, it would be once again a fictional character!

Jerk.

He would be furious if he would see me like this all gussied up… Maybe I should stop by to let him know what I am up to… Misbehaving Amy… Ignoring Doctor Cooper's 'rules of conduct'…

" _Ouch!"_  Mascara hurts when it's jabbed in your eye! Ugh, this is ridiculous. I just want to have a drink and go home and sleep. I only slept for twelve hours last night. Not enough.

" _Why do we have to do all this? We never did this before when we went out for Girls Night."_

Great, now Bernie is combing out my hair. I hope she doesn't do it like hers. I'm not a doll.

" _We tried to dress you up before, but you said Sheldon would hate it if he saw you. Now that you are on the outs with him, we can make you look forty years younger and take advantage of your new freedom!"_

Who said anything about me and Sheldon being on the outs?!  **I**  didn't! Did  **he**?!

Calm down, Amy. No of course not. He would have already sent you the termination of your Relationship Agreement.

Ah, right. Of course… Thank you, Amy.

You're welcome.

Ugh, I really have to make up my mind about my feelings… I also need to stop talking to myself… Then again, I  **am**  sleep deprived.

I am not ready to give up on my Sweet Baboo… We aren't on the outs. It's just a break, and I just need to think. I think I need to think. What was I thinking? I don't even know anymore, this dress is cutting off my blood supply to my cerebral cortex!

" _Bernie means you look pretty. Now, trust me. Looking good will boast your confidence. I told the same to Shel… I mean…um it works! See! I'm happy!"_

Yeah, put on the war paint that makes me sneeze and squeeze me into the hooker dress. I am fricking elated!

" _But you've looked good your whole life, but you never looked happy till you were with Leonard?"_

I remember how Penny was when he was with Priya. Not a good look for her.

" _HOLD STILL or I might jab your eyes again Amy. On purpose this time!"_

They don't get it. They never will. They didn't spend years being ignored for their looks. I had to grow my self-worth from another source. It is strong without all this falderal.

" _Penny, listen… my confidence about my appearance is fine. I just need to have a boyfriend who actually notices it. OUCH THAT'S MY EYE!"_

Ah, Bernadette is rolling her eyes. I wonder what part of what I said she finds so ludicrous. The part where I am fine with how I look or that I want a boyfriend who notices. Probably both.

" _Amy, look, I know you have never gone out like this before, but just try this once. Just one night and get the feeling that you are desired by other men. Then you can…"_  Not  **this**  again. Bernie's saying I need to get another man.

Ah, there it is… that look! I was wondering when it would come up. The one that means, that I can't be desirable to men because of my appearance. What do they think? That I have to change  **everything**  there is about me, just to feel whole? NO WAY! I  **am**  whole. I whole lot of ticked off!

" _Know what I have been missing for five years? I get it, Bernie. I know all too well. I don't need a tight dress or whorish makeup to tell me what I've been missing out. I don't want another man. I don't want someone else looking at me. That wouldn't make me feel better at all, because it STILL wouldn't be Sheldon looking at me! I_ _ **just**_ _want to have fun with you guys. Can't we just go to the cigar bar? Just us, and have fun? That's_ _ **all**_ _I need."_

Finally they get it! Well, at least Penny puts away the 'Hooker Red Light District' lipstick color… Although, I don't understand her deep sighing.

" _Okay Amy. You win."_

Good! I need to get out of this 'dress' as quick as possi-

Uh oh… Bernie's face is getting red. That is never a good sign. Oh no, She's going to blow!

" _Like Hell she wins! Get back in there Blondie, and don't skip on the blush! Amy, you are going out tonight, and have fun looking like a million bucks. Remember how happy you were when those guys bought us drinks at the Science conference? Well, think of this as your ticket to free Cranberry martinis!"_

I remember that conference very well,  **including**  how Bernie said those awful things about my Cuddles! I don't want another man to buy me drinks! Only Sheldon! Well, he never buys me drinks. Or dinner. We always go Dutch, but still!

" _Okay, but I can buy my own drin-"_

Hey Bernie! I wasn't finished! How rude to cut me off with her finger on my 'Hooker Red' lips. _"Shh! Penny needs this as much as you do! Now, suck in those cheeks, Amy."_

I better do what she says. She is indeed a frightening person…

* * *

**20 minutes later**

Okay, we got down the stairs at Los Robles without the guys seeing us! What a relief! Getting ready at Penny's was not the brightest of ideas, but hey, I guess we needed her armory of war paint and risqué dresses, didn't we?

Phew… we are all save in the car… driving to the club like a bunch of metropolitan party girls! This wasn't such a bad idea after all. No, this is great! I am supposed to be having fun. This will be fun!  **Fun!**

Oh God, my feet already hurt. I am going to get plantar fasciitis for sure! I heard tight clothes causes yeast infections and I think this makeup is causing blindness. Yay… having  **so**  much fun…

**(RING)**

Whose phone is this? Bernie's? She isn't going to answer, is she?… Of course she is… At least she has hands free, right? Nope…

" _What? Do you mean the washing machine exploded? Like a bomb_?"

Oh Dear, what is going on? Do I even want to know? Something about the garage is filling up with water and whether Stuart should move the boxes of important papers.

" _Look at the road, Bernadette!"_

Dear Lord, we are going to die! I should have told Sheldon I loved him one more time before I prepare for death's sweet embrace.

Sheldon would have had a fit if he saw Bernie talking on the phone while driving! And rightfully so! Of course, he would have a fit if he knew I was going to a club with my gals to drink alcohol, but he isn't here! I know shouldn't, but I wish he was.

What does Bernie mean she has to go home!? At least she got off the phone. Boy that was a lot of profanity!

" _Sorry ladies, you are on your own for a while tonight! Seems like Stuart and Howard, my engineer husband can't figure out how to turn off the water! No wonder his space toilet exploded!_ "

" _WHO WILL BE OUR DESIGNATED DRIVER?!"_

Ow! No need to scream, Penny! Of course she would worry she couldn't drink. That is what taxis are for, Bestie…

Although, it is a bit disappointing that Bernie has to leave. It's always fun with the three of us. On the other hand, maybe she can just drop me off at home and I can finally go to bed?

" _You can just drop me off_ …"

" _Oh no you don't! You two are going out! I will come get you later. It shouldn't take too long. Just have a few drinks and I will be_ _ **right**_ _there_."

Okay! Bernie is still pretty determined, so we better not cross her.

And here we already are… It will be fun!

Right?

Sure, Amy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Find out what Sheldon and Leonard are up to...


	8. Sheldon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second part of a double post. So if you have not read chapter 7 yet, you should do so first. :)
> 
> Also, this chapter takes place at the same time as the last one.

**In Leonard's car**

What another wasteful day this was. Leonard and I spent over two hours at Stuart's comic book store after we left the otologist and I didn't even enjoy that at all. I simply don't enjoy  **anything**  anymore.

Then again, my life is devoid of all fun anyway. Dying people don't have a lot of fun I suppose.

Leonard is a bit difficult to handle lately. He complains more as usual, which I find a bit uncalled for. I know he's in a bad mood because of his unresolved situation with Penny, but at least he's not sick. I had hoped that his meeting with Penny yesterday would make things better, but apparently it didn't go as he wished it would.

Nonetheless I think he should be more understanding of my situation.

What the hell is he doing now? Turning on the radio?!

" _Leonard! You know what I think about-"_

" _Shut it, Sheldon. I need music now. You're not the only one having problems. You're not the only one suffering. I don't sleep either and all I think about in my lab is Penny and how I can make things right again. But instead of concentrating on my own issues, I have to drive you around to one doctor after the other just because you're a hypochondriac delusional idiot! I am so afraid that she will leave me. Do you understand that Sheldon? Penny might leave me!"_

Might Amy leave me?

Ohhh Good Lord she might!

Oh what a relief that I am mortally ill and won't have to suffer for too long living without my Amy.

Although my ears seem to be fully functioning… according to the doctor at least.

Pfft. What do they know? If I were the paragon of good health as these morons persist in saying, wouldn't I feel splendid and not like I would be stuck in purgatory?

" _Oh! I like this song."_

Geez, and now he's cranking up the volume. I am in hell indeed.

_"_ _**I can't fight this feeling any longer** _ _... Sing with me Sheldon! It will make you feel better!"_

Nope, I was wrong.  **Now**  I am in hell… Leonard singing… Oh, the humanity!

What is this song about anyway?

"… _ **there is no reason for my fear  
'Coz I feel so secure when we're together  
You give my life direction, you make everything so clear**_ _\- HEY!"_

Ugh! This is tedious!

" _Enough of that, Leonard!"_

The person singing this poppycock clearly knows nothing about life. There are all sorts of reasons to fear things.

Once upon a time, I knew exactly in which direction my life would go... straight to Stockholm. I've lost track of that since I met her.

Well that and the fact that I have wasted years on a theory that can't be verified to begin with. Proving the compactification of extra dimensions, my butt...

I do feel kind of secure with her though. Well, when she is not complaining about whatever it is she needs to complain about...

" _Sheldon, turn the radio back on!"_

" _No!"_

" _YES! …_ _ **My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you**  
I've been runnin' round in circles in my mind  
And it always seems that I'm following you girl  
'Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never fin_ _\- DAMMIT SHELDON!"_

" _NO! I'm not listening to this baloney any longer! LOOK AT THE ROAD LEONARD!"_

" _Turn the radio back on and I promise not to kill us both!"_

" _That's blackmail!"_

" _TURN THE RADIO BACK ON SHELDON!"_

" _OKAY!"_  He hates me. So much is clear.

"… __ **I've forgotten what I've started fighting for**  
And if I have to crawl upon the floor  
Or come crashing through your door  
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore."

Oh thank God my ears have stopped bleeding! But, the lyrics are quite catchy…

Would she talk to me again if I crawled upon  **her**  floor?

Should I crash through  **her**  door?

_"Well, we'll be home soon Sheldon. You know, maybe we should have a nice evening and watch a movie. What do you say? You and I spent way too many nights crying-"_

_"I am not-"_  Ah, what the hell. _"Yeah, I would like that...but I pick the movie!"_

What's with the extensive sighing now?

This is a good idea indeed. I do have to do some important research before though.

_"I need to find other specialists first. I need second opinions. Clearly-"_

_"Ugh Sheldon, for the ten thousandth time, you are_ _**not** _ _sick. Why won't you just accept that you are feeling like this because Amy broke-"_

_"Amy_ _**did not** _ _'break up' with me!"_

_"Either way, it's still the only reason why you're in this state. Accept it."_

Never.

_"No, Leonard. I refuse to concede that I feel like this just because of her."_

_"You're never getting tired of fighting your feelings, aren't you?"_

I am not fighting anything, except for my brain tumor and severe heart condition.

_"That's complete bull sh—bull chips! Yes, just like that stupid song!"_

_"So why won't you accept then that you're miserable because of Amy?"_

I don't want to think about that… I already did and I didn't like the outcome… at all.

_"Because, if it would be true, it would mean that... That I love her more than she loves me._ _**If** _ _she even still loves me."_

_"How so?"_

_"I feel awful without her, while Amy apparently feels awful_ _**with** _ _me. Besides this break, there were so many times she's been annoyed with me just for me being who I am. I'm not attentive enough, considerate enough, romantic enough, I'm not this enough and that enough. I am used to you guys picking at me, but... it hurts more when she does it as well."_

Truth be told, it's frustrating at times. I do all the things required by our agreement and much more. There is no word whatsoever in it that I have to get her flowers for Valentine's Day and yet I did get her the mushroom log. Sometimes it feels like whatever I do never seems to satisfy her. She probably wouldn't even have liked the ring I got her.

_"Sheldon… Buddy... I'm sorry. You know that despite everything I say sometimes, you are my best friend, right?"_

_"I do, Leonard."_

I do feel lucky to have him in my life. If he wouldn't be here with me, I don't know how I could handle all the stress with this 'situation' with Amy… and me dying.

He must feel stressed too with him and Penny being on some sort of 'break' too. Poor Leonard.

" _Thank you for taking me to the doctors. And I'm sure that Penny won't leave you. She even used your name again yesterday. So that means you're not Voldemort anymore. That's something, isn't it?"_

_"I guess… I hope you're right. Well, let's have a fun evening and no more talk about women... or doctors!"_

_"Yes! We are men- no even more importantly, we're scientists after all and no slaves to temptation incarnate!"_

_"Yeah!... Wait. Whaaat?"_

* * *

**10 minutes later….**

" _Here we are, Sheldon. Let's go upstairs and have a nice evening."_

" _Yes. It would do me good not to think about my pending death and Amy just for a little while. What movie should we watch? Something space themed or- Stop! Look, the girls are leaving our building."_

There she is! My Amy. Hmm. She looks different somehow.

What dress is that? No flowers on it? That's definitely not one of hers and it is pretty short.

Too short. I don't like it.

I wonder what they are up to looking like this. Since Amy turned out to be extremely wayward in regards to my considerate 'no alcohol' rule, they are surely going out to get drunk.

This is unacceptable! I really should tell her that right away.

Then again she yelled and poked me the last time I brought that up. She really has some anger issues.

Maybe I should just grab her and carry her upstairs and lock her into my room… for her own safety of course. After all, I saw with my own eyes yesterday that she spoke with the brains in her lab while cutting them open. So I would say that the state of her mental health is at least alarming.

" _Sheldon, let's wait here until they're gone. I don't need another awkward encounter with them."_

I would do her a favor to keep her under my watch... at all times. I would even suspend the 'no girls are allowed in my room' rule for her safety.

" _Huh? Wait here? No. We follow them. Come on, Leonard. They are already getting in the car!"_

" _No, Sheldon! That would be stalking!"_

" _Please, one cannot stalk one's own girlfriend."_

" _Uhm, yeah one can, but one shouldn't do it!"_

" _Get in the car now! We'll lose them!"_

" _I'm not-"_

No! I will not lose their trail. Time to dive into that neurobiological bag of tricks Amy taught me.

" _Leonard, with how things are between you and Penny momentarily, do you think it's wise to let her get drunk? You know how often I saw her coming back the next day wearing the same clothes…"_

And  **there**  goes the light bulb off in my best buddy's brain…

" _All right! Let's go."_

Finally! I truly don't know why Leonard is always contradicting me instead of just accepting that I am always right. It's getting rather tedious.

I feel a little anxious because he clearly is driving too fast right now but at least he caught up to them. I can see Amy sitting in the back of Bernadette's car.

Wait! What's Bernadette doing with her hand at her head? Is she speaking on the phone while driving?! Risking my Amy's life?! How dare she? I will have to talk to that woman about the high possibilities of having an accident when one gets distracted behind the wheel.

Ugh. I really should have taken Amy to my safe bedroom when I had the chance and not let her go away with her so called 'friends'. With me, she would never be in danger.

Then again, if she would be there all the time, I probably would have to listen to her bickering all the time. 'Do that Sheldon... Do this Sheldon... No, don't do it this way... Do it like other people do...'

On the other side, I'm dying anyway. I bet she'll determine that I even died the wrong way. She really should appreciate me and my efforts more. I mean here I am risking my life following her around to protect her and she isn't even speaking to me.

" _They stopped the car, Sheldon. Hm, that's odd. Bernadette left right away. That's not good. Penny and Amy will be drunk all by themselves. Some creeps will definitely 'offer' to take them home. I say, we stay here and wait until they come out again. Then we can pretend that we were just here by coincidence and drive them home."_

" _Hmmm..."_

" _Do you want to go_ _ **in**_ _there? Sheldon, I don't think that's a good idea. They will be furious when they see us."_

" _Then we just have to make sure that they won't. I am sure they are already surrounded by other men just waiting to... attack their prey! We cannot let that happen."_

" _Sheldon, calm down. I'm sure that you have nothing to worry about. Amy isn't that kind of girl. Penny on the other hand..."_

" _You really think that Penny would cheat to get back at you for kissing that woman on the boat?"_

" _No, I meant that... whatever."_

" _What did you mean?"_

" _Never mind."_

Oh no, he did not insinuate that my Amy is not as desirable as his blonde Barbie doll! Penny's breasts don't hold as much content as ten percent of Amy's very attractive brain.

" _Wait, did you mean that my Amy wouldn't be preyed at? That she isn't pretty enough to get attacked?!"_

" _No! Well, you have to admit that-"_

" _I don't 'have to' admit anything! Amy is way more beautiful than your fake blonde, skinny fiancée! Not to mention that she has the most extraordinary intellect. While Penny is basically a drug peddler, Amy spends her time with uncovering the mysteries of the human brain. In comparison to my Amy's genius, your Penny is only as smart as... as... as Raj's girlfriend!"_

" _Emily is pretty smart."_

" _Cinnamon!"_

" _Oh yes, of course... Hey! Penny is not dumb! How dare you say something like that?"_

" _Whatever, Leonard. I'm going in there now. I won't sit idle by while someone tries to steal my girlfriend."_

" _Okay! But I'm going to blame_ _ **you**_ _when this ends in a disaster!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there, Hazelra, mphs95 and QB here: Thank you so much for reading and we hope you enjoyed these two chapters.
> 
> Next: Find out what happens in the bar and if the evening ends in a disaster as Leonard predicted...


	9. Amy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter takes place the same evening as the last.

Wow this club is louder than I remember. Oh I forgot that they mark your hand with a stamp! Sheldon had a fit when he was here with us!

He has a lot of fits, but I'm used to it. What I am not used to is all the stares I am getting. Soak it in, boys! You ain't getting none of this… or are they are looking at Penny? Yep… It's Penny. Typical.

" _Hey Ames, want to try a new drink? I heard of this one called a Zombie!"_

" _I don't think that would be allowed under the Zombie Clause of the Relationship Agreement. Sheldon says-"_

" _Oh phooey on Sheldon! I'm ordering it for us! C'mon!"_

Oh, peer pressure, how I love you. " _Okay! Make mine with extra brains!_ "

" _Ames, that's gross. No brains, just booze. Lots of booze!"_

I'm glad Penny is ordering the drinks. She has a way with the wait staff that makes the order come super fast, like some kind of a waitress code or something.

I just want to have a drink… maybe two. That's all! No more and then I go home and sleep… and dream of my Sweet Baboo…

Wait! I shouldn't sleep all the time, I really need to think. I told Sheldon I would, and I haven't even started. Why though? In a way, I am still in shock that I actually told him that I need to take a step back. Why again did I need to reevaluate our situation?

Ah yes, of course. He needs to appreciate me!

Oh here the drinks come,! Oh Sweet Lord, that is a big one!

" _Good bye little grey cells."_  OH my God! I'm drunk! But it's tasty!

" _So Ames, what's ya going to do about Sheldon, huh? I mean, you're not really gonna leave him, right?"_

Leave him?! Would I? Should I? Maybe I should. He will never treat me like I want him to. I know that. But the thought of being without him strangles my heart worse than this dress.

" _I don't want to leave Sheldon, but he needs to appreciate me and I know that will never happen. I either need to face facts that our relationship will never be normal or move on."_

" _Well, normal is over rated. I thought I had normal with Leonard, and look what it got me! Stupid cheating jerk! I missed him so much when he was on that boat trip. But he didn't even think about me when he had his lips attached to that hussy!"_

Penny better slow down on that drink… or even better, I need to catch up!

" _Well, I understand that you're hurt, I do, Penny. But at least your fiancée doesn't mind touching you! At least he asked you marry him! One sleep over and I barely got a hug good night. You get to sleep with Leonard whenever you want!"_

Penny looks unimpressed with my assessment of their relationship. Truth is, I have been envious of their relationship for years. Leonard adores her and everything she's said or done, it doesn't matter. It's obvious he loves her more than Penny loves him, but she doesn't see it.

Or maybe she does, and that is the problem. She knows she will never love him as much he loves her. Oh, God. It's just like Sheldon and I! I need another Zombie!

Oh, I still have this one.

Boy, Penny almost done with her drink and signed the waiter to get another round.

Hm. The way she looks at me… like I am what?... Naïve? I guess when it comes to men she does have more experience and- Yep, she looks like she's ready to drop more knowledge on me. " _You have a boyfriend who will_ _ **never**_ _cheat on you! You never have to worry about Sheldon locking lips with some physics floozy_."

Penny's right. Sheldon would never stray, but I know why he wouldn't. " _That's because he doesn't think about sex EVER, let alone with another woman! Besides, Leonard didn't have sex with her, just kissed her. I know that's is bad enough, but at least he stopped and thought about you. More than I can say for Sheldon. When he was kissing me, he was thinking of 'The Flash'. A stupid TV show! So I guess Sheldon was cheating on me with Barry Allen_."

" _Who is Barry Allen?"_

" _The Flash!"_

" _OH God, you even know who that is? Sheldon should marry you on that fact alone."_

Yeah, 'right', Bestie. I'm sure Sheldon already has a ring and a plan to propose… Pfft!

" _Like that would_ _ **ever**_ _happen. He_ _ **hates**_ _change. Can you even fathom Sheldon asking me to marry him? Being a husband? Having a wedding night? No way. Not in all the multiverses of the DC world."_

" _Who is DC, another superhero?"_

Geez Penny!

Oh… now I know what Sheldon feels like talking to me about all his fantasy stuff.

" _Never mind. Look… Leonard asked you to marry him. Multiple times. He has been in love with you for eight years. One drunken kiss on a boat when he is thousands of miles away doesn't take away the wonderful things he's done for you. He kisses you every time he sees you. Sheldon only does it on Date Night, and for only thirty seconds. That's it."_

Granted, those are the best thirty seconds of the whole week, but still.

" _Yeah… That's pretty lame. But Leonard thinks I'm stupid and Sheldon knows you're smart!"_

I need a sarcasm sign. Oh wait, Penny gets sarcasm, thank God.

" _Yeah right… He thinks so much of my intellect he dismissed one of my greatest achievements off hand, my article in Neuron, to play on Twitter! Being smart is wonderful, but having a boyfriend who recognizes it and appreciates is also great. I wouldn't know. He dismissed the math I suggested, and THEN had the nerve to get upset when I let Kripke use it!"_

So what's the point of having a relationship of mind then, when he even doesn't appreciate mine!

" _See, Ames! He was jealous!"_

" _Not of Kripke and I being romantically involved. He knows that would never ever happen. He was just furious I would help his professional rival. Nothing more."_

Penny stirs her second drink and I guess thinking about what I said takes already longer... I think she gets it now… Or maybe not…

" _Sheldon asks you what you think about stuff all the time! Like investing in the comic book store or his hair cut. Leonard never asks me what I think. I'm just lucky I got this drug job or he would think I was nothing more than a useless waitress. He probably thinks I got my job on my looks alone, cause I'm too stupid to do anything else. That's what everyone else thinks."_

That's true. Not that everyone thinks Penny's stupid, but that Sheldon asks me things. Of course, he  **doesn't**  when he plans to leave the freaking planet!

Oh, Penny looks so sad. I should say something encouraging. That's what BFFs do, don't they?

" _Penny, you may not have book smarts, but you have street smarts. Besides, you told me about the interview; it was about your personality, not your looks. Leonard is so proud of your new job!"_

" _He likes that I am out of acting because it's more stable but then makes me feel bad for doing what I have to do to sell to these doctors. They buy more if I look single! I make so much more money now and that intimidates him. He doesn't understand it is not about him."_

" _Maybe that is the problem. It is never about him, is it? I know what that is like. Sheldon never puts me first, or thinks of me before his own needs. You have a man who will make sacrifices for you. He would do_ _ **anything**_ _for you. Buy you a car, help you get into college, fight off an ex-boyfriend for your TV. I can barely get Sheldon to look at me on Date Nights sometimes. Some days, I envy your relationship with Leonard. You never have to wonder if he finds you attractive or thinks about the future with you. You don't have to guess what he is feeling."_

" _Yeah, Sheldon is hard nut to crack about that. He's not very affectionate with you."_

**Now**  she gets it.

" _I know…"_

" _He only said he loved you… what twice? Leonard says it every day!"_

EVERY DAY? Holy crap! " _Yeah… good for you_ …"

" _He never celebrates your birthday, or does special things without pulling teeth. I mean Leonard tried to take me to Switzerland for Valentine's Day! He brought me a snow flake from the North Pole! He buys me flowers all the time!_ "

Enough, Bestie! I get it! Leonard is a prince. There has got to be something Sheldon has done for me… Think Fowler, think…

Ah, of course!

" _Sheldon got me the tiara."_

Did Penny just snort her drink? I think she did!  _"Only to get out of trouble. Not just because he cared about you!"_

That's not true! I mean, yeah, he got the tiara to get out of trouble but at least he cared enough to  **want**  to get out of trouble! Besides, I do know that he does care a lot for me…

Oh, and here's another one! " _He got me that picture frame for Christmas…"_

" _Sure, but only to teach you lesson on NOT giving gifts, not outta love. He just wanted to make you feel bad so you would never make him celebrate Christmas again, even though he KNOWS you love it. What an ass!"_

Geez, how depressing all that is… I need a huge sip of my Zombie drink!

" _Yeah, but later he said he was happy about it, he loved the cookies. I love my picture frame._ **"**

A little too much… Note to self: Got to get more batteries later…

" _I mean Sheldon… God. What an idiot! Playing Star Wars games after you told him how important that birthday party was…"_

Huh? What birthday party?

Oh of course, how could I have forgotten Aunt Flora's birthday party?

Damn, these drinks are strong!

" _Yes, but we went to the science center the next day with my Cooper Coupons…"_

The Cooper Coupons were awesome! We did so many great fun things!

" _Taking Raj on your anniversary dinner!"_

Fair point. But somehow he managed to even make this one of the best nights…

" _But that night he told me the best quote. I know it was Spider-Man, but for Sheldon, that's a big deal…"_

" _Constantly making comments that you only think about sex."_

Well…

" _I think he just felt too much pressure…"_

Am I pressuring Sheldon too much?

" _Going on that train trip without so much of a phone call? Leonard would never do that!"_

Okay, okay, okay! I get it!

" _Yeah… he's a prince… Can we_ _have_ _more drinks?"_

Nope, Penny is on a roll…

" _I mean you do stuff for him all the time! Talking to Wil Wheaton when he was sad, doing that stupid Fun with Flags show…"_

" _I_ _ **love**_ _Fun with Flags…"_

" _I mean, counting the seconds when he kisses you? What the hell?! It's like he is doing it just because he has to do it! I bet he even brushes his teeth after you leave. He is such…"_

Now wait a damn minute. He doesn't do that! I'm not  **that**  sickening.

" _That's enough! You sound just like Bernie! I can't get Sheldon to love me… no one wants me to show my sexuality... You are all hinting around that it's because of Sheldon, but I know you really think it is because of me! I'm not good enough for him! Well, let me tell you. Sheldon Cooper chose ME! Me, mousy, ugly Amy Gorilla Hands Fowler to be his girlfriend. He could have been with that Monkey Princess or that Martha girl Raj told me about or that Ramona, but no, it was_ _ **me**_ _!"_

" _Amy… I wasn't saying…" Oh, s_ he looks like I slapped her, but her statement still stands. She never thought I was sexy enough to turn Sheldon's head and that was why he chose me. He'd never be tempted. I know that is what they really think. They  **all**  do.

" _Oh stifle it. You think he is so disgusted by me he would_ _ **brush**_ _his teeth?_ _ **Really?!**_ _You know who put in in kissing in the Relationship Agreement?_ _ **He**_ _did! He kissed me on that train, and I know for a fact he didn't run off and rinse with mouthwash. He liked it! Imagine that! That night on the couch, he was going to kiss me again! You and Bernie can just stop making me feel like no one will love me. He loves me in his own way. The only way he knows how…"_

That's it isn't it? It's the only way he knows how. What am I doing? Am I trying to make him into something he isn't? Am I forcing him to love me like  **I**  want him to?

" _Ames… I'm sorry. Hey wait, what did Bernie say to you?"_

" _She said I was just upset about her posing for a magazine and show her sexuality because no one wants me to show mine…"_

That really hurt.

" _That bitch!"_

" _You just said the same thing!"_

" _NO I didn't! I said Sheldon is the problem, not you! I mean Stuart wanted to date you!"_

" _Yeah… that's true..."_

I kind of forgot about Stuart. That was a pretty hot hug he gave me too.

" _And that rock guy… what's his name?"_

" _Bert…but I would never-"_

" _And that Saudi guy! He asked you to marry him!"_

" _Yes, but that was just for donations! Not love!"_

" _Speaking of love, even creepy Doctor Lorvis fell in love with you!"_

" _He falls in love with everyone, you first I might add!…but at least I got flowers. I got them for the first time in my life. I've always wanted flowers."_

" _Yeah, but Amy! Listen to me, it's not you! It's just Sheldon. He doesn't know how to love you."_

" _He does the only way he knows how… Quirks and all_."

I miss my Sweet Baboo.

Oh here is the waitress again with some drinks. When did Penny order them? Wait, those don't look like Zombies…

Hm. Penny is waving them away. " _Oh we didn't order any drinks…"_

I don't think I can handle another one! Boy those Zombies are really strong!

" _Those men bought them for you. The short one wanted to say his favorite color is yellow, by the way_." Probably thinks that Penny's hair is yellow. It's  **not**  yellow, it's  **golden**  you idiots! God… more morons… I should be nice though, that's what social convention dictates, right?

" _Oh… how nice. Say thank you from us."_

" _Ames! Those guys bought us drinks! Aren't you thrilled?"_

" _Nah… When I went to the science conference with Bernadette, the same thing happened. No big deal."_

" _What? What did you do?"_

" _Nothing. I am with Sheldon. I told them thank you and we were able to drink our drinks without giving up the goodies. I'll go tell those guys… Oh wait. Here they come."_

The short one is kinda cute, if you like that type which I do  **not**. Too short, too blond and too I don't know… Not Sheldon…

" _Hello ladies. I see you are enjoying the drinks. "_

I can relax. Penny will handle these clowns. She is always gracious.

" _Thank you but you didn't have to do that. I'm engaged and she is… well… on a break."_

WHY DID YOU TELL THEM THAT?

" _Oh a break. I love breaks. Enjoy the drinks. Think of it as payment for the view. I must say, I do love yellow."_

Didn't Penny  **just**  say she's engaged? God this guy's such an idiot. Oh wait… He's looking at  **me**! Oh dear! I need to say something that will make him go away.

" _Oh well yellow is a pleasant color, usually associated with mental acuity and brightness. It's the safest color for a car."_

Oh boy, that just made him more intrigued. Never should have said 'mental acuity'. That always brings the boys to the yard. Hm, he's looking at me somewhat strange. Do I have something on my face?... Or between my teeth?

" _Yes, indeed I'd like to get you in a car… Mine's red though. It's a sports car."_

Why on earth would he want me to get into a car? And why would he even think I care what kind he drives? Maybe he is a car salesman. I knew it!

" _Well, you might want to change the color of yellow. You would get lower insurance rates. Oh and I have a car, so I am good on that front. Thank you."_

Why is Penny looking at me like I am crazy? It's true!

" _Like the strip on this dress. Looking good."_ I don't like how much he licks his lips. He must have dry lips. Yuck.

Not like Sheldon's warm perfect soft lips. When Sheldon licks his lips it's sexy… oh  **so**  sexy! This guy? Dude, get some Chap Stick!

" _Oh well...um… yellow is not always good. For example, if your stool is yellow, that could be sign of malabsorptive fat digestion in the small intestines, usually associated with Celiac disease."_

" _HUH? What?"_

Shut up Amy, don't talk about stool.  _"Nothing._   _Yellow is great_."

Oh, he is standing too close to me, and I really don't like the looks of him. I think I will stand up and use the facilities. Oh dear, now he is looking even more at me! More what? Intensely? What does that mean? Either way, I need to get away from here. This situation is starting to freak me out. Why doesn't Penny say anything?

" _This dress is just… so… God you have a great ass!"_

**(SMACK!)**

DID HE JUST TOUCH MY BUTTOCKS?!

Oh man, I think he did! He really did! The nerve of that guy! Oh, he has no idea….

" _ **OW!"**_

Boy that slap felt good. Oh he's on the ground… poor thing must be plastered to get down so easily...

" _Don't you dare touch me! I have a boyfriend!"_

" _Well, where is he, huh? She said you were on a break!"_

Penny and her big mouth.

I like the sight of him lying there though… But one shouldn't kick a man when they're down.

Hmmmm, yes one should!

Maybe one kick.

" _OUCH! HEY, stop that!"_

Oh yes! That felt good! Really good!

" _Just because we're on a break doesn't mean you can touch me! How dare you assume you are allowed to touch me? Like I would ever stoop so low as to date some moron car salesman who doesn't have enough sense to buy a yellow car!"_

" _Lady… I work at a bank! Damn that hurts! Besides, where is your perfect boyfriend now, huh?"_

" _At home, solving the mysteries of the universe on a level you could never understand! He has the most brilliant mind and would know enough to buy a yellow car! He's kind, sweet and caring. He cares for me when I am sick, he is loyal, and the most fun guy I have ever known!"_

This guy dares to start to get up. I need to glare at him. Down boy. Good. And now stay down.

" _Then why are you on a break!?"_

_Oops…_ That's a lot of blood coming out of that big nose.

What did he ask? Why are Sheldon and I on a break?

" _Because… because…"_

Maybe Penny will help… Nope, she's just staring at me and the creep laying in front of me Why am I not with Sheldon right now? Why am I here with these idiots?

" _Because… I don't know if I can go on loving him more than he is capable of loving me. That's why. Excuse me…"_

I have to get out of here. I need air. Lots of air. Ugh! This damn war paint is coming off from my crying. I knew Penny used too much! I want to go home! I want to know what I am going to do! Why can't anyone tell me, what I should do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The idea of Zombie drinks came from my good friend Nibbler747 and her story Kripke Conundrum. Check it out.
> 
> Thank you all so much for following and reviewing this story. This was one of my favorite chapters to write. Thanks again so much!


	10. Sheldon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter takes place at the same time as the last.
> 
> The dialog in bold is Amy and Penny talking.

Oh that's just 'perfect'. It will take forever to wash the mark off my hand, like the last time when I accompanied Amy to meet with Zach to have coitus-

Ugh! I don't want to think about  **that**! How relieved I was that she chose not to give in to her baser urges after all that evening.

Drat! Just my luck, my bottle of Purell is empty! How could I not foresee this? I have to get my eyes checked... and my ears again. I hope she appreciates at least the fact that I am ruining them for her with this unbearable loud music.

Ugh… So many people here, it's way too crowded. Where is Amy?

_"They are over there, Sheldon."_

I knew it! Penny made her drink something that sure looks like it's violating the Zombie Clause!

Are these morons standing next to them checking my Amy out?! Of course they are! Look at those legs!

No! Don't look at her legs perverts! I really wish she would not wear this ridiculous short and tight dress. I like her usual skirts much better...

_"We have to find a place where they can't see us..."_

... and the nice view they offer when I walk behind her... I need sleep. Why won't she let me sleep?

_"Sheldon? Are you listening?"_

_"Huh? Oh yes... Let's go over there. I want to hear what they are talking about."_

This place will do. Right behind them but protected by the column.

_"Can you hear-"_

_"Shhh! Listen!"_

_**"** **_.._. I either need to face facts that our relationship will never be normal or move on."** _

Ah, of course, her favorite topic, me not being 'normal'...  **Does**  she want to move on?

_**"Well, normal is over rated. I thought I had normal with Leonard, and look what it got me! Stupid cheating jerk! I missed him so much when he was on that boat trip. But he didn't even think about me when he had his lips attached to that hussy!"** _

_"Yeah, Leonard. I still don't understand why you did that. All those years you've been going on and on about Penny and how she's the love of your life and your imaginary babies and whatnot and then you kiss someone else?!"_

_"I know, Sheldon! I know it was a horrible mistake. I don't even know myself how it happened. It just-"_

_"Shhh!"_

_**"Well, I understand that you're hurt, I do, Penny. But at least your fiancée doesn't mind touching you! At least he asked you marry him! One sleep over and I barely got a hug good night. You get to sleep with Leonard whenever you want!"** _

Huh? I don't mind touching her. Why would I? Besides, if you Little Lady wouldn't have insisted on this idiotic break, I would have already asked you to marry me! But hey, let's blame Sheldon instead!

_**"You have a boyfriend who will never cheat on you! You never have to worry about Sheldon locking lips with some physics floozy."** _

Yikes! Just the thought makes me sick!

_**"That's because he doesn't think about sex EVER, let alone with another woman! Besides, Leonard didn't have sex with her, just kissed her. I know that is bad enough, but at least he stopped and thought about you. More than I can say for Sheldon. When he was kissing me, he was thinking of 'The Flash'. A stupid TV show! So I guess Sheldon was cheating on me with Barry Allen."** _

Oh God! She  **is**  nuts. Cheating on her with Barry Allen?! Doesn't she know that he is a fictional character, not to mention a man?!

And I would never think about sex? Oh boy, I wish it would be so... Hmmm, but she knows the real name of _The Flash_. That's so... Uh oh! No, that's not arousing at all! Think of something else... Think of something else... Think of some-

_"You're thinking about sex with Amy right now, aren't you Sheldon?"_

_"Shhh!"_

_"You so are! You can't deny it anyway. That other worldly expression on your face gives it totally away."_

_"Please, Leonard! I just thought of... something completely unrelated."_

_"No you weren't. And I don't blame you. I wish Penny would know the real name of The Flash."_

Maybe I should tell Amy that I do think about making love with her.

No, better not or else she'll think it's an invitation to seduce me even more with all her fancy- No! I need to concentrate on what they are talking about and not about a love life we might  **never**  have if she doesn't end this moronic break.

_**"…**   **Not in all the multiverses of the DC world."**_

Oh Good Lord! Now she's talking multiverses and DC?! If she says _'Marvel_ ' I won't be able to refrain myself and- Wait! Even better would be _'Star Wars'_

Please say "Star Wars" for me Amy... Uhm. Does she do that on purpose? Does she know that I'm here? Careful, just a peek around the column…

No, if I would guess she doesn't even realize what she just said.

What isn't happening in all the DC multiverses though?

_**"** **Who is DC, another superhero?"** _

Geez, Penny. All those years and you learned nothing? I wonder how Leonard even gets his 'motor running' as they say...

_**"** **Never mind. Look… Leonard asked you to marry him. Multiple times. He has been in love with you for eight years. One drunken kiss on a boat when he is thousands of miles away doesn't take away the wonderful things he's done for you. He kisses you every time he sees you. Sheldon only does it on Date Night, and for only thirty seconds. That's it."** _

So? And what about all the wonderful things I did for you? No mention of that... I see...

_**"** **_Yeah_ … That's pretty lame. But Leonard thinks I'm stupid and Sheldon knows you're smart!"** _

She so is! As smart as I am. Our babies will be so genius-

_"She thinks I think she's stupid."_

_"Huh?"_

_"Penny. She believes that I think she's stupid. Didn't you listen?"_

_"Oh that. Well, it probably didn't help that she thought she had to lie to you about her nonexistent college degree when you first went out. Of course, the fact that you rewrote her essay when she tried community college again kind of proved that you found bad what she wrote. I have to say, I understand why she would think that."_

_"You're the one who said earlier that she's as stupid as Raj's dog."_

_"No. I said in comparison to Amy, not in general. I don't believe that Penny is stupid at all. If I did, I wouldn't go to her for advice so regularly. Do you ever ask her or are you just giving her advice?"_

_"Uhm..."_

_"See. Now shut up, I want to know what Amy thinks of me. At some point she does have to say something nice. Right?"_

_"Uhm..."_

Spying on her turned out to be much more informative as any other of my attempts in the last weeks. I should have done that a lot sooner and shouldn't have dismissed the idea of installing cameras in her lab and apartment so fast. Anyway. What are they saying now?

_**"** **Sheldon asks you what you think about stuff all the time! Like investing in the comic book store or his hair cut. Leonard never asks me what I think. I'm just lucky I got this drug job or he would think I was nothing more than a useless waitress. He probably thinks I got my job on my looks alone, cause I'm too stupid to do anything else. That's what everyone else thinks."** _

_"Ha! I told you, Leonard, that you need to involve your significant other in important decisions."_

_"Like you did when you sent out the application to Mars?"_

_"I fixed that right away!"_

_"After she told you to!"_

Crap… got me there. Haughty derision. Use haughty derision and displacement.

_"What do you know? Your fiancée thinks you find her stupid!"_

_"Shhh! They might hear us!"_

_**"** **He likes that I am out of acting because it's more stable but then makes me feel bad for doing what I have to do to sell to these doctors. They buy more if I look single! I make so much more money now and that intimidates him. He doesn't understand it is not about him."** _

Oh dear, Leonard looks like he's about to cry. I can't handle an emotional Leonard now. I need to get to the bottom of this 'situation' Amy and I are apparently in that she needs to reevaluate. Although I have to wonder if she has even started with that.

_"I'm such a bad boyfriend. I don't deserve her."_

_"Leonard, of course you don't deserve her. That's hardly news."_

_"You're an ass. You don't deser-"_

_"Shhh!"_

_**"** **_I_  know what that is like. Sheldon never puts me first, or thinks of me before his own needs. You have a man who will make sacrifices for you. He would do anything for you. Buy you a car, help you get into college, fight off an ex-boyfriend for your TV. I can barely get Sheldon to look at me on Date Nights sometimes. Some days, I envy your relationship with Leonard. You never have to wonder if he finds you attractive or thinks about the future with you. You don't have to guess what he is feeling."** _

What the- Whaaat? I don't make sacrifices?! I sacrificed my  **WHOLE**  life plan for her! I really want to go over there and tell that ungrateful girlfriend of mine a few things.

Now what is that nonsense again about her wondering if I would find her attractive?

_"You know Leonard, I don't understand why Amy would even say something like that."_

_"Like what?"_

_"About how she has to guess what I'm feeling for her. I mean, what is there more to say than 'I love you'? I did say that. Three times!"_

_"I tell Penny that every day."_

_"Isn't that a little... inflationary? Doesn't the value get lost with time? Does it really still mean as much as it did in the beginning or didn't it already reprobate to an empty phrase? Besides, you did say that probably on the day you kissed someone else. I truly doubt that Amy, would she think clearly about this, would still envy the two of you."_

_"Shut up, Sheldon. We're missing what they say."_

_**"** **He never celebrates your birthday, or does special things without pulling teeth. I mean Leonard tried to take me to Switzerland for Valentine's Day! He brought me a snow flake from the North Pole! He buys me flowers all the time!"** _

Ugh! This romantic malarkey again...

_**"** **Sheldon got me the tiara…"** _

I so did! Point Cooper!

_**"** **Only to get out of trouble. Not just because he cared about you!"** _

Shut up Penny! And I do care!

_**"He got me that picture frame for Christmas…"** _

Again, point Cooper! I'm so winning this!

_**"** **Sure, but only to teach you lesson on NOT giving gifts, not outta love. He just wanted to make you feel bad so you would never make him celebrate Christmas again, even though he KNOWS you love it. What an ass!"** _

Someone is very eager to get on my mortal enemies list again...

_**"** **Yeah, but later he said he was happy about it, he loved the cookies. I love my picture frame."** _

Oh the cookies! They were so delicious!

Of course you love the picture frame. I know, you ran through a lot of batteries already. I meant every word. I do treasure-

_**"I mean Sheldon… God. What an idiot! Playing Star Wars games after you told him how important that birthday party was…"** _

Huh? What birthday party?

_**"** **Yes, but we went to the science center the next day with my Cooper Coupons…"** _

Oh that birthday party... Cooper Coupons. I'm such a genius! She loved them all!

_**"** **Taking Raj on your anniversary dinner!"** _

_"What the heck is Penny's problem, Leonard? Does she hate me?"_

_"It's all true what she says, or is it not?"_

_"Well... It's completely taken out of context!"_

_"What context? That you tried to find loopholes all the time to get out of your boyfriend duties?"_

_"Shhh now!"_

_**"** **Constantly making comments that you only think about sex."** _

Oh, stop right there. I don't want to hear about that again.

_**"** **_I_  think he just felt too much pressure…"** _

Yes! There's so much pressure! From everywhere! It really doesn't help that she's pushing that much too! I mean, how much faster does she think I can go?!

On the other hand, what she said earlier implies that she doesn't even know that I do think about sex as well. Maybe I really should tell her.

Then again, what if I don't fulfill her expectations? I do try to be a good boyfriend, even a romantic one. Yet she never seems happy, there is always a 'but' waiting. What if we do make love and it is not as perfect as she expects it to be? What if I disappoint her then again? Like I seem to do with everything?

_**"** **_I_  mean, counting the seconds when he kisses you? What the hell?! It's like he is doing it just because he has to do it! I bet he even brushes his teeth after you leave. He is such…"** _

What the heck?!

_"That's enough, Leonard! I'm going over there now and tell Penny to shut-"_

_**"** **That's enough! You sound just like Bernie! I can't get Sheldon to love me… no one wants me to show my sexuality... You are all hinting around that it's because of Sheldon, but I know you really think it is because of me! I'm not good enough for him! Well, let me tell you. Sheldon Cooper chose ME! Me, mousy, ugly Amy Gorilla Hands Fowler to be his girlfriend. He could have been with that Monkey Princess or that Martha girl Raj told me about or that Ramona, but no, it was me!"** _

YES! I chose her! Only her!  **Finally**  she gets it! Pfft, I didn't even think once about Lalita or Martha, or Ramona after I kicked her out. The idea of being with one of them in a romantic relationship is simply ridiculous. Repellant even and I-

Oh, she's saying more.

_**"You know who put in in kissing in the Relationship Agreement? He did! He kissed me on that train, and I know for a fact he didn't run off and rinse with mouthwash. He liked it! Imagine that! That night on the couch, he was going to kiss me again! You and Bernie can just stop making me feel like no one will love me. He loves me in his own way. The only way he knows how…"** _

I did put kissing in the agreement. So you see Amy! Here's your proof that I don't want just a relationship of the mind anymore as you wrote in that text yesterday. How could you have forgotten that?!

What other ways are there to love somebody?

_**"Ames… I'm sorry. Hey wait, what did Bernie say to you?"** _

_**"She said I was just upset about her posing for a magazine and show her sexuality because no one wants me to show mine…"** _

That tiny mean-

_**"** **That bitch!"** _

Exactly!

_**"You just said the same thing!"** _

_**"** **_NO_ I didn't! I said Sheldon is the problem, not you! I mean Stuart wanted to date you!"** _

Ugh! Don't remind me.

Hey! I'm not 'the' problem!

_**"Yeah… that's true..."** _

_**"** **_And_ that rock guy… what's his name?"** _

Huh? What rock guy?

_**"** **Bert…but I would never-"** _

BERT?! Who is Bert?!

_**"** **_And_ that Saudi guy! He asked you to marry him!"** _

OH! I totally forgot that she already IS engaged! That cannot be!

_**"Yes, but that was just for donations! Not love!"** _

_**"** **_Speaking_ of love, even creepy Doctor Lorvis fell in love with you!"** _

EXCUSE ME?! The nice doctor too? Did he lock me up in his fabulous play room to go after  **my**  Amy?! That son of a cheap street worker!

_"Did you know about that, Leonard?"_

_"Uhm... Well..."_

_"AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?! Amy is apparently surrounded by cavaliers ALL THE TIME and no one thought about telling me?! What kind of friends are you people?!"_

_"Sheldon, Amy would never-"_

_"Didn't you listen?! She thinks I wouldn't find her attractive, that I wouldn't love her and appreciate her. All she's waiting for is a 'normal' man to finally have sex with her, and it sure looks like there is a LONG line of potential candidates just waiting for her to pick one!"_

Oh no, now I remember that even Kripke was suspiciously nice to her when she helped him with her mathematics.

Good Lord, is EVERYONE in love with my girlfriend?!

Not that it is surprising. She has a way of pontificating her way into people's hearts.

I won't have that! She's mine and mine alone! Time to remind her of that!

_"Where are you going Sheldon?!"_

_"This break ends NOW!"_

_"Stay here! They cannot know that we eavesdropped on them!"_

_"I DON'T CARE!"_

_"Sheldon, I am telling you. If you go over there now and make a scene, Amy **will** break up with you for good."_

_"You expect me to do NOTHING?!"_

_"Yes! Besides, I do know how you feel. I am used to men ogling Penny where ever we go. I am used to get looked at like I am some freak that put her on drugs or something, because otherwise she would never be with someone like me. I still feel insecure at times, but deep down I know that Penny doesn't care about those men and that she only loves me. And I am sure Amy doesn't care about those guys as well and only wants to be with you."_

Does she? Really? She didn't sound like it though.

_"You think so?"_

_"Hey, otherwise she would have dumped your sorry ass years ago."_

Fair point.

_"Yeah... She would have... Okay, Let's hear what they are talking about now."_

I truly hope their conversation will move on from other men trying to ensnare my Amy, and back to me and our 'situation'.

_**"** **Oh… how nice. Say thank you from us."** _

What's nice? Say thank you to whom?

_**"** **_Ames_! Those guys bought us drinks! Aren't you thrilled?"** _

I'M IN HELL!

Is she thrilled?!

_**"** **Nah… When I went to the science conference with Bernadette, the same thing happened. No big deal."** _

THIS IS A REGULAR THING?!

_"THAT'S IT!"_

_"SHELDON NO!"_

_"Let go of my arm! I need to find these creeps who are buying alcoholic beverages for my girlfriend! Don't you even care?"_

_"I do, but that doesn't mean anything. Penny and Amy wouldn't-"_

_"You kissed someone else while being drunk!"_

_"But I'm an ass! Neither is Penny nor Amy!"_

_"I am warning you Leonard, let – go – of – me!"_

_"No! You stay HERE! Look, there are two guys coming over to their table."_

_"These must be the low lifes who bought them the drinks. I'll show them what they get for hitting on my woman! I'm from Texas!"_

_"They're tall, Sheldon."_

_"I'm taller."_

_"They look strong."_

_"I'm stronger."_

_"Sheldon you can't take out two guys. You don't fight!"_

_All these hours playing boxing on the Wii weren't a waste!_

_"Watch me, Leonard."_

_"You faint from seeing your own blood!"_

DRAT!

_"Then I just have to make sure that I won't bleed! Let go of my arm now!"_

_"Come on! Let us just wait here and see what happens. If we need to interfere, we will then. Okay?"_

_"NO!"_

_**"** **Hello ladies. I see you are enjoying the drinks. "** _

OH GOD! I can't see what's happening! Is she enjoying the drink?! Geez! Leonard has his hands pretty tightly wrapped around my arms. Who knew that he is that strong?

_**"** **_Thank_ you but you didn't have to do that. I'm engaged and she is… well… on a break."** _

WHY DID PENNY TELL THEM THAT?!

_**"** **_Oh_ a break. I love breaks. Enjoy the drinks. Think of it as payment for the view. I must say, I do love yellow."** _

OH DEAR GOD! I'M DYING! I'm having a heart attack! Something is wrong! It beats too fast and my face is too hot!

_"Leonard! Let go of me NOW!"_

_"Will you promise not to do something stupid?"_

_"I NEVER do something stupid!"_

_"Sheldon, your face is unnaturally red. Are you feeling all right?"_

_"No! And how can you be so calm?!"_

_"Penny just told them that she's engaged. I think the message is clear."_

_"Yeah, well, 'great' for you! She also told them that Amy and I are on a break! What message sends that, huh?!"_

_"Sorry..."_

_"THEY will be sorry when I kick their- LEONARD! I am warning you for the last time. LET – GO – OF – ME!"_

_"JUST LISTEN! The women are handling them all on their own, you'll see!"_

_**"** **Well, you might want to change the color of yellow. You would get lower insurance rates. Oh and I have a car, so I am good on that front. Thank you."** _

Ugh! It's a car salesman! As if he would ever be good enough for my Amy! How delusional!

Although, he's probably perfectly ordinary and 'normal', which she seems to appreciate a lot. Is she considering to-

HELL NO! I won't let her consider anything!

_"Sheldon! Stay here! Dammit! They will see you!"_

I didn't know that blood can boil inside one's body, but it apparently can... and it feels strangely good. I am so going to rip that cretin apart who dares to stare at my Amy like she's some piece of meat. She's MY piece of meat! So you better prepare yourself to-

_**"** **This dress is just… so… God you have a great ass!"** _

HE TOUCHED HER! YOU'RE SO DEAD!

Oh, where is the red light coming from all of a sudden? Ah, who cares that everything looks red. I have to kill—

**(SMACK!)**

SHE HIT HIM! YAY! He's on the ground… Kick him, Amy! Kick him hard! No? Too bad. Wait…YES!  **THAT'S**  MY CUTE LITTLE LUMP OF WOOL!

_**"Don't you dare touch me! I have a boyfriend!"** _

_**"** **_Well_ , where is he, huh? She said you were on a break!"** _

I AM RIGHT HERE!

_"Sheldon, stay away from there! You're going to make things worse."_

_"I cannot let some man assault her and do NOTHING about it!"_

_" **She**  did something about it and hit him so bad, she broke his nose! You clearly have nothing to worry-"_

_"Shhh!"_

_**"...Damn that hurts! Besides, where is your perfect boyfriend now, huh?"** _

_**"** **_At home, solving the mysteries of the universe on a level you could never understand! He has the most brilliant_ mind and would know enough to buy a yellow car! He's kind, sweet and caring. He cares for me when I am sick, he is loyal, and the most fun guy I have ever known!"** _

Am I smiling? Of course I am. She still loves me! Oh, how happy that makes me! SO happy!

_**"** **_Then_ why are you on a break!?"** _

Good question. Why Amy? Why are we on this stupid break and in this hellhole and not together at home doing something nice? Like making up for the missed Date Nights?

_**"** **_Because_ … because… "** _

Yes? Because...? Get it out already!

_**"** **_Because_ … I don't know if I can go on loving him more than he is capable of loving me. That's why. Excuse me…"** _

What did she say? Does she really not know how much I love her?

Is she leaving? I can't let her leave like that!

_"Sheldon wait! Where are you going?"_

_"I have to tell her, Leonard! I have to tell her she's wrong! SO WRONG!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. :)
> 
> Will Sheldon find Amy? Will they finally talk? Will this moronic break ever end? Will Shamy be happy again? Stay tuned to find out!


	11. Sheldon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter takes place the same time as the last.

 

There are too many people here! She'll be gone if I don't get out of this hellhole fast!

_"GET OUT OF MY WAY!"_

Ugh! All these empty drunken faces staring back at me. I truly hate this place. I don't belong here and neither does Amy.

Finally the exit! Where is she?

Ah, over there! Oh no! She's getting into a cab! Drat!

I need a cab! My yellow shirt should attract one. They're the same color after all!

Does that even make sense? Ugh, I'm so tired!

Oh good, there is one coming around the corner.

_"You need to follow that cab over there! Fast!"_

I don't care about speed limits and safety right now!

_"Dude, no chasing cars!"_

_"That's my girlfriend in there and she's upset! Follow her! NOW!"_

_"Does this girlfriend of yours have an address?"_

_"Oh, right. 1592 Glenoaks Blvd, Glendale."_

Finally we're moving! What a relief. I need to speak to Amy! I need to tell her that she is wrong.

Wrong about what exactly? What should I say? She said  _'I don't know if I can go on loving him more than he is capable of loving me.'_

Is this what she believes? That I wouldn't love her as much as she loves me? That I wouldn't be capable of loving her as much as she loves me?

I don't know what she means by that. I am capable of loving her…more than capable.

She sounded pretty certain that she would love me more than I love her. Why? How much does she love me? How does one measure love in the first place? How does one know that one loves the other more? Does she love me differently as I love her? How come that she apparently knows so much about love?

As far as I know, I am the first man she ever loved. Is there a right and a wrong way to love someone? Who decides whether one way of love is right or wrong? I don't know.

I just know that love is the most confusing emotion of them all. The  **most**  confusing part is that it is also the  **best**  feeling of them all. I love being in love with Amy and to feel loved by her is equally pleasant. I truly don't understand why she said she had to 'guess' my feelings. I told her that I loved her, and when I have a feeling I know it. She knows this to be true, so I would never have said it if it wouldn't be so. She has no reason to question my feelings for her.

Why does she then?

Okay, it took me a while to figure it out and even longer to say it. I wonder when I would have said it on my own. Would I have said it?

Surely I would have told her... I think...eventually...I hope. But I  **showed**  her my love, didn't I? She must have known long before I said it, that I am in love with her...right?

Did I show her my love?

Is it possible that maybe what I showed and what she saw are not the same things?

Sometimes she confuses me. Maybe she feels confused by me too, but what could it be though, that she would find confusing? I find my actions perfectly clear.

Maybe it's not important what  **I**  find clear.

Maybe I should think more about what  **she**  finds clear...or more to the point, unclear.

She said I would never put her first and that my needs matter more than hers. I guess that means that she thinks she wouldn't be a priority for me. How can she think that now? When we don't speak at least twice a day, I feel incomplete. When I don't see her as it is stipulated, I feel unsettled. She's the most important part of my routine. When she is not there, everything else falls apart.

Since this break things don't function as they should anymore. My bowels are now far from the efficiency of a German train schedule. My tea always taste like the cheap crap they sell at Burger King, and I think I have felt moments of pain by my wisdom teeth. Not to mention that the rest of my whole body seems to shut down.

**I**  am not functioning.

I am  **completely**  lost without her. How come she doesn't know how much I need her to be happy?

Oh, here I am back thinking about my needs and not hers. What does Amy need? Do I know? Did she tell me? Did I listen?

I don't know.

What did I say to her though, that would make her question my feelings and her significance for my whole existence?

Maybe I shouldn't have said that often how I would go back and forth on this relationship thing.

Maybe I shouldn't have tried to find loopholes so often to get out of Date Nights.

How would  **I**  have felt when  **she** would have told me all the time that she doesn't want to do this or that with me, even though she knows how important it is to me?

Not good. Not good at all. She always agrees to do what I want. Which movie to watch, to which museum to go, to which restaurant... over and over again she gave in when I dismissed her propositions. I didn't even think about it because I was just relieved to have avoided suffering through something that was sure to be lame.

For some mysterious reason, she finds _'Star Wars'_ lame, but she still baked the Death Star cake for me and watched the movies. All six of them. She didn't complain at all- well, not too much.

While I remember whining for hours after she made me watch one of her boring romance movies for once. I complained longer than the movie was.

She's always so happy when she can make me happy. She smiles so brightly and her eyes shine like stars. What did I do for her only to make her happy and not me?

Anything?

Anything at all?

No, I did nothing! What I did do was to lament more. I whined about the hand holding, the hugging, and her talking too much. Why did I even say that?! I love her voice and I could listen to her for hours!

I do like holding her small hand. It's so soft and warm in mine. I like holding  **her** _ **.**_  Hugging doesn't feel like being trapped by a boa constrictor anymore, it feels good. Great even.

Just like kissing feels great.

She said to Penny that I would only kiss her on Date Nights and only for thirty seconds. She said that in an accusing manner, but I don't know why. We negotiated the length when we amended the Relationship Agreement. I found that a pretty smart move. Half a minute kissing!  **Never**  less!  **Every**  week! I thought that it was genius.

Although, maybe she really thinks that I just kiss her because I have to. Maybe she thinks I just do it to silence her or to get her off my back with her wanting us to move forward intimately.

Maybe I should have told her how much I enjoy kissing her. Maybe I should have told her about how sometimes it is  **all**  I think about. Maybe I should have told her that in the back of my head I count every hour, minute, and second every week until I can kiss her again.

A few times I considered changing the Relationship Agreement to add more kisses. A few more times than that I was even close to say something about this to her. I never did. Why?

Yes, I need more time to process this part of our relationship. Physical intimacy.

I am almost there to take the final step with her. I know I am.

Making out on the couch was a start. I thought she knew that, but maybe she doesn't. She said to Penny and in her text message from yesterday that she doubts that I find her sexually appealing.

How so? I know that she... uhm... desires me. I know that to be true for a long time now. Until her, no one ever had interest in me like that and I couldn't have cared less.

But I care now. She has made her interest  **very**  clear and it scares and pleases me at the same time. How would  **I** feel, if I thought that  **she**  doesn't find me attractive? Would I care about it now?

I would. I like that she thinks I'm  _'sex on a stick'_. I see how sometimes her gaze goes up and down on me and I see her eyes getting darker along the way. It makes me feel all sorts of upheavals in my belly, but I love it. The wanton thoughts I have then are very distracting, but I like it all the same.

Maybe she would like it too. Maybe she would like to know how much she lights my hind brain on fire and how I have to fight to keep my composure. Maybe she would like to hear what unseemly things I want to do-

Maybe I should  **not**  tell her about that after all. That's no appropriate way to think about and definitely no proper way of talking to one's girlfriend.

Girlfriend... She said to Penny that 'at least' Leonard asked her to marry her. That sounded like she thinks that I would never ask her...

Oh! Maybe that's what is never happening in all the DC multiverses! Ahhh, what a good thing it is that I have the fancy ring for her. As soon as I give it to her, she will know that she was wrong with assuming that.

Why would she even think that I would never ask?

Maybe because I yelled at her last year how ridiculous she was when she suggested she could move in with me. Maybe because I said I would rather buy a chainsaw than to buy a house, get married and start a family with her.

I feel sick. I feel a tight huge knot in my stomach and it's growing every second. That's no gastric ulcer after all, is it? A tumor? Can tumors grow with that speed?

Could it be that everyone was right after all? That all the fuss about me mentioning 'The Flash' on our anniversary is because she really believes that I am not committed to her? I think it really could, now that I know that I am the  **worst** boyfriend  **ever**!

I  **never** did anything nice for her just because I wanted to make her happy. I  **never** told her how beautiful she is. I  **never** said how much I enjoy touching and kissing her. No wonder she left me. I wish I could leave myself!

One clear moment all those years ago, when I said that I'm a callous egomaniac and that she'll leave me, and I did  **NOTHING**  to prevent that from happening! Instead I fooled myself with being oh so above all of this emotional mumbo jumbo when I should have been happy and thankful for having the  **best** girlfriend on the planet! The universe!

She said I would love her in my own way. The only way I know how. There is a wrong way after all. Mine! My way is horrible!

She will  **never**  marry me! She will  **never**  want to be wife! She will  **never**  stay with me until the end.

Oh God, here we are. Should I really go upstairs? Will she want to see me? Probably not. I don't want to see myself either.

But I need her to know that I am sorry. That much I should say.

**(Knock Knock Knock)**

_"Amy!"_

The tumor in my belly...

**(Knock Knock Knock)**

_"Amy!"_

... will explode...

**(Knock Knock Knock)**

_"Amy!"_

... any second now...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Stay tuned Folks! Double update!


	12. Amy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter is the second part of a double post and it takes place the same evening as the last.

* * *

How fast can I run in these heels? Not fast enough, it seems.

I need to find a cab. These shoes should attract them, they are the same color for God's sake! Wait, that sounds stupid.

Is that… No! It didn't sound stupid! There's a cab. It worked!

" _Glendale please, 1592 Glenoaks Blvd."_

It was stifling in that bar. Too noisy, too many wolves out on the prowl. I need to stand up for myself more with my friends. NO MORE SLEEZE BARS! Especially laden with handsy men!

Grrrrrr, how dare that cretin touch me? How mortifying that I now have the memory of some sleazy banker with his hands on my buttocks!?

Thank Marie Curie herself that Sheldon didn't see that! The last thing I need right now is to have Sheldon proven right about the combo of myself, alcohol, and a bar with Penny.

I've got to get out of this dress and get an ice pack on my hand. Then, I need to think. I told him I would think. I promised him I would think.

Damn it, I can't think. I miss him too much. He really does love me the only way he can. I want him to change for me because I expect him to be normal.

What would the _'stereotypical'_ normal be like?

Normal is a man who gives you flowers for Valentine's Day instead of fungus that resembles an arm from one of those zombies on that show he likes so much 'Walking Dead'.

Normal is not having the length of time for kisses specified in a legal document.

Normal is a man who does not plan a potential career move to another damn planet without consulting you for your thoughts.

That's what I want, right? Like the swooning hero in my romance novels? A man like my bestie and other girls have?

Oh God…oh hell no!

If it's Sheldon or no one, I would rather have no one. No man can live up to him. Damn it, he's ruined me for average normal men!

A normal man... What would that even be like?

I would hate having a man like that. HA! I've never been able to do normal, so why would I ever want my Sweet Baboo to be?

Normal like that obtuse handsy masher that dared touch me without asking? Sheldon would never do that, he respects me too much.

Would normal be a man who pressures me for sex all the time? Would he think more of me on my back than sitting up with my mind?

Could I even have fun with such a man? Never.

Would he tell me I was beautiful all the time, and then say the same to my bestie while ogling her? A normal man would do that.

Not Sheldon. He doesn't say I'm pretty, but I catch his glances as he looks at me all the time. Why would he look at me if he didn't find me pretty? Why would he have a panic attack just because I put on a fancy dress when he didn't even nod at Penny or the other girls at Prom? Their dresses were more revealing than mine was.

When I read our past through the filter of Sheldon's eyes, would the meaning of his actions be clearer? Everyone says I'm the only one who knows how to read him.

Well, it's true. I know how his mind works. He is processing so much at once that I am surprised he can hold a conversation at all. Kissing me while thinking of 'The Flash'? At least I am in the mix somewhere. I think I've said that once before.

That 'Flash' comment… It had to have meant more. I know him, he must have been thinking of something else. But what? Think Fowler… Think like Sheldon…think like 'The Flash'… Maybe we are going too fast for him? Maybe he was thinking that the commitment was too much for him. Even he can't process all his thoughts. How can I expect him to read mine?

I would do anything for Sheldon. All out of love, I would support him if he changed fields again, or wasted money on a stupid picture book store. I would wait for him to kiss me, but only when he was ready. I would stifle my comments on his lack of understanding of emotional relationships because I know it hurts him not to know everything.

I love him more than anything, but maybe, just maybe, he doesn't know that.

I guess the question I should also be asking is has he changed for me and I've been too caught up in my frustrations to see it? Do I ask too much?

Yes. The answer is 'yes' to both, damn it. I ask him to change for me constantly. I say I want him to grow, but that's just code for change, isn't it?

I'm always whining for a romantic partner, but I don't see the romance I've been given in front of me. I have to contact him twice a day. Not because it's routine, but because I'm embedded as part of his life now. I am part of  **him**. How did I not realize this?

He said nothing changes physical or otherwise, but he DID change. We hold hands, hug, and he even seems to enjoy our Date Nights now that we kiss.

Let's think about this another way. Maybe he counts the seconds of our kisses, not because he wants it over, but because he wants all his due.

If I really love him, I shouldn't constantly ask for change. Instead, I should embrace  **him** and not the fantasy.

Maybe…just maybe…he loves me  **more**  than I love him.

Sure, I've been patient. Most 'normal' women wouldn't have stuck around waiting for scraps of affection, but I am not normal. That was why he chose me and I guess, and in a way, why I chose him.

We aren't normal or ordinary. We are…better.

I'm all over him to change, but have I changed? Yes, but I'm realizing I don't like how.

I feel ashamed that I haven't taken the time to look at what's in front of me. Instead, I get frustrated at what I see as his lack of progress, hoping he will be like the fantasy Sheldon who sleeps with me every night. I just am never happy because I only get joy when we hit a marking post, like I am ticking off a list.

Kissing… check.

Sleep over… check.

Make out session… check.

Instead of enjoying what we are doing together, the entire time I think about how I can whatever activity we are engaging in like how 'normal'couples do it.

God, I think Sheldon is one who needs a break from me right now.

Boy, this taxi is taking his sweet time…

I know all relationships have milestones, sure… and maybe even a natural progression. But I just can't stop thinking about it when we are together. Like there is a goal or a destination in my mind and I won't feel satisfied till the journey is over.

Honestly, what am I missing as I drag him along the way? Am I always hoping for love that is already there, just a different version?

I want the end game for us, but what am I doing to our relationship when I force him to a goal he is not ready for yet? Will the man I find at the end of this journey be the same man I fell in love with at the beginning?

**Finally** , I'm home. Nice job taking Colorado the whole way, Mister Padding the Bill Taxi Driver!

A taxi from Pasadena costs 27 dollars? No wonder Sheldon takes the bus.

He takes the bus. He hates the bus…

He showed up at my house on the bus more than once. In fact he does a lot. He would take the bus during the day, interrupting his quest to unlock the mysteries of the universe just to visit me at UCLA! On the bus, with all the germs and strangers. He did that just to see me! That is one hell of a drive!

Ah, home. Now I can strip off this hooker dress and breathe again… PHEW.

Shoes off too! Yes, I can still wiggle my feet! EVERYTHING OFF! Where is that robe?

One cup of tea, then a bath, and then sleep or I might get sick. Sheldon would take care of… Oh no… he won't.

Damn this running mascara! Time to wash off my face too! Thank God Sheldon never saw me like this. He would hate it all. It is worse than Snow White.

Boy this wash cloth feels good. Almost as good as Sheldon bathing me when I was sick. He never takes care of Leonard when he is sick, but he did of me. Did I ever thank him for that?

Now, that I think about it, no. Instead, I tricked him for cheap thrills with Vicks Vapo Rub. God, to this day, that smell… his hands on my chest...

Damn it, Fowler. Come back to reality.

He didn't want me to know about Mars because I would have said 'no'. Or… because he might not be chosen?

What if he only didn't tell me in case he failed again? He worries what I think of him so much. His confidence is so fragile. That is the hidden secret of Sheldon Cooper I tell no one. I know for a fact that those looks of disappointment the group gives him cut him deeply.

OH NO! I do it too! I give him those looks. Oh my Sweet Baboo!

I never want him to feel like less of man. I admire him so much physically, but most of all, it's his mind and mental drive that is the best aphrodisiac. He will get his Nobel, of that I have no doubt. He works at everything he sets his mind to, and  **never**  gives up.

He tries so hard, but it's not easy putting up with Leonard or those guys. He has to contend with their lack of planning, complete disregard for his feelings, and their constant taunts that he is not a real boy. Well HE IS! He is the best man I've  **ever**  known because it doesn't come easy and he still does it! He takes it all, and stays friends with them.

I  **need**  to tell him. I need to write him back and tell him what I think of him. How I admire him, love him, and will wait for him.

No! I won't 'wait'. Stating that I will wait for him implies that his love is somehow underdeveloped, held back in some way, and that I am expecting him to catch up.

He is most definitely not underdeveloped! He is doing things at his own pace. Love is not a race, it's a journey we should do together, not me pulling him along.

That's it! I will walk with him. He should always be by my side, and I should be at his.

He may not be Mark Darcy or the romantic heroes of my romance novels. He may never be ready for the level of intimacy that I am, but it's more than enough. Its better. I can't wait to see him again. It can't be soon enough.

**(Knock Knock Knock)**

_"Amy!"_

**(Knock Knock Knock)**

_"Amy!"_

**(Knock Knock Knock)**

_"Amy!"_

Okay, that is really weird. I am even hearing his knock. Now I know I am drunk. Damn Zombie drinks! I knew it did something to your brain!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks so much from be me (Hazelra) and QBMaja and MPHS95 as well!


	13. Amy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter takes place the exact time as the last.

Okay, that is really weird. I am even hearing his knock. Now I know I am drunk. Damn Zombie drinks. I knew it did something to your brain!

**(Knock Knock Knock)**

_"AMY!"_

**(Knock Knock Knock)**

_"AMY!"_

**(Knock Knock Knock)**

_"AMY!"_

Hm. This time it sounded real. Could that be? Could he really be here? I better check through the door viewer. If it's just a neighbor or someone they really don't have to see me just in my robe… But it's probably nothi-

Oh my word! There he is!

Oh my God… I am naked under this robe… maybe he doesn't notice… He probably won't notice…

" _Sheldon!"_

Oh he looks so upset. So distraught. I hope he isn't sick or something. I don't care! I just want to hold him.

Oh his hand. I love his hand. I just want to pull him to me. Just a little closer now. " _Why are you here?_ "

" _I need to speak with you! You're wrong Amy!"_

I know I am wrong! I don't need him telling me that! Oh, how pained he looks. I have to tell him what I figured out  **right**  now.

" _Sheldon! I know I am wrong!"_

But I also need to be close to him again so I can take away that idiotic "step back". I need to hold his hand and touch him again. Oh, how I have missed him.

" _I just wanted to say… I won't wait for you anymore. It's not fair._ " Wait… that sounded better in my head two minutes ago.

I just want to hold him, I don't care. Can we please hug?

Oh, he lets me! I am holding my Cuddles again... I love his scent so much. I love his arm, his waist, his eyes, his back, his  **everything**.

I feel his hand rubbing my back through this thin robe. It feels so close… Does he notice it? It feels so strange to be exposed with him emotionally and physically. I hope he understands what I mean.

" _I hope you understand, Sheldon."_

Why now is he pulling away? Oh no! Don't do that...Please don't go.

" _What do you mean you won't wait for me? You don't need to wait anymore Amy! You ARE WRONG!"_

What is he talking about? I was saying I was wrong to ask for the break, but is he talking about something else? Maybe. God, I am so confused and I miss my snuggle hug!

_"What I mean is that what you said to that pervert in the bar was not right. You were wrong. Very much so in fact."_

Bar? Pervert? Oh dear God, Penny and her big fat mouth! No wait… there is no way she could have told him and he get here in time. Something is rotten in Denmark! How did he get here so fast? FLASH INDEED!

_"How do you know about what happened in the bar? Even if Penny would have called Leonard right away, you could not have been here this fast."_

Why is he saying nothing? It's an easy question… Hm... I don't like the way his eyes are darting around like he is looking for an excuse. This is not a good sign.

_"Sheldon, how do you know what happened?"_

Say something, Sheldon. It better be good.

_"Uhm... Well... You know..."_

Oh no! I think I know what he was doing. Could he have been there? Oh dear Lord, say that he wasn't!

_"Were you spying on me?!"_

_"Only for your safety! You see, you looked so upset the other day in your lab. I heard you talking to brains! I was really very worried about you!"_

I am going to be sick! He spied on me at work too!

Um... Well, so was I... daily... But that is not the point! So not!

I wasn't talking to brains, was I? Maybe… More importantly, he saw that person put his hands on me! Sheldon saw another man touch my butt! Oh no, he must have been so angry. I would be, if I would have seen another woman- No! I don't even want to think about that. No one is allowed to touch my Sweet Baboo but me!

Wait! He also saw me knock his block off! Oh God, I am mortified but he knows I can handle myself now! Huh, maybe it's a good thing?

_"And then I saw you leave the building with Penny and Bernadette, dressed all up in that too short and too tight dress showing off your legs and alluring buttocks and those fancy breasts..."_

Did he just call my breasts fancy? And my butt alluring? Oh my! Hide the smile, Amy! You are supposed to be mad! Teehee… fancy…

_"... and I just wanted to make sure, that nothing bad happens to you."_

I mean, I know this break has been hard on him, but how long has he been doing this? Sheldon isn't a stalker kind of boyfriend. He's more of a " _Have To Remind Him Its Date Night_ " kind of boyfriend.

_"So you were following me?"_

Wow, that was so thoughtful of him. He cared enough to follow me to make sure I was safe.

Wait a minute! NO! Not pleased to be followed! I know he was being protective, but not to the extent to turn into a stalker!

Well…I am not supposed to be either, but frankly I would do the same thing.

Makes me wonder if he rubbed his pheromones all over my apartment when he broke in that one night? I bet he did! No wonder I can't get enough of his scent! God that is so hot!

Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be mad... Look mad...

_"I might have..."_

Oh no, he did! How much did he hear? Was he there during my whole conversation with Penny?

_"So the whole time you were in the bar too?"_

He could have heard all the things Penny said about my sweet little Shelly Bean! Oh no, all the terrible things  **I** said about him! Ohhh, now I'm starting to feel sick.

God, this is so humiliating. Please say you weren't in the bar the whole time. Please say no.

_"Probably... Yes..."_

I should choke the lanky son of a…

_"But Amy that is not the point. The point is that I thought about our relationship a lot lately and on my way here I realized that you were right all along. I mean, you were wrong with what you said to the pervert, but right with me being a bad boyfriend to you."_

Bad Boyfriend? I never said that! I said I love him more than he loves me, but that's not his fault! It's not a contest! It's one thing to eavesdrop, it's another to get all the information wrong! Who am I kidding? I am the one who is wrong. I need to tell him again, so he understands!

" _No, Sheldon. I was wrong about so much about our relationship and what you do for me. I was wrong to ask you to be something you are not. I was pushing you, trying to mold you into some perfect fantasy boyfriend! I should have realized that you were already that person. You are perfect, Sheldon. Perfect for me!"_

Oh his face, he is so confused. But he is grabbing me, holding onto my waist. I love that.

" _No Amy! I am not! Listen, you were wrong about saying I love you less than you love me, but the rest..."_

What is he saying? He doesn't listen! I need some distance to make him understand. He won't let me pull away! Boy, he is strong, oh my, those hands of his on my hips. Stay focused, Fowler!

" _I am NOT the perfect boyfriend for you!"_

Now, he just is talking crazy! I need to push him away and get through that thick skull of his! Lordy, does he got a grip on me, doesn't he... that's nice...not important right now!

" _Of course you are the perfect boyfriend! You're the best boyfriend!"_

He must understand now, right?

" _No I am not! I never do anything nice for you without a reason that benefits me! I never-"_

God he is holding me so tight! Normally I would love this, long for this, but now it's just upsetting me because he isn't listening! I have to talk sense to him! He needs to let me go!

" _Amy! Would you please just let me hold you?"_

OH! HOO! This is a new voice... Well, not exactly new. I know very well when Sheldon commands others to do things, but in this context... HOO!

He's right, I can hold him and still talk to him. Oh, how I love wrapping my arms around him. He is so strong. God has he got some muscles under these shirts! Since when did Sheldon Cooper get deltoid muscles?

What does it feel like when my hands check out his back—ooohhh my! His shoulder blades are strong. I should just hold onto his waist, the rest is too tempting. Much too tempting. I can just snuggle on his chest.

" _Okay Sheldon! But I-"_

" _No buts! I was not finished yet. Listen! I never compliment you or tell you often enough how I feel about you. I never say how I love kissing you or how pretty I think you are. You should know that Amy instead of having to guess. I don't deserve you!"_

Deserve me? Of course he does! Every breath in me wants to scream at him, I don't deserve him! I need to see his eyes.

" _NO! I never should have expected that from you! That's not how you are. I know that better than anyone. I should have never asked for a romantic weekend on Valentine's Day, or expected intimacy at all! You said you wanted a relationship of the mind and I pushed and pulled you toward something you never wanted. You're not Rice Sheldon!"_

" _Rice Sheldon? Amy you're not making sense again! I'm so glad I followed you if your addled brain is going to start going wacky! Did you not listen to what I said? I was a horrible boyfriend to you!"_

Did he just say " _Addled brain_?" Way to ruin the mood, AGAIN! Oh Mister, you have no idea what my supposed addled brain is thinking now. I hope I don't leave scars digging my claws in his back, but right now, I don't care!

" _I am in full possession of my facilities, thank you very much! It is YOU who are not listening to me! For years I have been disappointed with our relationship because I've always wanted more, and I thought it was your fault. It never was because it was mine to expect it and that's not fair to you! I said I would wait for you, but I never should have said that. You never should have to wait for a person if you REALLY accept how they are. I am the worst girlfriend ever!"_

He never listens to me! It's maddening! Stubborn man!

" _Amy! You are really taxing my patience here. I already told you, I_ _ **am**_ _the worst boyfriend! Don't you ever listen, woman! I don't deserve you!"_

Okay, now I'm getting pissed off…really pissed off!

He is ignoring EVERYTHING I am saying and just parroting back to me all my confessions! I said I WAS the worst girlfriend, not the other way around. Am I in this conversation alone? It wouldn't be the first time with him. Worst boyfriend? What a bunch of malarkey! I am going to have to spell it out for him.

" _Sheldon! I've always asked you to do things you hate. I never give you credit for what you've done_ _for me_ _. You give me affection and I just want more. I expect a man like you, who has trouble with physical contact to turn into to some Casanova because of a train kiss! Instead of appreciating what I have, I've expected you compliment me and to want me physically. You have said time and time again you didn't want it or you weren't ready. I didn't listen because all I cared about was reaching my goal of the perfect man who will love me unconditionally. You already do love me that way if you had to put up with this crap for so long."_

Is he even listening? He is just rubbing my back and giving me some strange look. Did he zone out again? If he talks about the Flash or any other space nonsense right now, I think I will kick in his shins. Boy his hands are so warm...hot even.

Focus Fowler!

" _Get it now, Sheldon? Geez!"_

" _Amy, you were not wrong to expect all of this. You do deserve a boyfriend who gives you all that you want. I should have told you were pretty more than once so it would never have been a doubt. I pushed you away, not because you aren't desirable, but because you were too much so...I never should have brought up 'The Flash' when we were kissing. I know that now. I do."_

I wish he would kiss me now. It's not the end of a date, or any other reason. I just want him to kiss me. Does he even realize that? Can he see that when I look at him. I will look at his mouth, oh those thin beckoning lips. Can he see the longing I have for him, or is he ignoring it?

No, I need to control it because he doesn't want that now. I need to think about what HE wants, not my wants.

What does he want? He probably wants to slow things down. I bet that was what that comment was about! God, I am a genius, I figured out what Sheldon was thinking! I should have done this before. I was so focused on what I wasn't getting I never realized what he needed. Now I know.

" _You were just worried about us going too fast, like the Flash. I know that now. I do. I'm sorry I blew up over it. I never should have asked for this break, or at least let it go for so long. I know it confused you and I refused to speak to you. I know you need closure, and I withheld it. I'm sorry. I know what you want, Sheldon. I understand what you were saying about 'The Flash'. We are moving too fast. We can slow down now, Sheldon. I need to be happy with what I have, not what I think I should have. "_

" _No, you're wrong again with this assumption, Amy. I was not worried about going too fast when I asked you that. I was thinking about commitment. I don't want to slow down. I want…"_

What is that look? He is giving me a look I've never seen before. Is that…longing? Do I look like that when I stare at him? What did he mean, he wants… What?

" _It's so warm here, Amy. Did you turn up the heater? Are you feeling all right? You look hot."_

Sheldon thinks I look hot?!

" _I do?"_

I really feel hot. Hotter than I have ever been. God, those eyes of his roaming over me. It's like an oven next to him and I love it.

" _Yes, your cheeks are reddish and your eyes… I don't know. It's like they're glowing. Are you sick maybe?"_

I am not sick, but I wish I was. I wish I was sick every day just to get him to give me a bath again. What was that about the heater? I want to know what he wanted.

" _No, I am not sick and I didn't turn up the heater. It is warm in here though. What do you want Sheldon?"_

" _Hm?"_

I wish I knew what he's thinking…maybe not. Why doesn't he remember what he said just a few seconds ago? What is up with him? He's still looking strangely at me.

" _You didn't finish your sentence. What do you want?"_

I know what I want. I want him. I want him to be with me forever. I want to quit being the one who is always the one wanting more. Being with him is enough. This is just enough.

" _I want us to be happy. I want_ you _to be happy with me as I am with you. I thought you were. When we took the test and scored an 8.2, you agreed that it would be proof for how suitable we are for each other. But all the things you said to Penny in the bar…"_

Oh dear, he did hear all of that. I never wanted him to know that. I figured all that out on my own. He doesn't need to hear that old stuff. None of that matters now.

" _Sheldon…"_

" _Even I understand that it means that you are not happy. More so, that I make you feel miserable. On my way here I realized that everything you said was true."_

Don't listen to that sh—guano! I worked all that out, please. I need to explain.

" _Sheldon no. I_ _ **already**_ _said that I-"_

" _I just wish you would have told me sooner_ _how unhappy you are with_ _me."_

That is just not true! I am happy with him. More than I have ever been in my life. I just got wrapped up in wanting romance and flowers and those things I've read about in my books that I keep by the bed. I wanted a man to sweep me off my feet and carry me to the bedroom. I wanted a man who couldn't be near me without wanting me to peel my clothes off.

I thought I wanted all that romance stuff, but all I really want is him. All I really need is Sheldon Cooper to love me and I have that!

I've been a fool.

" _I am not unhappy with you. I am happy! I just…well, I just read too many romance novels and I let myself influence from Penny and Bernadette's stories about all the romantic things Leonard and Howard do for them. It made me blind to see all the things you do for me."_

_"I obviously didn't do enough for you if you had to question my feelings for you."_

I didn't see what he was doing for me! He has to understand that now.

_"No, I didn't do enough to appreciate what you-"_

_"No! I DID say mean things to you and I can clearly see now how that made you feel. I said I_ _wish you dead_ _when you were only trying to help me with my pathological need for closure."_

That was ages ago! That means nothing!

" _You were just frustrated, Sheldon…"_

" _I wanted to ruin Christmas for you like the Grinch! I wanted you to suffer for making me celebrate it. Then I applied to Mars without speaking with you about it. Even though everyone told me that I should."_

" _We worked all that out, Sheldon!"_

Everything is different now. He has to see that.

" _I should have called you and spoke to you in person before that train trip last summer."_

Oh that. I remember like it was yesterday, and frankly, that did hurt. He spoke with Penny and Leonard, but couldn't call me. I was just an afterthought once he was already on the train. I knew he was leaving me specifically, not just his problems. I was just part of his problems. It was me wanting more that pushed him away, I know that now. He mocked our future. He never said goodbye.

I should have told him how much that hurt. I know I should have said it then, but I couldn't. He tried so hard when he got back with that survey. He was so happy we scored so high. He only groused a little when he made up for the dates he missed.

He didn't call me to pick him up when he was in trouble and said nothing about leaving me. That's what really hurt. It was like it meant nothing to him. I should have told him. I know that now.

" _I should have let you know how upset I was about the train trip from the beginning. I told you I was angry that you didn't call me to pick you up, but I never really told you how when you left it hurt me as well. I guess…I should have said something, but I know you just needed time."_

" _No! You are always making excuses for me and defending my callous actions instead of calling me out for them. That needs to stop, Amy! You need to tell me right away when I am wrong!"_

He's kind of sexy when he yells at me, but I better not get used to that. There is no way I would tell him every time he does something wrong, because I would be a nag. I don't want to be that way anymore! I want to be a better girlfriend. I have done some terrible things too! He is not mentioning that!

_"I don't do the right_ _things either, and you hold your tongue as well. I called our perfect Relationship Agreement 'ridiculous'! I told you that I can understand that people find you 'annoying', when you are really the most lovable person ever! I was complaining ALL THE TIME about the lack of physical intimacy! We were working on it because you loved me, but I was just forcing you to do it. I promise_ _that I won't do that anymore. We can stop it all!"_

_"But I like physical intimacy!"_

_"No, you don't!"_

_"I do!"_

_"NO! YOU DON'T"_

_"I DO!"_

_"Sheldon! I remember clearly what you said-"_

_"Amy!"_

_"Yes?"_

_"Would I hold you like this, if I didn't like it?!"_

He has been holding me that whole time. I don't think we have ever been this close for this long before.

" _You mean you're doing it because you like it?"_

Could he really like holding me like this? I know I do, but this is Sheldon.

" _Uh huh."_

" _Not because you have to?"_

It has to be from obligation, no other explanation, but I can't remember any right now. It must still be the alcohol messing with my memory…

" _Amy, as you very well should know, there is no clause in the Relationship Agreement that states one has to hug one's argumentative girlfriend while she is wearing a paper thin robe. I think I need my IPad so I can add it though."_

He wants to add that?! YAY! Wait, paper thin robe? So he did notice and still wants to hold me? What does that mean?

Anyway. Boy, would I like to add a few things to that document too, starting with this holding each other thing. This is so nice. I love this more than anything, even more than kissing. No that's a lie, I love kissing him. Oh but he does smell nice. I love snuggling against his strong chest.

Oh that gives me an idea.

" _Really? You would add that? Can I… add… something, too?"_

" _Like what?"_

" _When you hold me like this, can I place my head on your chest and wrap my arms around you?"_

" _Sounds reasonable. Now will you get this out of your head that I don't like physical intimacy?"_

" _I thought I was pushing you into it, Sheldon. I realize that is unfair."_

I'm always the needy girlfriend. I need to be happy with what I have. I don't want to be needy anymore.

" _Now Amy, what is unfair is that you **have**  to push me. I have fought it in the past, sure, but I've worked on it a lot. Especially in the last few months."_

He has been wonderful the last few months, it's true. But that night, I realized I will always be the one wanting more, never him. He doesn't want more, and I need to accept that, or let him go. I can't let him go. I can  **never**  let him go.

" _You have. I know that. I just thought, it took so long. Each step I would have to pull you, and I don't want that Sheldon. I don't want to spend another five years begging for affection and your appreciation. That was what I wanted to think about when I took a step back. Can I do that, hope for your affection for years more? The answer is, I always had enough. I just needed to see it through your eyes."_

" _Do you want more?"_

" _Want? Yes. Expect? Not anymore."_

" _You have been more than patient with me. You said that to me on Skype. I disagreed then, but I do see now that you were indeed very understanding with me…"_

That look again. Oh that can melt me. His eyes are locked onto me and I'm frozen. What is that, his hand? On my face, oh it's so sweet. It's like he cherishes me with his touch. Wait, he is also playing with my robe tie, could that be? I was not expecting that.

"… _I think it is time I did what you don't expect."_

He's kissing me! Oh, those lips of his, I am done for! God I missed this! Actually, I can't say I missed this because he has  **never**  kissed me like this before.

This is so… so…oh God… I can barely breathe.

Mmm. I'm moaning! This feels so great. I want time to stop. I want this to last forever.

He is moving his lip over mine, like he is mapping me. Oh God this feeling! I have to grasp for some air, I will open my mouth for a moment. We have never…

Was that his tongue? Oh dear God in heaven, it was! Mmm. He had to have heard that, but I don't care.

I have never felt like this before. I have to hold him, touch him, and feel him. He won't mind if I touch his neck, would he?

Hoo, he's moaning now. I love this sound! Do that again, Sheldon! God, I can't get enough of that tongue of his. His shoulders are so strong, but that neck! I'd love to taste that neck of his, but I can't even think straight, this kiss is weakening my knees.

Is he? Did he just undo my robe?! Oh yes, Sheldon touch me everywhere! Oh God, he really  **is**  touching me. SHELDON IS TOUCHING ME! Am I dreaming? This is the best dream ever!

Oh, he is touching my stomach with his soft hands and it feels sooooo good! Is his hand moving up my ribs? Yes! He is going to touch my back! Oh my! That's  **not**  my back! Sheldon is really touching my chest! I am standing here with Sheldon Cooper touching my chest and kissing me like something out of a romance novel.

Screw that, this is better than any romance novel I've ever read! Rice Sheldon need to go get cooked, this is the man I want. God he is a good kisser! I think my knees are finally giving out. He is pulling back thank God because I need air right now. Just a moment. Just a little air.

" _Amy? Uhm… Do you feel all right?"_

He wants me to talk right now? He must be nuts after all. I can barely breathe. I better just nod.

" _Did you… uhm… like it?"_

Did I like it? How can I tell him I loved it! I should nod again since speaking is too hard at the moment.

" _Would you like to… continue? Just nod if-"_

Continue? Oh God, yes. More nods. Sheldon wants to continue!  **More**  nods!

I just realized I'm nearly naked in the living room. I am going to faint, I know it _._

" _Maybe…uhm…we could…go into your…bedroom?"_

This is a dream, right? I drank too much and I really am sleeping… right?

Or not?

Did he really just ask to go to the bedroom? Sheldon, did you ask me that? Oh I'm not speaking. Don't ruin it by speaking Amy, just say yes. Better, just nod again. I can do that.

" _Good. So, do you want to have coitus now or should we wait for the wedding night?"_

What did he say?

Wedding, what?  _ **What did he just say?**_  I am dreaming. Obviously. Oh, too bad.

No, this feels too real for a dream. Then that kiss knocked the cognitive functionality out of my brain. It must have because I can't breathe now. Maybe I misheard. What did he really say?

" _Um…what?"_

" _Well, it's tradition for the bride and groom to_ _consummate the marriage on the first night…"_

WHAT? Consummate? Marriage?

Wait! Think Fowler! Would Sheldon really talk about wedding and sex in the same sentence? NO! Never! So what is going on here?

" _As you know, I am usually a stickler for the rules."_

He is. I still don't understand what's going on here. Is he still fumbling with my robe?

" _However, social mores have changed regarding this… um… tradition… but I am not sure…"_

What? Is he teasing me?

Something is amiss here. Sheldon would not talk about getting married, having sex while he tries to get me naked at THE SAME TIME! So it is a dream after all?

"…  _how traditional… you want to_ _go… now that the wedding is soon anyway."_

Wedding… SOON? This can't be real. That kiss must have been a dream. I am going to wake up and be in a bath after coming home from a night with Penny. It's those darn Zombie drinks! I knew it! They suck the brain cells out of you! I am arguing with dream Sheldon now, I know it.

Better be sure though…

" _Wait… you want to marry me?!"_

I don't think even Dream Sheldon should see me naked, that would be cheating. He sure looks like my Sheldon though, but with a strange leer.

" _Ummm…."_

" _Are you asking me to marry you? Like RIGHT NOW? And most importantly, FOR REAL?"_

If he is real, could he really be asking me like this? This can't be real.

" _Oh… yeah… I forgot that part, huh?"_

What is he doing in his pocket? Is that…oh my God, is that is a ring? IT IS! OH – MY – GOD!  _"Ohhhh…"_

I am going to….

" _AMY!"_

…fain-

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From Hazelra7: Thanks again folks for all your support. A special shout out to my ladies, QBMaja and MPHS95, wonderful Fan Fic award winners! I'm so proud to know them and to work with them on this FF. Thanks to you all!
> 
> Addendum from mphs95:
> 
> Add Hazelra7 to that list, who collected several Fan Fic Awards for her cool stories! The other members of the Collective wish to congratulate her as well.


	14. Sheldon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still the same night as the one before...

Drat! She is not opening the door!

I know she's home, because I can see the light through the door crack. She has to talk to me! No, she only has to listen!

**(Knock Knock Knock)**

_"AMY!"_

**(Knock Knock Knock)**

_"AMY!"_

**(Knock Knock Knock)**

_"AMY!"_

I can hear her footsteps. She's coming closer! Oh, please Lord, don't let me die now! I just need a few more minutes with my Amy!

There she is!

She looks so... beautiful... only wearing that robe. Wait, she also looks distraught. Is it because of what happened in the bar?

Or… is it because she doesn't want to see me? I know, she doesn't want to  **be**  with me anym-

Is she NAKED under the robe?!

DEAR GOD, PLEASE NO HEART ATTACK NOW!

" _Sheldon_ _!"_

Oh! She took my hand! That's good, right? I love her hand. So tiny, soft, warm, and- Oh! She's pulling me closer! That's even better, right? I just want to hug her! Can we hug please?

" _Why are you here?"_

Why is her voice trembling? Did she cry? She must have, her face looks so tear-dimmed.

Shut up tumor! No need to make all funny feelings now! I need to take care of sad Amy!

" _I need to speak with you! You're wrong Amy!"_

Oh no! I didn't say it right! She looks even sadder now... Oh, my cute little lump of-

Boy... there is  **no**  wool now. There is just the robe and nothing underneath.

Wait! That is  **so**  not important right now!

" _Sheldon! I know I am wrong!"_

Good! So she knows that I  **am**  capable of loving her as much as she loves me? What a relief!

Then why does she still look so sad?

Oh. She's pulling at my hand.

" _...I just wanted to say..."_

Should I take a step closer? I think, I should...

_"I won't wait for you anymore. It's not fair."_

She's hugging me! This feels so good...  **she**  feels so good. She's so... close... without the usual layers of clothing.

This feels familiar, but also new. I like how she feels...  **so**   **close**... I can feel her warm skin under the thin fabric. There are her shoulder blades under my hands.

Oh, her hair smells lovely...fruity. What fruit is that?

Ohhh, I like feeling the warmth of her cheek on my chest. I wish we could stay like this forev-

" _I hope you understand, Sheldon."_

Huh? Understand what? What did she say? She won't wait for me anymore? What does that mean now? Did she not just say that she knows that she's wrong?

Was this a good-bye hug?! No, that can't be!

" _What do you mean you won't wait for me? You don't need to wait anymore Amy! You ARE WRONG!"_

She looks confused now. I need to elaborate, I guess.

_"What I mean is that what you said to that pervert in the bar was not right. You were wrong. Very much so in fact."_

Uhm... Does she look suspicious now? Why?

_"How do you know about what happened in the bar? Even if Penny would have called Leonard right away, you could not have been here this fast."_

Dang! I totally forgot! She doesn't know that Leonard and I were eavesdropping on them... What should I do now? Just admit it? She will me mad at me... again...

_"Sheldon, how do you know what happened?"_

I better stay vague...

_"Uhm... Well... You know..."_

_"Were you spying on me?!"_

_"Only for your safety! You see, you looked so upset the other day in your lab. I heard you talking to brains! I was really very worried about you!"_

And her mental health, but I have the feeling I should  **not**  say that...

_"And then I saw you leave the building with Penny and Bernadette, dressed all up in that too short and too tight dress showing off your legs and alluring buttocks and those fancy breasts..."_

Ah! Did I see a hint of a smile on her face? Why though? What did I say?

_"... and I just wanted to make sure, that nothing bad happens to you."_

_"So you were following me?"_

I am not sure how to read the voice of her tone. Is she angry? She doesn't really sound like 'Angry Amy'. Do I have the right to plead the Fifth Amendment here?

_"I might have..."_

_"So the whole time you were in the bar too?"_

I only did it because I care so much about her. Clearly she can see that, right? I still can't make out though, in what mood she is in and that makes me a bit nervous… as if the tumor in my belly wouldn't be unpleasant enough.

Ah, 'Impatient Amy' is waiting for my answer, so I better admit it straightforward.  _"Probably... Yes."_

I also better just get out what I have to say, before she can say something... or kick me out. _"But Amy that is not the point. The point is that I thought about our relationship a lot lately and on my way here I realized that you were right all along. I mean, you were wrong with what you said to the pervert, but right with me being a bad boyfriend to you."_

What now? She is looking at me like I said something crazy. I just said the truth!

" _No, Sheldon. I was wrong about so much about our relationship and what you do for me. I was wrong to ask you to be something you are not. I was pushing you, trying to mold you into some perfect fantasy boyfriend! I should have realized that you were already that person. You are perfect, Sheldon. Perfect for me!"_

What is she talking about?! She still does not make any sense. My poor, confused Amy! She needs another hug! Yes, that is what we should do! Come closer, Amy!

" _No Amy! I am not! Listen, you_ were _wrong about saying I love you less than you love me, but the rest..."_

Why is she pulling away from me? She is obviously not well and I just want to hold her. Maybe, I will tighten my grip on her waist. Oh! Her hip bones _..._ interesting... what an fascinating curvature. It fits my hand better than my X-Box controller.

Where was I? Oh yes!

" _I am NOT the perfect boyfriend for you!"_

Oh that's nice how her hands feel on my chest. Wait, why is she pushing me away now? That's not nice at all. I know for a fact that she likes hugging! I know! I will just have to hold onto her tighter. Oh, she really smells nice...

" _Of course you are the perfect boyfriend! You're the_ _ **best**_ _boyfriend!"_

" _No I am not! I never do anything nice for you without a reason that benefits me! I never-"_

Ouch! She is pushing me away too strongly!

" _Amy! Would you please just let me hold you?"_

Huh? I have never seen that look on her face… Did her pupils dilate?! Oho…

" _Okay Sheldon! But I-"_

" _No buts! I was not finished yet. Listen! I never compliment you or tell you often enough how I feel about you. I never say how I love kissing you or how pretty I think you are. You should know that Amy instead of having to guess. I don't deserve you!"_

Maybe I never did.

No, I probably never did. She is flawless and hugging her feels paradisiac. I can feel her warmth, smell her scent, hear her breath-

Is she kidding me?! I thought we agreed that we are hugging now? Why is she looking up at me then? Her head should rest comfortably on my chest. At least her arms are still wrapped around me.

" _NO! I never should have expected that from you! That's not how you are. I know that better than anyone. I should have never asked for a romantic weekend on Valentine's Day, or expected intimacy at all! You said you wanted a relationship of the mind and I pushed and pulled you toward something you never wanted. You're not Rice Sheldon!"_

WHAT?! Who is Rice Sheldon?! Oh boy, it is more severe than I thought! Does she have some degenerative brain disease she caught from her monkeys? My poor crazy Amy…

" _Rice Sheldon? Amy you're not making sense again! I'm so glad I followed you if your addled brain is going to start going wacky! Did you not listen to what I said? I was a horrible boyfriend to you!"_

Uhhh, careful. I feel her fingers digging a tiny bit too deep into my back. I doubt that it is a good sign.

" _I am in full possession of my facilities, thank you very much! It is YOU who are not listening to me! For years I have been disappointed with our relationship because I've always wanted more, and I thought it was your fault. It never was because it was mine to expect it and that's not fair to you! I said I would wait for you, but I never should have said that. You never should have to wait for a person if you REALLY accept how they are. I am the worst girlfriend ever!"_

What is all this malarkey about something being her fault? All is  **my**  fault! I said that now twice! Why won't she just listen?!

" _Amy! You are really taxing my patience here. I already told you, I_ _ **am**_ _the worst boyfriend! Don't you ever listen, woman! I don't deserve you!"_

Uh oh! There is Amy's 'angry face'. I better hold her tight before she starts pushing at me again.

" _Sheldon! I've always asked you to do things you hate. I never give you credit for what you've done_ _for me_ _. You give me affection and I just want more. I expect a man like you, who has trouble with physical contact to turn into to some Casanova because of a train kiss! Instead of appreciating what I have, I've expected you compliment me and to want me physically. You have said time and time again you didn't want it or you weren't ready. I didn't listen because all I cared about was reaching my goal of the perfect man who will love me unconditionally. You already do love me that way if you had to put up with this crap for so long."_

She is still talking utter nonsense. Boy that robe is really thin. I think she is getting hotter under it... at least her skin feels warmer under my hands on her waist.

I wonder if she feels warmer up her back too. No, her shoulders are as warm as her waist... or maybe it is me getting warmer?

It is warm in here, is it not?

" _Get it now, Sheldon? Geez!"_

Huh?

Oh! No, I  **do not** get it. It is  **her**  who needs to get it! Do I really need to spell it all out for her to understand?

" _Amy, you were not wrong to expect all of this. You do deserve a boyfriend who gives you all that you want. I should have told you were pretty more than once so it would never have been a doubt. I pushed you away, not because you aren't desirable, but because you were too much so..."_

Way too much...too much to handle sometimes...a lot of the time...most times to be honest... but not right now.

**Fascinating**...

" _I never should have brought up 'The Flash' when we were kissing. I know that now. I do."_

They all were right about this. I should never have asked her such a stupid question while I was kissing her.

I would like to kiss her now. Would she let me? She does not look angry anymore. Now that I am already holding her tightly in my arms, I think it would be an appropriate moment for a kiss. We missed two Date Nights after all. I really think we should-

" _You were just worried about us going too fast, like the Flash. I know that now. I do. I'm sorry I blew up over it. I never should have asked for this break, or at least let it go for so long. I know it confused you and I refused to speak to you. I know you need closure, and I withheld it. I know what you want, Sheldon. I understand what you were saying about 'The Flash'. We are moving too fast. We can slow down now, Sheldon. I need to be happy with what I have, not what I think I should have. "_

Slow down? How much slower does she think this can go?

" _No, you're wrong again with this assumption, Amy. I was not worried about going too fast when I asked you that. I was thinking about commitment. I don't want to slow down. I want…"_

To kiss you, hold you more, and to marry you. I also want to see what's underneath this robe.

" _It's so warm here, Amy. Did you turn up the heater? Are you feeling all right? You look hot."_

" _I do?"_

" _Yes, your cheeks are reddish and your eyes… I don't know. It's like they're glowing. Are you sick maybe?"_

I could take care of her again. Make her tea, and soup and rub Vicks Vapo Rub on her chest. Even better, I can help her with taking a bath and get her out of that robe.

" _No, I am not sick and I didn't turn up the heater. It is warm in here though. What do you want Sheldon?"_

So she just looks radiating like this without any reason? She always looks lovely, but this? I don't know. There is something new…besides that hint of cleavage that is showing through that thin robe.

I don't think I ever saw so much of her skin before… wait, did she ask me something?

" _Hm?"_

" _You didn't finish your sentence. What do you want?"_

I just want things to be good again between us. I want my Amy sitting next to me on the couch when we have dinner, like it's supposed to be. I want my daily good morning and good night text or call, as it's stipulated in our Agreement. It's in there for a good reason after all!

I want our Date Nights…and kisses back! I want my Amy! I want this break to be over!

" _I want us to be happy. I want_ you _to be happy with me as I am with you. I thought you were. When we took the test and scored an 8.2, you agreed that it would be proof for how suitable we are for each other. But all the things you said to Penny in the bar…"_

" _Sheldon…"_

" _Even I understand that it means that you are not happy. More so, that I make you feel miserable. On my way here I realized that everything you said was true."_

It is an unpleasant realization. It makes me feel inadequate. I am not good enough for her.

" _Sheldon no. I_ _ **already**_ _said that I-"_

" _I just wish you would have told me sooner_ _how unhappy you are with_ _me."_

" _I am not unhappy with you. I am happy! I just…well, I just read too many romance novels and I let myself influence from Penny and Bernadette's stories about all the romantic things Leonard and Howard do for them. It made me blind to see all the things you do for me."_

_"I obviously didn't do enough for you if you had to question my feelings for you."_

_"No, I didn't do enough to appreciate what you-"_

_"No! I DID say mean things to you and I can clearly see now how that made you feel. I said I_ _wish you dead_ _when you were only trying to help me with my pathological need for closure."_

" _You were just frustrated, Sheldon…"_

" _I wanted to ruin Christmas for you like the Grinch! I wanted you to suffer for making me celebrate it. Then I applied to Mars without speaking with you about it. Even though everyone told me that I should."_

" _We worked all that out, Sheldon!"_

" _I should have called you and spoke to you in person before that train trip last summer."_

" _I should have let you know how upset I was about the train trip from the beginning. I told you I was angry that you didn't call me to pick you up, but I never really told you how when you left it hurt me as well. I guess…I should have said something, but I know you just needed time."_

" _No! You are always making excuses for me and defending my callous actions instead of calling me out for them. That needs to stop, Amy! You need to tell me right away when I am wrong!"_

_"I don't do the right_ _things either, and you hold your tongue as well. I called our perfect Relationship Agreement 'ridiculous'! I told you that I can understand that people find you 'annoying', when you are really the most lovable person ever! I was complaining ALL THE TIME about the lack of physical intimacy! We were working on it because you loved me, but I was just forcing you to do it. I promise_ _that I won't do that anymore. We can stop it all!"_

STOP IT ALL?! Why would she even say such a horrible thing?

_"But I like physical intimacy!"_

_"No, you don't!"_

_"I do!"_

_"NO! YOU DON'T"_

_"I DO!"_

_"Sheldon! I remember clearly what you said-"_

_"Amy!"_

_"Yes?"_

_"Would I hold you like this, if I didn't like it?!"_

What's with the stunned face now? I love holding her like this with my left hand on the small of her back with my right one holding the tie of her robe. How did the tie get in my hand? When did I grab it? Mysterious…

" _You mean you're doing it because you like it?"_

Since when am I doing things I do not like?

" _Uh huh."_

" _Not because you have to?"_

Doesn't she know me at all? Sheldon Lee Cooper does not do anything just because he has to. Never.

" _Amy, as you very well should know, there is no clause in the Relationship Agreement that states one has to hug one's argumentative girlfriend while she is wearing a paper thin robe. I think I need my IPad so I can add it though."_

What a brilliant idea! So even without sleep for two weeks my genius mind is still performing stellar. Although, I still haven't got Apple Care. I really need to take care of that!

" _Really? You would add that? Can I… add… something, too?"_

I would say, she could add anything she wants! However, I better check first to see she is thinking about. As it was proven, her mind is not working on its best capacity at the moment.

" _Like what?"_

" _When you hold me like this, can I place my head on your chest, and wrap my arms around you?"_

Sure! So her genius mind is functioning perfectly after all. What a relief!

" _Sounds reasonable. Now will you get this out of your head that I don't like physical intimacy?"_

" _I thought I was pushing you into it, Sheldon. I realize that is unfair."_

" _Now Amy, what is unfair is that you have to push me. I have fought it in the past, sure, but I've worked on it a lot. Especially in the last few months."_

How could she have missed that with all the hand holding, hugging, and making out on the couch?

Okay,  **one**  make out session on the couch. We should add that to the Relationship Agreement as well! Geez, my brain is on fire!

" _You have. I know that. I just thought, it took so long. Each step I would have to pull you, and I don't want that Sheldon. I don't want to spend another five years begging for affection and your appreciation. That was what I wanted to think about when I took a step back. Can I do that, hope for your affection for years more? The answer is, I always had enough. I just needed to see it through your eyes."_

Well, since it is established now that I clearly saw things wrong, it is time to see things through  **her**  eyes.

" _Do you want more?"_

" _Want? Yes. Expect? Not anymore."_

" _You have been more than patient with me. You said that to me on Skype. I disagreed then, but I do see now that you were indeed very understanding with me…"_

I will show her my affection for her. I'll show her how much I like being physical intimate with her! She should NEVER have any doubts about that EVER again!

But how to do that now?

Oh I know! I have seen many times when we watched movies or TV how Amy swoons all over the place when a man kissed a woman with… passion, I guess. I can kiss her with passion like that. I think I always did every time I kissed her, but she never swooned, so maybe I should just do it like they did on the screen. It did look interesting after all, and there is no denying that lately I have been curious.

Of course, I would already have satisfied my curiosity two weeks ago when we made out on the couch. But no, I had to mention  _'The Flash'._ I am such an idiot.

No! I am  **not**  an idiot! I am merely a genius with poor timing. Sooo… kissing Amy with passion…

The men always grab the women's head with both hands and pull them into a kiss…I like playing with her robe tie, so I will keep my hand there. I can grab her head with one hand. Okay, I have figured the logistics out.

" _I think it is time I did what you don't expect."_

Oh! Her lips feel so soft and warm! I missed kissing her so much!

Hmmm…that feels sooo good! Oh! She moaned! Very quietly, but I heard it!

Ohhh, yes, she is kissing me back! I want to hear that moaning sound again, maybe a bit louder? More passion! I need to show her more passion.

No! I  **want**  to show her more passion!

I can do it! I can do it! I CAN DO IT!

Slowly, slowly, slowly. I'll just use the tip of my tongue… grazing her lips… slowly, slowly, slowly...

Oh yes, she moans…louder!

Now, I need her to open her mouth. Come on Amy!

She does!

I can do it! I can do it! I CAN DO IT!

Slowly, slowly, slow- OH DEAR LORD! This feels AMAZING!

Tingling EVERYWHERE!

She tastes…it's the best taste EVER!

I feel something…not exactly in my belly but down there. Whatever! I don't care!

She's constantly moaning now! I love that!

Wait, I think that's me moaning. Who cares?! This is just so…the best feeling EVER!

I love how she holds onto me.

I want to feel more of her…I really want to feel—

Whoops! I think I pulled to strong on her robe tie. The knot is open…maybe I can feel a little…really just a teeny tiny little bit how she feels underneath the fabric…just a little bit of her belly maybe. Yes, that I will do. She wouldn't mind, would she? With my eyes closed I can only guess where my hand is going.

Oh yes! I feel her skin! It's so soft and hot! Velvety and hmmm, just all sorts of awesome!

Wait! That is NOT her belly! THAT IS HER BREAST! OH GOD! I  **knew**  they would feel so amazing!

Now I really feel something getting excited down there. Oh! Shouldn't I care if she feels it too? Nah, if she does, it should show her once and for all how much I desire her.

Desire…I really do desire her.

I really do need some air now though. I don't want to stop kissing her like that, but I really  **really**  need a bit of air. Just a little break and then I will show her more of how much I need her.

Oh she looks really flushed now…breathless…and…hm…surprised?

" _Amy? Uhm… Do you feel all right?"_

She isn't answering, just staring at me. I don't know what to make of that. Ah, she nods. That's something.

" _Did you… uhm… like it?"_

No answer… again…but more nodding. I will take it as a reassuring sign. She also doesn't seem to mind my hand on her marvelous breast. Maybe she wouldn't mind a little exploring of the surroundings?

" _Would you like to… continue? Just nod if-"_

She does. Good!

Ohhh, my hands on her naked belly…phenomenal!

Standing here is getting kind of uncomfortable, though. Wouldn't it be a good idea to sit? Or even better to lie down? Maybe even without that robe?

" _Maybe…uhm…we could…go into your…bedroom?"_

Hm…no nodding, but staring at me again…with wide open eyes. That is not so reassuring. Didn't she want to get me into her bedroom for ages?! Oh yes! There is the nodding…almost unnoticeable but I saw it! Positively!

" _Good. So, do you want to have coitus now or should we wait for the wedding night?"_

Drat! I think she just stopped breathing.

" _Um…what?"_

" _Well, it's tradition for the bride and groom to_ _consummate the marriage on the first night…"_

Hmmm…I wonder if she would mind it if I would open her robe a bit, so that I can see this amazingly silky skin of hers. Juuust a little bit…slowly…

" _As you know, I am usually a stickler for the rules."_ Juuust a little bit more.  _"However, social mores have changed regarding this… um… tradition… but I am not sure…"_

Almost there…

"…  _how traditional… you want to_ _go… now that the wedding is soon anyway."_

Ohhh! I can see her-

" _Wait… you want to marry me?!"_

Oh no! Why would she pull her robe closed now? What did she say?

" _Ummm…."_

" _Are you asking me to marry you? Like RIGHT NOW? And most importantly, FOR REAL?"_

Right, she doesn't know about the ring I have in my pocket. I better show her now.

" _Oh… yeah… I forgot that part, huh?"_

Why is she staring at the ring like that?

" _Ohhhh…"_

Oh God! She fainted!

" _AMY!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading and for your support. My turn to raise the glass to my friends Hazelra7 and mphs95 to congratulate them on their well deserved fan fic awards! Cheers! It's been an honour to work with you on this FF! :)


	15. Amy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter still takes place the same evening as the last.

" _Amy. Wake up."_

Oh no, I don't want to wake up.

Sheldon came to see me and it was the  **best**  dream ever! Of course he was still a bull headed stubborn man, but hey, even my dreams I can't make him too out of character.

Oh but he was touching me! Touching my stomach, caressing my skin and boy howdy, was it ever marvelous. He kissed me like I'd never been kissed before! With tongue! He even touched my breasts.

It was so awesome… but I had to stop him because Dream Sheldon can't be a home wrecker. He should only live in my fantasies and not tempt me with his gorgeous blue eyes and wandering hands.

Anyhow, as if the kiss and caress wasn't enough, Dream Sheldon then said he wanted to marry me and showed me the most beautiful ring! That's when I knew it was a dream because there is no way Sheldon would EVER do that!

Wait. Did I really sleep or did I faint?

I remember the feeling of being carried and I felt a nice breeze on my face. Maybe I'm at the ocean with a...

No, this is my room. I feel my grandmother's quilt that I would know anywhere. At least I am in my room, safe. How did I get here though? Am I still sleeping?

" _Amy? Please wake up now."_

IT'S SHELDON! He was real all the time or was it all a dream? I better check and open my eyes. Dream Sheldon would never lie!

There he is, sitting on my bed! Really?

" _Am I dreaming?"_

It feels like a dream. The best kind, Sheldon in my room. I love those dreams. I have them so often.

" _No."_

Is he fanning me? He is so thoughtful! But still, what is going on?

" _Sheldon… What happened_?"

" _It seems I've underestimated the power of being pair bonded forever with me. So since you're awake now, how about we continue to_ -"

Wait does he want to kiss me again? This  **can't**  be real! What did he say about forever?

" _Pair bonded forever_?"

" _Yes, Amy. So about that kiss earlier-"_

" _Like in being married_?" Still can't believe this. Those Zombie drinks are mean!

" _Yes, Amy. So may I please kiss you_ -"

Wait, if this is for real, does he know what implying pair-bonding and steamy kisses mean? Does he know he would be with me,  **forever**? Oh God, does he realized that would mean we would live together. He can't know that, can he?

" _With living together?"_

" _Yes, Amy. I think that is customary when a husband and wife share their lives together."_

Oh no! I think I just suffered a heart attack.

" _Husband and wife? As in Dr. and Dr. Cooper?"_

Although, I would prefer Dr. Fowler-Cooper. I worked hard to make a name for myself!

" _Yes, Amy. So you haven't answered my question about coitus. Do you want to wait-"_

I would be Dr. Fowler-Cooper! I would be Sheldon's  **wife**!? That would be so…I just feel so… oh my…

" _Ohhhh…"_

…woozy…

" _AMY!"_

What just happened? Ugh, did a have another psychogenic pseudo syncope episode? Fainting so much can't be good for my brain. Of course, neither is having hallucinations of Sheldon proposing to me. Nope, not a good sign.

Oh dear, he's holding me. Maybe this is real. He feels like my Sheldon, strong and warm, with muscles in all the right places.  He smells like my Sheldon with that lovely wafting talc scent I love so much.  

Oh dear, now he kisses like my Sheldon.

Yes, that's him. I know those… oh dear God, those thin beckoning lips. Mmmm. Boy that French kiss earlier must have been real. This isn't a dream! I was awoken with a kiss. Just one little kiss and I am up!

Hang on a moment. I don't want to, but I need to find out what is going on.

Oh look, my feet are elevated. He is so thoughtful that way. He must have taken that advice about panic attacks of  _Soccermom09_  seriously, but this marriage business, what is that all about?

" _Sheldon wait, we need to talk."_

" _Fine, but I would rather keep kissing you."_

Oh dear God, he is such a good kisser. Wait, is he moving down on my bed to lay with me? I have longed for this for years, but I have to know what he meant. I have to stop the one thing I dreamt about for almost five years to talk about feelings.

Ugh, God, I am as bad as Leonard, but this is important!

" _There is plenty of time for that later."_

Oh I wonder if he will stay the night? Focus Fowler. Kissy face later!

Hold up, he's wrapping his arms around me! Oh, he feels like a warm scarf knitted with pure joy. His long legs are so sexy, too. Oh he looks so good in my bed. I can get used to this _._

" _Are you really laying down with me?"_

" _Given your propensity for syncope, I think it's best. I mean who knows the next time you'll lose consciousness. It's only logical."_

Who am I to argue with a doctor? I hope he didn't hear me giggle. I can talk and snuggle. Hmm. So warm. I love this.

" _Of course, you're right. It only makes sense, scootch closer…"_

Can he feel any better than right now? I don't even want to know, or I'll faint again.

However, I need to know what is going on, more. Crap!

" _Does that mean our 'on hold' is off hold?_

" _I think we can say that, yes. "_

" _Good. So now about that kiss earlier. I would like to repea-"_

" _ **However**_ _, Sheldon, we need to talk-"_

" _Amy. Why are you stopping me ALL THE TIME lately whenever I want to kiss you?"_

NOW he wants to kiss me! I see a pattern here. Anytime I want to talk, he wants to kiss me. File that for later, Fowler.

" _Because we have to talk about what you just said!"_

" _What did I say now that cannot wait until AFTER the kiss?"_

" _Seriously, Sheldon?"_

" _Seriously, Amy."_

" _Did you really mention marriage? Please, in the name of science,_ _ **why**_ _would you bring that up now?"_

The way he is looking at me… No! We can kiss afterwards! I need to know if he meant it for real and why he would say something like that in the first place.  Ohhh, the way he looks at me…

I need to sit up! Boy, this is a thin robe. Hey, is he looking at my cleavage? Hoo! He just wants to be Mister Smoochie Face. I can't believe that I won't let him, but I do need to know.

" _Did you just say that to end this stupid break?"_

Oh dear, he looks kind of hurt.

" _Amy. I bought the ring_ _ **months**_ _ago, long before I knew you would ever need to take a step back to reevaluate our situation. Do you really think that I would dangle a ring in front of you to tempt you back in my arms?"_

No, Sheldon isn't that devious. Well he is, but not about this topic. Not that it won't work, though. Oh, how I love those narrow baby blues piercing into me! Wait! MONTHS AGO?

" _Months ago? When?"_

" _After we sent out our application for the Mars project."_

All those date nights and he knew he wanted to marry me. Since that fight we had about Mars, he had been so loving since then. How could he have kept this a secret for so long?

" _Why didn't you say something? Were you unsure?"_

" _No! I am not running around the greater Los Angeles region to find the right ring for you, if I wouldn't be sure. I have better things to do with my precious time. Really, Amy… tsk, tsk, tsk…"_

Sheldon out shopping for rings? For me? Oh I wish I could have seen that. How romantic!

" _You did that?"_

" _Of course I did. I figured you would wear this ring for the rest of your life, so it should be one you enjoy to look at and things are never as they look on the computer screen."_

Oh my! Isn't he the BEST boyfriend EVER? How considerate!

" _So you were really thinking for all this time about getting married?"_

" _Yes. I did."_

_I wonder how he would asked me. Wait, that damn Flash comment! Did he ask that as a lead to proposing that night?_

_Ohhh, don't faint._

"When would you have proposed?"

" _I didn't know yet to be honest. I was thinking about all sorts of scenarios, but I haven't found the perfect place and date yet. I also haven't figured out what I would have said."_

I sure the hell know what I would have said if he had asked! Just one word, and I would be his forever. I never dreamed he would ever ask me. Boy he is good at secrets!

" _I had no idea whatsoever. I would never ever have suspected it. NEVER!"_

" _Yes, I figured that much after I heard what you said to Penny at the bar."_

I can't believe he heard all that. Not only what Penny said, but what I said too! I wish I had his eidetic memory. I need a transcript of that! I never wanted to hurt him. Ever.

" _I am sorry that you heard-"_

I have to hold him now, so he knows I will never hurt him… I need to squeeze him tighter. Hmm. I wonder if this is hurting him.

" _No. It's okay. I guess I wouldn't have realized what I know now on my own otherwise, but Amy, you really have to talk with me. You cannot leave me like this and not tell me why and for how long. You just ignored me for two weeks and a day and I was left to think all sorts of things. I thought I was dying from a deadly combination of severe diseases. I didn't sleep even one night in all this time and I feared you may have stopped loving me."_

Never.

" _I_ _ **never**_ _stopped loving you. Even when I was upset, I never stopped. I don't think that is possible."_

" _I hope it isn't. I feel the same way Amy and I don't like that I hurt you in the past and I didn't even know it. I do want to make you happy."_

I can't believe he said that. He always seemed to only be concerned with making himself happy. I thought I was in the mix somewhere but I never dreamed…

" _You want to make me happy? You've never said that before Sheldon."_

" _Well, I didn't know that I had to tell you, but now I do."_

I love that smile he has. Like when we made the Fort Cozy McBlanket or when I gave him the Christmas cookies. His joy is contagious. I live some days just to see that smile of pure elation.

_"I want to make you happy too."_

_"You do, but you also have to tell me what it is that you want or when you have changed your mind about something you previously agreed to. I don't know if we will be always on the same page but at least I would know then why you yell at me. I can't figure it all it out on my own. If I am doing something you don't like, you need to spell it out right away. As brilliant as I am, I am not a mind reader…sadly."_

Damn it, he's right. He needs extra help or some kind of direction when it comes to navigating social interactions and relationships. Leaving him to think this on his own was not fair. I've been so scared to tell him.

" _I know. It's just that if I would have told you from the beginning what I want or told_ _ **every time**_ _you did something that hurt me, we would have been done in the first year. You were so on the fence on even having a girlfriend that you would have pulled a runner. Also, I am_ _ **not**_ _yelling at you... that much."_

" _Well…I don't know about running away. I mean, sure if you told EVERYTHING I_ _ **apparently**_ _did wrong, it might have been, maybe, possibly, a bit much… Anyway. I am not running away now or ever again."_

Never again will he take off like he did. I like the sound of that. I think I can breathe again.

" _That makes me really happy, Sheldon."_

" _See! It's working already!"_

" _It is! I am not going away either…_ _ever._ _Maybe we should add this to our Agreement as well."_

" _What? Not leaving each other? You can bet your sweet 'B' that we will add that. As of right now, I am telling you that getting out of the Relationship Agreement will be_ _ **impossible**_ _from now on."_

Yay! We'll be together like shamer ramma ramma… Stop it Amy! Now is not the time for Grease lyrics! Focus!

" _That's nice, but I meant that whenever one of us is upset about something the other did or didn't do, we appoint a code beforehand and call for an emergency relationship summit, where we talk about whatever it is."_

" _That's a good idea. Oh! We can make a flag! Like a special flag just for times of distress in our otherwise perfect relationship!"_

A flag? He has a flag for the apartment, now this? I don't know…

" _I was thinking like a code word. Like crapzilla or something…"_

I don't think he is listening to me. I can see those baby blues light up when he get an idea he can't let go of. God his mind is so sexy!

" _This is brilliant Amy! We can use the maritime flag!_

Oh I know what he means! That is genius.

" _You mean the orange one with a black square and a black circle?"_

" _It's just so sexy you know that, you vixen! Yes! When one of us is upset, we can hold up the flag and we will know that the other is displeased. These assumptions of what the other is thinking and feeling needs to stop. I have a sneaking suspicion I am usually wrong when I speculate what you are thinking in that crafty female mind. Truth be told, from what I heard in the bar, you aren't particularly good at it either."_

Well, considering the fancy shiny ring, he might have a point here. I made an erroneous assumption before that he didn't love me as much as I love him. It might be different, but it's still love. It has no quantitative value. I should tell him what I realized, but now is not the time to drag out the past!

" _Sheldon, the best part about our relationship is we talk and negotiate about everything that is important. How about this…"_

" _Why are you sitting up again?_   _Come closer and snuggle with me. How am I supposed to catch you when you faint again?"_

Oh you bet your sweet A I will come closer! Ohhhh, that feels so… perfect. I love laying on his chest. He is so warm, like a Sheldon blanket I can wrap myself up in. I hope I'm not squeezing him too tight.

" _You promise me that you will tell me whenever you are upset and I promise you I will spell out clearly what might upset me so you will know exactly what the matter is."_

" _Can you provide a solution to the problem at the same time? Like jewelry or groveling._ _That would be helpful._ _I don't want to have to guess all this stuff._ _Also, I'll give you a list with appropriate 'make up' gifts for me when you mess up. I'll ask Stuart to give you a discount._ _I just want everything between us to be easy, Amy… like this robe. Silky and easy… so easy just… to … pull this tie."_

Is he really getting me undressed? Yes he is. Oh yes he is. Two can play this word game, Mister.

Oh dear that look he is giving me. I have never seen his eyes so dark. Don't lick your lips like that again or you might not like what I do with that tongue. Or maybe you would?

" _Oh, I see. So if you are dismissive of my feelings, I should not just go off like a dirty shirt?"_

I wonder if pulling at the hem of his shirt would work? It did! He's taking it off! Finally I can… OH SWEET CAROLINE! He just looks…I mean…oh, look at his chest! Where did Sheldon get muscles?  Oh, his shoulders are amazing, too! I hope I'm not drooling…

Hmmm, I think I just got a plot to my next Little House Fan Fiction and it involves a butter churn and a shirtless time traveling physicist!

" _Don't do that again, Amy, going off like that. Dirty shirts aside, don't leave me without a word. You scared the pants off me."_

Oh you think you are so clever? Well you are!

I mean now that I am basically naked, he surely wouldn't mind taking off his pants, would he? Oh, yes! That needs to happen! Right now! Oh Dr. Fowler, those Zombies made you quite bold.

Where is his-there is his belt! So far no sign of objection… Good!

Oh, even better! He's helping!

I love watching him take off his pants off…and down they go. Oh god, he took off his pants.

I've seen those legs before and those tight cotton briefs, but not so… tight. He better not take off his underwear or I will be passed out and no advice from _Soccermom09_ will help...

Don't faint again! Please, not NOW! Oh good, he kept them on.

Now he is back by my side, lying next to me. His hand is delving under my nearly open robe. Can he feel how hot my skin is under his touch? Can he hear me moaning through his kiss? I may not know everything that Sheldon is thinking all the time, or his motivation, but tonight I do. He is as invested in this relationship as I am. He wants me as much as I want him. That's all I needed to know. That's all I ever wanted to know. Everything else, we can work out.

I don't think I've ever felt this way before. Kissing him makes it feel like time has stopped. God his mouth is so gentle, his tongue is so soft. I just… mmm. Kiss me again. Touch me again. I want to feel every inch of his skin.

For so long I wonder how it would feel to have him touch me, but more I wanted to know how his body would feel next to mine. We are sharing heat, and he isn't stopping. I just… mmm. I hope I'm not moaning too much, but I can't help it.

I can't get over how soft his skin feels. I love this back of his, so strong, but God his chest is amazing. I need to feel it against mine, just for a moment.  I can feel his neck as he kisses mine. I could kiss him like this for hours… no days.

This is enough for me. I don't know how much more I could take.

_"Amy?"_

_"Uh-huh..."_

_"I am not ready yet for coitus. But I sure will be... soon! I promise!"_

I'm so glad he said that. I want to wait too. I just want to enjoy him tonight. No pressure, no goal to be reached. I am done with that. No more benchmarks in our relationship. Just this. Our rules. We could do this for hours or years, and it would be perfect.

_"You don't need to promise me coitus. It's okay that you're not ready. Whenever you are is absolutely fine. I love this already so much."_

_"Me too."_

I just want to lie on his chest again, and wrap myself around him. God, he is perfection. I love him so much. I never want to step back again. Oh wait, what is that devilish look he is giving me?

" _You are naked, Amy. You need to put something on."_

Oh! Isn't he so considerate? I so love his smile. It makes me feel warm everywhere.

" _It's all right. I am not cold, Sheldon."_

" _No, Amy. It's just… you are missing something. Something important."_

" _I do? What? My robe?"_

" _Nah. You won't need that for a while yet."_

No? Yay! Oh my, there is that look again. What is that coy grin he is giving me? Is he reaching for his pants? Maybe  **he**  wants to cover up? No… he is getting something out of his pocket. If he pulls out his phone and start to Google ANYTHING, we are having a relationship summit right here and now! I don't care if his naked body is alluring as he bends down. Boy he has a nice…

" _Amy, your_ _ **hand**_ _is naked."_

My hand? Oh my! That ring! Is he on one knee? Nearly NAKED?! Don't faint again. Don't faint again. Don't faint again.

" _Amy Farrah Fowler, will you-"_

" _ **YES! PUT IT ON ME! PUT IT ON ME! PUT IT ON ME!"**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: A huge thank you to both QBMaja and MPHS95 for letting me a part of this story. I had SO much fun doing this with them! Thanks again, from Hazelra!


	16. Sheldon

 " _AMY!"_

Thankfully I already hold her in my arms to catch her!  What should I do now?

Of course. She needs to lie down with her feet elevated. If it helps with panic attacks as  _Soccermom09_  said, it surely can't hurt with a syncopal attack, right?

Yes, I will carry her into her bedroom. The couch doesn't seem sufficient enough… for some good reason I can't think of right now.

Fortunately she's breathing normally. Oh, look at her. She looks pretty passed out. Does she always look like Sleeping Beauty when she sleeps?

Good thing I've started working out a bit to get ready to carry her over the threshold on our wedding day because she's as light as a feather… that I am happy to not carry for too long.

I love her TARDIS door. It's so fun and so inviting, but I still don't know why she got it in the first place. She doesn't even watch  _Doctor Who_.

Okay here we are. Careful, I don't want her to hit her head on the headboard.

What now? Ah yes, a cushion for her feet. Her feet are so small. That's cute. Oh, her skin is so soft. I like that a lot.

" _Amy. Wake up."_

Nothing. Hmmm…I am so tired myself, maybe I should just lay down next to her and sleep a bit.

On the other hand, I really, really,  **really**  would like to repeat that kiss.

Who knew that French kissing isn't disgusting at all? Well it probably is in general, but with Amy everything is just wonderful! One could feel sorry for the rest of the human population that has not the pleasure to kiss Amy but only sad consolation prizes. However, I'm not in the mood to feel sorry for anybody right now. I am in the mood for French kissing with my Amy. If she would only wake up.

Air! Of course, she needs air! There's her  _Neuron_  magazine. I should have told her that I am proud of her when she made it on the cover. Yes, it's just Biology but either way, I should have…although, that tiara made up for it pret-ty good. She even kissed me, she was so happy about it...

Kissing Amy is magic. I would also would like to explore her belly and its surroundings a bit more...

She's still not conscious. Stronger! FAN STRONGER!

Oh, she moaned, but her eyes are still shut.

Oh boy, my idea to propose on a Ferris wheel like Barry Allen could have been disastrous if the prospect of being my wife is so exciting that it literally knocks her off her feet.

" _Amy? Please wake up now."_

Ah,  **there**  she is. Why though is she looking at me as if she would see a ghost?

" _Am I dreaming?"_

Huh? Why would she dream of me fanning her with a magazine?

" _No."_

" _Sheldon...what happened_?"

Ah, here we go again. Memory impairment, the free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle. I shouldn't mention that, though, since she poked me the last time I brought up the negative impacts of alcohol.

I would much prefer her to kiss me.

" _It seems I've underestimated the power of being pair bonded forever with me. So since you're awake now, how about we continue to_ -"

" _Pair bonded forever_?"

" _Yes, Amy. So about that kiss earlier-"_

" _Like in being married_?"

" _Yes, Amy. So may I please kiss you_ -"

Why is she pushing me away with her hands on my chest? That's almost as unpleasant as her poking it.

" _With living together?"_

How many of those horrible drinks did Penny force her to have? Ugh! I really have to talk with Leonard about how his fiancée is ruining mine.

" _Yes, Amy. I think that is customary when a husband and wife share their lives together."_

Oh no! Why are her eyes getting bigger? Why is she breathing faster with her hand on her chest? Oh no, another panic attack! Good thing that her feet are already elevated! Breathe Amy, breathe! Don't faint!

" _Husband and wife? As in Dr. and Dr. Cooper?"_

" _Yes, Amy."_ Although I think she'll go with Dr. Fowler-Cooper. She worked hard to make a name for herself!

Oh my, how lovely her cleavage is when she breathes in and out…in and out…in and out…

Back to the matter at hand. " _So you haven't answered my question about coitus. Do you want to wait-"_

What's happening now?!

" _Ohhhh!"_

Oh Dear Lord! Not again!

" _AMY!"_

I guess that means no coitus tonight.

Maybe I should hold her, instead. Yes, she smells so good. Oh, she's so warm…and that thin robe is so… , will I  **ever**  get to kiss her tonight again?

Wait, maybe I should wake her up with a kiss? Oh, I'm so brilliant!

Ohhh, her lips are so…just so…

" _Hmmm…"_

Ah, it worked! Thank God, that it was just a small psychogenic pseudo syncope episode.

Oh, she's kissing me back! Yes, Amy… open your mouth just a little… just a litt-

Wait, she's pulling away. What NOW?

" _Sheldon wait, we need to talk."_

Oh really? Nooo...

" _Fine, but I would rather keep kissing you."_

Here I am lying next to her in her  **bed**  after all these years, and NOW she wants to  **talk**?! She's as bad as Leonard. Hippie.

" _There is plenty of time for that later…"_

Oh,  **plenty**? That sounds promising. So I guess that means I am going to stay the night.  Maybe coitus is not off the table after all. Although, am I really ready?

Coitus I don't know, but I do know is that I'm ready to kiss her again and feel her under that thin robe.

Are we done with the talking now?

" _Are you really laying down with me?"_

Okay, apparently we are stating the obvious.

" _Given your propensity for syncope, I think it's best. I mean who knows the next time you'll lose consciousness. It's only logical."_

Huh? Why's she giggling? Did I say something funny?

Hmmm, I think I like snuggling.

" _Of course, you're right. It only makes sense, scootch closer…"_

That I can do! Wait, does this mean that our 'on hold' is now…off? I think I know the answer, but better to be sure and to have something for the records.

" _Does that mean our 'on hold' is off hold?_

" _I think we can say that, yes."_

" _Good. So now about that kiss earlier. I would like to repea-"_

" _ **However**_ _, Sheldon, we need to talk-"_

ABOUT WHAT?! What could possibly  **so**  important that it cannot wait?! Not to mention that I see a disturbing pattern here.

" _Amy. Why are you stopping me ALL THE TIME lately whenever I want to kiss you?"_

" _Because we have to talk about what you just said!"_

Huh? All I said was that I want to kiss her. What's there to talk about?

" _What did I say now that cannot wait until AFTER the kiss?"_

" _Seriously, Sheldon?"_

" _Seriously, Amy."_

" _Did you really mention marriage? Please, in the name of science,_ _ **why**_ _would you bring that up now?"_

Oh… that.

Now, that can really wait until after some more kissing. Come here, Amy. Close your eyes and let me kiss you.

Dang it! Why is she sitting up now? Way to ruin the mood.

Oh, that's a pretty sight into her cleavage.

" _Did you just say that to end this stupid break?"_

What the—

Does this woman have NO faith in me AT ALL?!

" _Amy. I bought the ring_ _ **months**_ _ago, long before I knew you would ever need to take a step back to reevaluate our situation. Do you really think that I would dangle a ring in front of you to tempt you back in my arms?"_

Would that have worked though? It would have spared me countless of sleepless nights and doctor visits.

" _Months ago? When?"_

" _After we sent out our application for the Mars project."_

" _Why didn't you say something? Were you unsure?"_

Please, as if I would  **ever**  do something I wouldn't be sure of.

" _No! I am not running around the greater Los Angeles region to find the right ring for you, if I wouldn't be sure. I have better things to do with my precious time. Really, Amy… tsk, tsk, tsk…"_

" _You did that?"_

How else would I have gotten the ring? Really, she needs to sober up soon! I need to speak to smart Amy.

Wait! She doesn't think that I'm as cheap as Leonard and bought it online, does she?

" _Of course I did. I figured you would wear this ring for the rest of your life, so it should be one you enjoy to look at and things are never as they look on the computer screen."_

If that doesn't make me the most considerate and overall best boyfriend ever, I don't know what is.

" _So you were really thinking for all this time about getting married?"_

I  **really**  need smart Amy.

Smart Amy wouldn't repeat everything I already said and Smart Amy would definitely know that we could talk about all that  **after**  the kissing.

At least she's back down here with me snuggling...

" _Yes. I did."_

" _When would you have proposed?"_

Details Amy, unnecessary details!

Then again, she's a woman and more than once she made it perfectly clear how much she cares about all that 'romance' stuff. I wish though I could tell her something other than that I had no plan.

" _I didn't know yet to be honest. I was thinking about all sorts of scenarios, but I haven't found the perfect place and date yet. I also haven't figured out what I would have said."_

" _I had no idea whatsoever. I would never ever have suspected it. NEVER!"_

" _Yes, I figured that much after I heard what you said to Penny at the bar."_

" _I am sorry that you heard-"_

What's with the squeezing me so tight now?

" _No. It's okay. I guess I wouldn't have realized what I know now on my own otherwise, but Amy, you really have to talk with me. You cannot leave me like this and not tell me why and for how long. You just ignored me for two weeks and a day and I was left to think all sorts of things. I thought I was dying from a deadly combination of severe diseases. I didn't sleep even one night in all this time and I feared you may have stopped loving me."_

" _I_ _ **never**_ _stopped loving you. Even when I was upset, I never stopped. I don't think that is possible."_

" _I hope it isn't. I feel the same way Amy and I don't like that I hurt you in the past and I didn't even know it. I do want to make you happy."_

" _You want to make me happy? You've never said that before Sheldon."_

I didn't know that I have to, but after what she had said to Penny I should have.

" _Well, I didn't know that I had to tell you, but now I do."_

_"I want to make you happy, too."_

_"You do, but you also have to tell me what it is that you want or when you have changed your mind about something you previously agreed to. I don't know if we will be always on the same page but at least I would know then why you yell at me. I can't figure it all it out on my own. If I am doing something you don't like, you need to spell it out right away. As brilliant as I am, I am not a mind reader…sadly."_

I  **so**  wish it would be my super power. It would ease my life enormously if I could just read her mind.

" _I know. It's just that if I would have told you from the beginning what I want or told_ _ **every time**_ _you did something that hurt me, we would have been done in the first year. You were so on the fence on even having a girlfriend that you would have pulled a runner. Also, I am_ _ **not**_ _yelling at you... that much."_

Yeah, in comparison to Bernadette she's really not. Wait, what was that other thing she said?

I wasn't  _'on the fence'_!

Uhm… Okay, I admit I was, but I better not mention for how long.

" _Well…I don't know about running away. I mean, sure if you told EVERYTHING I_ _ **apparently**_ _did wrong, it might have been, maybe, possibly, a bit much… Anyway. I am not running away now or ever again."_

" _That makes me really happy, Sheldon."_

" _See! It's working already!"_

" _It is! I am not going away either… ever. Maybe we should add this to our Agreement as well."_

" _What? Not leaving each other? You can bet your sweet 'B' that we will add that. As of right now, I am telling you that getting out of the Relationship Agreement will be_ _ **impossible**_ _from now on."_

I will make sure that she will have not a chance to  _'take a step back'_  and  _'reevaluate'_  any situation from now on, just to be on the safe side in case I mess up again. The  _'Termination Clause'_  of the Agreement will be deleted and instead I will add a nice sentence like  _'This Agreement remains valid until one of the parties dies. To enter an objection is not possible.'_

" _That's nice, but I meant that whenever one of us is upset about something the other did or didn't do, we appoint a code beforehand and call for an emergency relationship summit, where we talk about whatever it is."_

Oh! Excellent idea! Yay, Smart Amy is back!

" _That's a good idea. Oh! We can make a flag! Like a special flag just for times of distress in our otherwise perfect relationship!"_

What flag though? Some that shows unmistakable that something is not right. Should we create one? The color is most important…

" _I was thinking like a code word. Like crapzilla or something…"_

Red maybe? No. Yellow? No, I like yellow and don't want to associate it with  _'Angry Amy'_.

Oh I know! We just use one of the maritime warning signals! Rule 37 of the 1972 International Regulations for Preventing Collisions at Sea clearly states that those flags signal for 'I am in distress and require immediate assistance.' It is perfectly fitting!

" _This is brilliant Amy! We can use the maritime flag!_

" _You mean the orange one with a black square and a black circle?"_

Which else? But ohhh…

" _It's just so sexy you know that, you vixen! Yes! When one of us is upset, we can hold up the flag and we will know that the other is displeased. These assumptions of what the other is thinking and feeling needs to stop. I have a sneaking suspicion I am usually wrong when I speculate what you are thinking in that crafty female mind. Truth be told, from what I heard in the bar, you aren't particularly good at it either."_

Oh boy, I really made a  **huge**  erroneous assumption when I thought that she would surely know how feel about her and how committed I am. Either way, now is not the time to drag out the past further! At some point we  **will**  get to the kissing part of the night, right?

" _Sheldon, the best part about our relationship is we talk and negotiate about everything that is important. How about this…"_

UGH! WHAT NOW?

" _Why are you sitting up again?_   _Come closer and snuggle with me. How am I supposed to catch you when you faint again?"_

I am such an idiot that I didn't cuddle with her all the time! This feels so… perfect. I love her head laying on my chest… the fruity scent of her hair… I love her arm tightly wrapped around me… I could stay like this forever. Who knew?

" _You promise me that you will tell me whenever you are upset and I promise you I will spell out clearly what might upset me so you will know exactly what the matter is."_

That would be great, because it would save me a lot of time. Also, quite a few dollars so I don't have to go to Penny with sweets all the time to bribe her to tell me what to do to make Amy forgive me.

" _Can you provide a solution to the problem at the same time? Like jewelry or groveling. That would be helpful. I don't want to have to guess all this stuff. Also, I'll give you a list with appropriate 'make up' gifts for me when you mess up. I'll ask Stuart to give you a discount. I just want everything between us to be easy, Amy…"_

What would also be easy is to get her out of this thin robe.

" _Like this robe. Silky and easy… so easy just… to … pull this tie."_

And open it is and there is her belly again. She looks so pretty…

Oh God, I might have a heart condition after all… No, I know it's the same heart jumping I have when I am kissing her. Which reminds me…

What? Still no kissing? It is getting-

" _Oh, I see. So if you are dismissive of my feelings, I should not just go off like a dirty shirt?"_

What's she doing? Pulling at the hem of my shirts? Does she want me to take it off? Well, that would be only fair, wouldn't it? Now that she's laying here so exposed...

And off they are.

Oh boy, she looks at me like when she's about to bite into one of those cookies she likes so much. Am I looking at her like that too? I hope I'm not drooling…

What did she say? Something about her going off like a dirty shirt when I am dismissive of her feelings? Should I mention that she was also dismissive of my feelings at times? Nope. I don't care anymore. What I do care about is that she won't ever leave me at all like that.

" _Don't do that again, Amy, going off like that. Dirty shirts aside, don't leave me without a word. You scared the pants off me."_

He he he…that was pretty clever. Plus, since we now have agreed that she will always tell me whatever it is that upsets her, she won't have any reason to leave me anyway.

Why is she grinning like that? What's she going with my belt?

Oh. Ohhh! Dr. Fowler!

Although, she is pretty much naked by now, so it would only be fair to help her to get the pants off too... and since I'm at it, I can also pull off my socks. I better keep my briefs on for now or she'll pass out again.

Sooo, here we are. Almost naked. She seems to like what she sees, if that deep sighing is any indication.

No wait! She did that too right before she fainted. Don't faint again Amy! Please, not NOW!

Oh good, she seems to have caught herself in time.

I like that, lying here next to her. Finally no worries anymore, all is good. At last.

She smiles at me so sweetly...it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy in my belly. Can we start now with the kissing part, now?

I think we should. I'm done with talking.

Hmmm... I could kiss her like that all the time! I love the sound of her moaning... I love how hot her skin is under my hands.

That robe needs to go completely. Oh, good she's helping me. Oh dear God! She's so... naked!

Am I allowed to touch her breasts? I really would like to know if they feel as perfect as they look like...

Well, we just stipulated that we would tell each other if something upsets us, so I guess I just have to see if she says so...

Oh! They  **do**  feel as perfect as they look like! No sign of objection from her...Yes, she moans harder!

Uh oh, that does excite me...  **a lot**... but I am really not quite there with coitus.

Maybe we could just do this a while longer? Kissing and touching? I love that… and knowing  **all**  of her body will give me more time to prepare, to make it perfect once I am ready…

_"Amy?"_

_"Uh-huh..."_

_"I am not ready yet for coitus. But I sure will be... soon! I promise!"_

I hope she is not disappointed…no, she smiles and ohhh, she strokes me so softly over my shoulders and arms. I love how that sends all sorts of tingling sensations through me. I wish it would never stop.

_"You don't need to promise me coitus. It's okay that you're not ready. Whenever you are is absolutely fine. I love this already so much."_

_"Me too."_

I mean it, I don't want this to ever stop. We could lay here like this for all eternity… I don't care if that means, I never get my Nobel!

Nah that would never happen. I can have both silky Amy and my Nobel. I hope she doesn't mind if I bring it to bed.

Hmmm... I love kissing her.

I love her taste... I love her moans... I love her silky hair... I love her hand on my neck... On my back going up and down...my chest... my arms.

I love my hands on her skin... Lovely belly... Lovely breasts... She is so velvety... Lovely legs... arms...small hands…

**Naked**  hand!

We need to change that!

" _You are naked, Amy. You need to put something on."_

She looks surprised. Why? Doesn't she- Oh, now she smiles! I love her smile so much!

" _It's all right. I am not cold, Sheldon."_

" _No, Amy. It's just… you are missing something. Something important."_

" _I do? What? My robe?"_

" _Nah. You won't need that for a while yet."_

Not until I have explored every inch of her in detail. Where are my pants?

Ah, there on the floor... Where is it? Not in the left pocket... the right one then? I hope.

Did I lose it on the way to her bedroom?

No I didn't, all is good, here it is!

" _Amy, your_ _ **hand**_ _is naked."_

I guess I should go down on my knee.

Oh, look at her! Naked and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and she's all mine!

But please, don't faint!

" _Amy Farrah Fowler, will you-"_

" _ **YES! PUT IT ON ME! PUT IT ON ME! PUT IT ON ME!"**_

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! I hope you enjoyed our story and that you liked the end. Thank you all so much for your support and all the lovely reviews.
> 
> I also want to thank Hazelra7 and mphs95 for doing this story with me. It was a great experience and most of all so much fun.


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